Seventeen Again
by DeadliestCatchFan
Summary: DEADLIEST CATCH FIC - OC Shannon travels to Dutch Harbour to find her first love, she has a secret to share that will tear his life apart. Longer summary at the start of chapter 1. NOW COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

**Well this is my new fic, hope you enjoy. I do have to warn you that at times this will not be an easy read. Just to give you more of an idea about the story, Shannon is the main female OC in this, she travels to Dutch Harbour to reunite with an old flame but not to win him back. She has a secret to confess and once you've read this chapter, you will know what the secret is so I won't spoil it for you.**

**WARNING - This story WILL be upsetting and distressing at times. I apologise in advance if that offends anyone but I want to tackle difficult issues in my writing. It's a challenge and I like challenges. If you don't want to read something dark and at times upsetting, please do not read. For those of you that do, I hope I can do this story justice and I would love to have some feedback so PLEASE review! Thanks :) xx**

Chapter One

'Ladies and gentleman we have now arrived in Dutch Harbour, the time is now 17.00, we hope you had a great flight….'

The Pilot's words blared out through the sound system on the tiny little plane as it shuddered to a halt but she wasn't listening, she was too busy thinking.

She'd never been here before, she'd never WANTED to come here and she was half tempted to just get on the first plane back to Anchorage so she could go home. But she couldn't go home, she was here for a reason, a very important reason.

The trip here meant life or death for the person she cared most about in the entire world and she had to fight for her, she had to do everything she could to save her. She remained in her seat as the other passengers began to push and shove each other to get off the plane. She pulled out her purse and opened it to reveal a photograph of her beautiful little girl Caitlin.

She was her whole world and right now she was lying in a hospital fighting for her life back in California. She had gone from being a perfectly healthy, happy, normal 10 year old girl to a very frail and sick little girl in the space of just a few months.

Caitlin had never been one to tire easily or catch colds but some months back, she suddenly started to pick up every little bug or virus that was going around in school. She would tire out so quickly after doing little things and Shannon knew straight away that something was wrong with her daughter.

She'd taken her to the doctor who'd given her a blood test. When the results of the test came back, her world pretty much shattered. The doctor had called her while she was at work to give her the news that he suspected that Caitlin, her beautiful Caitlin, was suffering from Leukaemia.

Caitlin was taken straight to the hospital where even more tests could be run on her so the cancer could be officially diagnosed. After the spinal tap and the chest x-rays came back, the doctors confirmed the diagnosis.

Time had stood still ever since she'd known about her illness. She'd quit her job to be with Caitlin full time, she never missed any of her hospital appointments, she had rarely left her side and now here she was thousands of miles away from her. She hoped and prayed that nothing would happen to her whilst she was gone but she HAD to be here, seeing him would be her last hope, Caitlin's last hope.

'Excuse me Miss, you can leave now,' the petite stewardess who'd flirted her way through the entire flight abruptly interrupted Shannon's train of thought.

She looked around the plane to find it empty, she hadn't even noticed that everyone had left except her. She quickly jumped out of her seat and grabbed her rucksack from the shelf above her before she left the plane.

By the time her feet hit the tarmac everyone had gone, she was now on her own in a strange town and she had no idea where she could find him. She had meant to ask someone on the flight where she could find the boat that she was looking for but it had slipped her mind. The only person that she could think about was Caitlin.

She walked straight ahead and entered the warmth of the tiny little airport terminal which was virtually empty except for a few members of staff manning information desks. She hoped that one of the staff would help her and not class her as a Deadliest Catch groupie coming her to act as a sperm bucket for one of the shows so called 'stars'.

'How may I help you?'

She chose to go to the oldest and nicest looking person available, hopefully she would be more helpful than some of the young, snooty looking staff caked in make-up so thick that a chisel would be required to remove it from their stuck up faces.

'Um well I've come here to find someone and the only information I have about him is what boat he's on, I was hoping that you could give me some directions….'

'Honey, if it's a fisherman you're after right now, there's only one place they'll be and it won't be on a boat!' The lady laughed as Shannon looked at her suspiciously. 'There's a bar called the Unisea about a fifteen minute walk from here. Just leave the airport and keep walking straight ahead, it'll be on your right hand side. You won't miss it, the noise will guide you there! Good luck honey, if I were thirty years younger I'd be joining ya!'

She grinned as Shannon said thank you and quickly made her exit from the building. She really did not want their first meeting to be in a packed bar full of his friends but what choice did she have? If he was there, she'd have to try and take him outside to explain things, she wasn't prepared to divulge such private information in a room full of drunken fisherman and their groupies.

Instead of worrying about what he would do or say, she pushed her fears to the back of her mind and started walking. She'd thought about coming here years ago to tell him her secret but she'd never had the money or the guts to do it. From what she had read about him online, he seemed to be doing alright for himself and he was definitely a hit with the women. Then again, he always had been, even in Middle and High school.

Back then, so many girls had been jealous of her. She wasn't really all that pretty, not compared to some of the really 'popular' girls anyway but somehow, she managed to win him. She'd fallen for him hard and fast, he was everything she had ever wanted in a man but now she could see how stupid she had been. She could and should have played it safe and not got involved with someone who got into trouble nearly every day, she should have picked someone who was more responsible but no, it was the danger that attracted her and the thought that she could 'tame' him.

Her mother had warned her that things would end badly, that he would use her and spit her out when he was done but she'd never believed her. She'd been left broken hearted when her mother's words had come true, he had meant so much to her and she'd been so fucking stupid to not see what an asshole he was. The only good thing to come out of their relationship was Caitlin and for that, she would be forever grateful to him.

As she continued to walk, she could hear music and laughter ringing out in the distance. The noises made her quicken her pace, she wanted to get this meeting out of the way as soon as possible because the more she thought about it, the more she would worry.

She was breathless by the time she reached the bar. There were a few people hanging around outside and as soon as they saw her they began to look at her like she was an alien or something. She felt uncomfortable under their gaze so instead of waiting around to make an entrance she decided to just go into the bar and try to find him in the crowd.

As soon as she opened the creaky door, the smell of smoke and hard liquor nearly knocked her out. She wasn't used to visiting places like this, it was rare that she had a night out because she always wanted to be there for Caitlin. She didn't want her growing up and having memories of a drunken mother stumbling home at three in the morning so her nights out were few and far between but that didn't bother her, she would rather be anywhere else in the world but here right now but this was her last hope, he was her last hope, she had to do this for her daughter.

She pushed past some burly men as she tried to fight her way to the front of the crowded bar. She looked around at the crowded faces that were packed like sardines in a tin around the place but she didn't recognise anyone, the only hope she had of finding him was asking the barmaid if he was here, she would probably know who he was.

After getting some dirty looks and some swear words directed her way, she managed to squeeze herself in-between two guys who looked pretty pissed off with her presence.

'Not very ladylike to shove people around like that is it?' One of the men slurred as she wrinkled her nose up at his funky breathe.

'I'm no lady so go fuck yourself,' she snapped back, she was in no mood to fuck around today and anyone that stepped in her path was going to feel the full force of her wrath.

'Honey, if you're looking to hook up with someone here, I wouldn't talk to them quite like that!' The barmaid smirked as she looked at Shannon, at least her attitude had managed to attract her attention.

'I'm looking for someone actually. Do you know if Josh Harris is here?'


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews so far, slightly emotional chapter ahead. Please leave a review, the more reviews the quicker I will update! :)**

Chapter Two

'Josh Harris? Is he man enough to handle you darling?'

She turned around to see an older man shooting her a toothless grin and she had to stop herself from punching him in the face. She was in no mood to fuck around today, she just wanted to find Josh and get on the first plane out of here so she could get back to her daughter. She flipped the man off before she turned back around to the barmaid who was looking at her suspiciously.

'Look, I'm not here to cause any trouble. I just need to speak to him, it's important so if you know where he is, please tell me,' she changed her tone to try and get the barmaid to speak to her and it worked.

'He's over in the corner flirting with a group of girls, any trouble starts and I'll get the police here, understood?' The woman warned her and she shook her head in acknowledgement before she started to push her way through the crowd.

She pissed off more than a few people as she shoved and pushed people out of her way. She finally navigated her way through everyone and her heart began to race as she spotted him.

He had his back to her but she knew it was him, she would recognise those ears anywhere. He was chatting to some busty blonde who was twirling her hair around her finger as she spoke to him, she was evidently putty in his hands and he was going to be majorly pissed off when she jumped in and ruined his chances of getting laid.

She took a moment to gather herself before she decided to bite the bullet and walk over to him. She tapped his shoulder to get his attention and as soon as he turned around to face her, the glass of beer that he was holding in his hand dropped straight to the floor, smashing into tiny pieces in the process.

'Shannon?' His eyes widened as he stared at her in disbelief.

'Hi Joshua, long time no see,' she smiled back at him. Her heart began to race as she looked at him, she hadn't seen him for ten years and all of a sudden here he was standing right in front of her. Why the fuck was she feeling like a pile of mush right now?

'Wha, what are you doing here?' He stammered, his eyes never left hers as he spoke.

'I um, I need to talk to you Josh, it's important, really fucking important,' she replied, her skin began to blush when she realised that Josh wasn't the only person listening to what she had to say.

The women that he'd been flirting with were all shooting her evil looks as she stood waiting for Josh's response.

'This isn't really the place to talk, unless you don't mind people hearing your business that is,' Josh replied and Shannon shook her head.

'This needs to be done in private Josh, is there somewhere we can go?'

'Um, EXCUSE me, but I thought you said that WE were going back to the boat?' The girl that Josh had been chatting to suddenly piped up and Josh rolled his eyes.

'Yeah well, plans change honey,' Josh snapped back at her before he turned back around to face Shannon again. 'You ready?'

Before she could reply, out of the corner of her eye she could see someone making their way towards them. She turned slightly and came almost face to face with Josh's father, Phil.

'What the hell are you doing here?' He snapped, before she'd left she and Phil had gotten along pretty well but his reaction hardly surprised her.

She'd left town without telling anyone that she was going, Josh had only found out she'd gone because of a letter she'd written to him and posted the morning she left.

'Look, I have something important to discuss with Josh and you're not gonna stop me Phil….'

'Don't even THINK about taking her back to the boat with you, if she has anything to say, she can say it right here!' Phil glared at Josh who seemed to wilt under his father's gaze.

She looked around the room and she could see that most people were now watching and listening to what was going on. There was no way that she was breaking the news in front of so many people.

'Please, let's go outside. I can't do this in here,' she looked at Josh who returned her gaze.

'Okay.'

'Josh…'

'No dad it's fine! I'm a big boy, I can deal with this myself!' Josh snapped at his father who looked pretty pissed off. 'Follow me.'

Shannon followed Josh as he began to weave his way through the packed bar to the exit. She could feel her temperature rising and her fears growing as she realised that there was no going back now. She hadn't expected to feel all that much when she saw him, ten years had passed since their relationship ended and she'd convinced herself that she was completely over him but seeing him….old feelings began to resurface and that was NOT a good thing. She had to remember that she was here for one reason, for Caitlin.

Once they finally got outside, Josh walked a fair distance away from the bar until they were well out of earshot of anyone who happened to be hanging around outside. When they came to a stop, Josh looked at her nervously and bit down on his thick lower lip.

'I didn't think I'd see you again, you didn't even say goodbye,' Shannon's stomach dropped when she saw just how devastated he seemed to be, how the fuck was he going to feel when he knew the whole truth?

'I couldn't, it would have been too hard. I did what I thought was best…'

'Best for who Shannon? You'd just had an abortion and then suddenly you disappeared! Do you know just how much that fucked me up huh?'

'I can't turn back the fucking clock Josh! If I could then believe me I fucking would! You think it's been easy for me since I left? You moved on pretty quickly anyway, I heard all about your little fling with Emily,' Shannon snapped back at him, referring to her old friend back in Seattle that Josh had slept with just a few days after she'd left. She'd kept in contact with one of her best friends for a few years after moving to California and she had been told all about Josh's conquests.

'What? Was I supposed to live like a fucking monk when you were gone? You didn't even tell me where the fuck you had gone Shannon! You made it pretty fucking clear that you wanted nothing more to do with me and now here you are! What is it that you came back for? Money? Maybe you suddenly found out that I was on TV and you thought you'd come here and try to win me back again..'

Before she could stop herself she slapped him hard across the face.

'You wanna know why I'm here Joshua? I'm here for our daughter!' The words tumbled out of her mouth and Josh froze on the spot.

'Daughter?'

Shannon nodded her head and kept looking at him as he stared at her open mouthed.

'I left town because I was still pregnant Josh, I never had the abortion, I lied. I told my mom about the pregnancy and she decided that we had to leave…'

'But I went with you! You went to the appointment..'

'The nurse told you to leave the room Josh! I made my decision there and then that I was keeping the baby, with or without your support,' she replied, her heart was pounding against her chest so hard that she was sure that Josh could hear it.

'What's her name?' Josh asked after a few moments of silence. Shannon was surprised by how calm he was, she expected him to get angry, to hit her, to punch her…she hadn't expected this.

'Her name's Caitlin, do you want to see a picture?' Josh remained silent but nodded so Shannon reached into her backpack and pulled out her purse which contained a photo of her beautiful girl before the cancer had struck.

She walked towards Josh and handed him the photo of a smiling Caitlin in her bathing suit on the beach. Her long jet black hair sat just above her waist and her brown eyes twinkled in the sunlight. She looked a lot like Josh, there was no way that he could deny that she was his.

'Why didn't you tell me? Ten fucking years Shannon, she's fucking ten years old and I don't even fucking KNOW HER!'

Josh snapped before he threw the purse to the ground.

'I was scared Josh! I was seventeen years old and pregnant! When I told you, the first thing you said was that I should have an abortion! You were on the fucking phone to the clinic before I could even say anything else Josh! I didn't think you wanted to be a dad…'

'I would have fucking stood by you Shannon! Don't you think that I was scared too? Jesus Christ!'

Josh began to pace back and forth as Shannon braced herself to tell him about Caitlin's illness and why she was really here.

'I know you're angry and upset Josh but I'm here for a reason. Caitlin, she's sick Josh, really sick,' Shannon choked back tears as she thought about her little girl lying in a hospital bed surrounded by machines and weak from the illness slowly eating away at her little body.

'Sick? How sick?'

'She's got Leukaemia Josh and she needs help, she'll die if she doesn't get it, that's why I'm here.'

'I don't understand…..what kind of help?'

'She needs a bone marrow transplant Josh and she needs it as soon as possible. Mom and I got tested but we're not a match, it's a long shot but it's possible that you could be a match for her. I'm here to ask for your help Josh, I'll get down on my knees and beg if I have to, I can't lose her, she's my entire world Josh, please…'

'This is too fucking much to take in Shannon! First you turn up here completely out of the fucking blue, you tell me that I have a ten year old daughter that I know nothing about now you're telling me that she's sick and she needs my help? I need to think about this, I can't deal with this…'

'Josh there's not much time for you to think! I'm leaving tomorrow night to go back to California, if you come back with me you can see her, you can be part of her life Josh I won't stop you! She's beautiful, she's so much like you…'

'SHANNON JUST STOP OKAY?' Josh snapped before placing his hands on his head. 'You gonna be staying at the hotel tonight?'

She nodded, it was too cold to hang around outside all night and there was no way that she was going back into the bar.

'I'll come and find you tomorrow morning, I'm gonna go back to the boat and think about this, all of this,' Josh sighed heavily before he reached down to pick her purse up from the floor. He stared at the photo of Caitlin for a moment before he looked at Shannon again. 'Can I take this with me?'

Shannon nodded before she opened her backpack once again to pull out some papers that she'd printed off from the internet. They contained information about being a bone marrow donor and what to expect, she thought that Josh might want some more information about what she was asking him to do.

'They'll tell you all about the procedure, I know you haven't said yes but it'll help you to understand what you might have to do if you're a match. I know I've made mistakes Josh and I know that I hurt you but please, don't take your anger out on her, this isn't her fault Joshua,' Shannon prayed that he would listen and that in the end, he would do the right thing.

'I'll see you tomorrow,' Shannon watched as Josh walked away from her.

The urge to call him back, to get on her knees and beg him to help Caitlin was almost too much but she knew that she had to give him a little time alone to think things over. She'd just dropped two huge bombshells on him out of nowhere and she couldn't help but feel sorry for him.

She just hoped that he would do the right thing, there was nothing more that she could do other than to wait for his decision and pray that he would come back to California with her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Well thank you all for the reviews so far, please stay with me as this is going to be long and sometimes hard and painful reading. I'm busy researching all that I can about Leukeamia, if there are any experts out there please drop me a PM as I am finding certain things difficult to understand. Here's the next update, please leave a review and let me know what you think, even if it's negative! :)**

Chapter Three

**Josh/Phil's POV**

He couldn't take his eyes of the photograph that he held in his hands. He had a daughter, a ten year old daughter that he'd never seen or spoken to, how was he going to explain this to his father?

Ever since Shannon had left without saying goodbye he'd thought about her, he'd thought about how different his life could have been had she stayed with him in Seattle.

He'd known Shannon since Middle School when she'd moved from San Francisco after the death of her father. She was so quiet and shy but she was easily the most beautiful girl that he had ever seen in his life. For the first few weeks, she'd been picked on by jealous girls who weren't happy that a prettier, brighter girl had come to their school.

It was because of the bullying that she had suffered that he had first spoken to her. He was walking home from school one day, taking a short cut through the local park as he always did when he'd found her all alone, crying on a bench. He'd taken the opportunity to go and speak to her and from that moment, she'd stolen his young heart.

They became friends, really good friends. He protected her from the girls who had made her life hell and she thanked him by helping him to study, he needed all the fucking help he could get on that score.

It wasn't until they were both fifteen that their relationship changed, he still remembered the day they'd become boyfriend and girlfriend so fucking clearly.

It was Valentine's Day and he was due to go out on a date with another girl, he couldn't even remember her name now. Shannon was supposed to be going out with some dumbass when an hour before his date, she called him in tears to tell him that her date had cancelled on her because he'd found someone 'prettier' to go out with.

Josh cancelled his own date without a second thought, there was only one person that he wanted to be with and that person was Shannon. They didn't go out, Josh spent the night trying to comfort her as she tried to figure out just why no guy wanted to date her.

Hearing her talking about herself like she was some ugly freak had pushed him over the edge, he told her that night just how he felt about her and how he wanted to be with her. That night, they'd shared their first kiss and no other kiss before or since had ever compared.

He continued to look at the photograph in a stupor, suddenly he'd gone from being a young, single, childless guy to someone who had responsibilities. He'd always wanted children and now his wish had come true except his child was now ten years old. She didn't know him, he'd missed out on so fucking much all because Shannon had decided to run away.

He'd never see her first steps, hear her first words or be there for her first school play, he was never going to get those precious ten years back and he was so fucking angry at both Shannon and himself for that.

When she'd told him about the pregnancy he could have and should have handled things a lot better. He thought that she had wanted the termination, if she'd just told him that she wanted to keep the baby then things would have been so different. He would have stood by her, he would have looked after her because he loved her. Instead, she'd assumed that he didn't love her, that he didn't want her or the baby and that just wasn't true, it was never true.

'I thought you'd be back here,' his father's voice rumbled from behind him and he quickly hid the photograph of Caitlin under the table. 'What did she want?'

His father didn't try to hide his disdain for Shannon, he wouldn't even speak her name.

'Where do I fucking start?' Josh sighed, how the fuck was he going to explain this to his dad? He'd never known that Shannon had been pregnant, Josh had never felt the need to tell him.

'It's money she wants isn't it? You know what you can…'

'It's not money dad, it's more than that. So much fucking more,' Josh kept his eyes on his dad as he took a seat opposite him at the table.

'She sick or something?' Josh shook his head before he brought the photograph back out from under the table, he slid the image across to his dad who's eyes widened as soon as he looked at the picture of a smiling Caitlin.

'This can't be….this is some sort of fucking joke, it has to be!' Phil said in disbelief as he stared at the picture of his granddaughter open mouthed.

'It ain't a joke dad, look at her, she's the female version of me,' Josh smiled a little as his dad studied the picture.

'Did you know about her?' Josh shook his head again before he tried to explain things.

'I knew that she was pregnant but I thought she'd had an abortion. I took her to the clinic and she told me she'd gone through with it, she left town because she felt like she didn't have any other choice I guess,' Josh sighed.

'And she turns up here all of a fucking sudden after ten years? Where the fuck has she been? You had a right to know….'

'Getting angry about this isn't gonna fucking help me dad okay?' Josh snapped as he placed his head in his hands. 'Caitlin, that's her name, she has cancer dad and Shannon came here to ask for my help…'

'Whoa! Back the fuck up a minute here son! You have a daughter who's ten years old and now you're telling me she has cancer? What does she want, money for treatments or something? We can give her money but only if we can see…'

'Dad this isn't about fucking money! She wants me to go back to California with her tomorrow so I can get tested to see if I can be a bone marrow donor for Caitlin! She's dying dad, I have a little girl that I've never fucking met and she's dying,' his emotions spilled out before he could stop them. He'd been on the verge of tears ever since Shannon had handed him the photo of their little girl but now that he'd spoken about her, now that he thought about the possibility of losing her without ever getting the chance to be a part of her life, it was just too much.

Phil reached out across the table and placed his hand on top of his sons. He knew his son only too well and he knew that his tears weren't just for Caitlin, they were for Shannon too. Ever since she'd left Josh had changed, sure he'd dated other women, he'd even been engaged to someone for a year but the happiest he'd ever been was when he was with her. Now that she was back, he had no doubt that seeing her had stirred up old emotions that he'd try to bury over the years. As much as he disliked Shannon for what she had put his son through, he knew that there was only one thing that Josh could do.

'You know what you have to do don't you son?' Josh looked up at his father with tears still rolling down his cheeks.

'I need to go to California and help my daughter,' Phil shook his head and patted his son's hand before he got up out of his seat.

'And I'm coming with you, I'll be damned if I'm missing out on the chance to meet my only grandchild…'

'What about the boat?'

'I don't give a flying fuck about the boat, I'll ring Cornelia and sort something out with her. You'd better go find Shannon and let her know what's happening but I'm warning you Josh, that girl broke your heart once before and I am not gonna stand by and let her do it all over again. Do you understand me?'

**Shannon's POV**

'Hi sweetie, how are you feeling today?' Shannon tried as best as she could to sound upbeat when she spoke to her daughter. She needed to be positive and keep her spirits up even if she was a fair distance away.

'I miss you mommy, I had a bad dream today and no one was here to hug me,' Shannon's chest tightened as she heard the sadness so evident in her daughter's voice. She felt helpless, she wanted to take her pain away and swap places with her but there was nothing that she could do other than to hold her and comfort her and right now she couldn't even do that.

'Mommy's coming home tomorrow sweetheart, I promise. I'll even bring back a little present for my brave girl, anything you like,' Shannon did well to hide the fact that tears were pouring down her cheeks.

'I don't want a present, I just want you. I've gotta go, Grandma wants to talk to you and I'm sleepy. I love you mommy.'

'I love you too darling, so much. See you later alligator.'

'In a while crocodile!' Her daughter giggled a little before she handed the phone over to her mom.

'So you'll be home tomorrow then? Did you get to see the doctor?' Shannon closed her eyes and cursed herself silently for not telling her mother the truth.

Her mother had never been a fan of Josh from the moment she had met him. She was a God fearing woman and as much as Shannon loved her, their relationship was strained to say the least. After they'd both been tested for bone marrow compatibility and their results had come back to reveal that neither of them were a match, Shannon had mentioned to her mother about going to find Josh and she had lost it big time. She didn't want Josh to know anything about Caitlin, even if it meant her losing her life. If Caitlin did die, it was apparently 'God's Will'.

As far as she was concerned, God could go fuck himself because her baby was going NOWHERE. She knew damn well that her mother would lose it if Josh came back to California with her but she really didn't care. If he could save Caitlin then that's all that mattered to her. To prevent a huge argument or scene, she had told her mother that she was going to Connecticut to talk to another specialist about possible 'new treatments' for Caitlin to try. Of course it was a load of bullshit but her mother hadn't questioned her too much about it thank God.

'He wasn't all that great mom, I had like a ten minute meeting with him and he looked at Caitlin's notes but according to him, the doctors there are doing all that they can. I'm coming home on the first flight tomorrow,' she sighed, hoping that her mother wasn't going to keep her talking for too long.

She was so tired and she was desperate to get some much needed sleep.

'Well what a waste of money, I told you that there was no point in going there Shannon! This is all up to God now…'

Before her mother could utter another word she put the phone down on her. The last thing that she needed right now was to hear about God's fucking plan. If there was a God then he was pretty fucked up, what kind of God gives an innocent ten year old girl cancer? She'd given up any belief in God when her father had died when she was twelve years old. She was a daddy's girl and losing him had hit her hard, if she lost Caitlin, she really couldn't see how she could go on.

The bath water that she'd sat in for over an hour was now stone cold, it was time for her to get up and drag herself off to bed to try and get some rest before she met up with Josh tomorrow. She pulled herself out of the bath and quickly wrapped a warm towel around her water soaked body.

She dried herself off before pulling on a thick cotton dressing gown. She was towel drying her hair when she heard a knocking at her door. She hadn't ordered room service or rang down to reception to ask for anything and the only person that knew she was here was Josh…before she'd finished drying her hair she ran to the door to answer it as she realised that it must be Josh calling in on her early to tell her his decision.

As soon as she opened the door she was greeted by two dark brown eyes, the eyes that had made her melt so many times.

'Sorry if I interrupted you, do you want me to wait…'

'No it's fine! Come in,' Shannon opened the door all the way and stood back to allow Josh into the room.

'I've made a decision, I thought I'd come and tell you now rather than waiting until tomorrow,' he sighed and Shannon's heart began to race. 'If I can help then I will Shannon, I might not know her but she's my daughter and I want to get to know her, so does my father.'

'He's coming too?' Shannon asked and Josh nodded.

'There's no way in hell you're keeping him away you know what he's like, he's even more stubborn than I am,' Josh smiled a little as he let his eyes lock with hers.

'Thank you for doing this Joshua, you don't know how much this means to me, how much it could mean to Caitlin,' Shannon smiled back at him.

'She's my daughter Shannon, I might not know her but do you really think that I'd let her suffer? That I'd let her die? If I can help her I will, even if I can't I'm gonna stick around and be there for her, I want to be a part of her life Shannon.'

'You will be part of her life Josh, I'm not gonna stop you from being her dad, I should have told you a long time ago, I know I should have but I can't turn back the clock, believe me I wish I could,' she sighed, she had to tear her eyes away from his, looking into them just started to bring back old memories that she had tried so hard to forget.

'Both of us made mistakes, the important thing is that we're both united for her, I've got a lot of time to make up for and I'm gonna be at that hospital every fucking day, that's if she likes me,' he sighed.

'She'll like you, she likes everybody. She'll talk you to death, even though she's sick she hasn't lost the ability to speak,' she smiled thinking about how excited Caitlin would be when she met Josh. Over the past year or so she'd been asking a lot of questions about her father. She had answered most of them but she'd never told Caitlin who he was.

'I guess I'd better be going, I've gotta pack and get my shit together before we leave, do you want me to come and pick you up or shall we meet at the airport?'

'We can meet at the airport, the first flight is supposed to leave at ten so if we meet there at eight that should give us enough time to check in and get something to eat, thank you so much Josh, thank you,' Shannon smiled at him.

He didn't say anything else but he continued to look at her for a few seconds before he left. As soon as he'd closed the door behind him, she fell back onto the bed and burst into tears with a mixture of delight and relief. She'd been so scared that he would tell her to fuck off, he seemed to be having the time of his life since becoming a TV star and now he would have to give up his party lifestyle, at least for the time being anyway.

She just hoped that he would be a match for Caitlin, if he wasn't then there was a real possibility that he wouldn't have a lot of time left to get to know her. She tried not to think negatively as she crawled into the double bed and wrapped the covers tight around her body. When she closed her eyes there was only one person that came to mind and it surprised her. She fell to sleep thinking about Joshua Harris.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks as always for the reviews, I am updating this now before FF goes into a shit fit again (yeah I said it) so I hope it's okay, if it's not, I am doing my best! Reviews please, ta :)**

Chapter Four

'She's late,' Phil grumbled as he lit another cigarette.

'Dad, she's five fucking minutes late so what? Can you please go easy on her? She has a lot on her mind…'

'Yeah well she'll have even more on her fucking mind once I'm finished with her!'

'DAD!' Josh snapped, he knew that he was more than a little pissed off with Shannon but arguing was not going to help any of them. 'Can you please try and be at least civil to her? Whether you like it or not, she's the mother of my child okay? We both made mistakes in the past, this isn't all down to her, I was a dick…..'

'She still should have fucking told you about the baby!'

'You're right, I should have,' Josh jumped when Shannon's voice spoke from behind them, they'd been waiting outside for her but evidently she had been waiting in the terminal, probably a good idea considering how cold it was.

'I came a little early so I could get us the plane tickets, I wanted to make sure that we were on this flight,' she handed the tickets over to Phil and Josh, the former took his wallet out and began to pull out dollar bills before Shannon stopped him. 'I don't want any money Phil, the least I can do is pay for the flights.'

'And you think that's gonna make everything better huh?'

'No Phil believe me, nothing will be better until Caitlin is well again. I know that I fucked up okay? But I can't change anything, I don't want there to be any animosity between us for Caitlin's sake. The last thing that she needs to see is us fighting or calling each other names, can we at least try to be civil to one another for her?' Shannon asked and Josh held his breath for his father's response.

'Go and wait inside for us, I need to talk to her in private,' he growled and Josh immediately looked at Shannon who nodded her head.

As soon as Josh was out of earshot, Phil pulled Shannon towards him.

'I don't want you fucking my son around again, you got that?' He snapped.

'Phil I came here for Caitlin, I didn't come here to win Josh back or to rekindle any romance that we once had…'

'That might be the case but I know my son Shannon and I know that he still loves you…'

'Jesus Phil it's been over ten years! I know how many women he's had, hundreds if not fucking thousands since me!'

'You really have no fucking idea do you?' Phil glared at her and Shannon looked at him confused.

'No, I really don't have any idea.'

'For months after you left you know what he did? He would drive around the fucking streets until the early hours looking for you, hoping that you would turn up somewhere. If he wasn't out looking for you he was up in his fucking room online trying to track you down, but your mom seemed to do a damn good job in covering your tracks….'

'Tell me something then Phil, if he missed me so fucking much, if he loved me that much, why the fuck did he sleep with my friend a couple of days after I left? Or didn't you know about that?' She snapped, inside her heart was breaking after hearing what he had to say.

'Emily? That little bitch told him that she knew where you were, she told him that if he slept with her, she'd give him your new address, your new phone number so yeah, he fucked her and guess what? Nothing, he got nothing. You broke his heart Shannon, I thought that you were the best thing that ever happened to him but you weren't, you were the worst. I'm not standing by and letting you hurt him all over again, we're coming to California for Caitlin and I'm warning you, stay away from Josh,' Shannon didn't get the chance to respond to anything Phil had said, as soon as he'd finished speaking he went straight inside.

She stood outside, shaking after hearing what Phil had said. She'd always believed that Josh would be fine, that he would move on and find someone to take his mind away from her. After his reaction to her pregnancy, she had genuinely thought that he didn't care all that much for her, she convinced herself that she'd just been a piece of pussy to him and nothing more. Hearing what Phil had to say just made her feel a million times guiltier about everything she had done.

She'd kept him from his daughter for ten years and both he and Caitlin had suffered as a consequence of her actions. She'd always thought that she'd been a good mother but no good mother would have acted like she had over the past ten years. She would never be able to make up for the time he'd lost and Phil was right, she was the worst thing that had ever happened to him and she owed it to both of them to try and stay away from him, she'd caused him enough pain already.

'That was quick,' Josh said as he saw his dad coming into the airport after only a couple of minutes alone with Shannon. He looked behind his dad, expecting to see her following him but she was nowhere to be seen. He shot his dad a glare and tried to go past him to go outside and look for her when his father pulled him back.

'Leave her alone Josh, I mean it. You're going to California for Caitlin and ONLY for Caitlin, you got that?'

'Whether you like it or not, this is MY fucking life dad. You're trying to make Shannon out to be the fucking devil or something and she's not! I was a fucking idiot back then, when she told me she was pregnant the first thing I fucking said was that she should get rid of the baby, I didn't even say one word about her keeping it, is it any fucking wonder why she left like she did? She thought I didn't give a shit about her and I made her feel like that so don't go blaming all this shit on her because it's not fair….'

'You still love her don't you?' Josh knew that he couldn't lie to his father, he could try but he'd never get away with it. His dad knew him better than anyone and he could tell straightaway if he was telling the truth or not.

'You know how I feel about her dad but you should also know that I have no intention of trying to get back with her because I know I'm not good enough, never was never will be,' Josh walked away from his father before he could say anything, he needed to be alone, he didn't need to be told to stay away from Shannon again.

He knew that his father was only trying to protect him but he was twenty eight years old, he was old enough to make his own decisions and choose his own path. As much as he wanted to go to California, meet his daughter, get her better then try to win Shannon back, he knew that he wasn't good enough for her. She could have almost any guy in the entire world and there was no way that she would choose to have him back, he was absolutely sure of that.

Shannon took a few minutes to gather herself before going back inside the airport to find Phil and Josh. She spotted Phil almost straightaway, he was sitting next to some old man deep in conversation but she couldn't see Josh.

She didn't really want to go and sit next to Phil and try to make conversation so she decided to go and grab a coffee instead. Once she had bought her coffee, she sat over in the corner and pulled out her Kindle from her bag. She tried to concentrate enough to read but Phil's words kept spinning around in her head like a broken record. She took her last sip of coffee and she was about to get up and leave to find Josh when a group of women came and sat on the table next to her. Their topic of conversation immediately piqued her interest and instead of leaving, she decided to stay and eavesdrop.

'Oh come on Fran don't be so upset! You had BOTH the Hillstrand brothers!'

'I didn't come here for them though did I? I came here for Josh and YOU were the only one that got him!' The woman called Fran huffed and folded her arms across her balloon like chest.

'Listen honey, you didn't miss anything! He's tiny and I mean TINY! I couldn't feel a fucking thing!' This ugly blonde tramp who Fran was so jealous of sneered and Shannon could feel her temperature rising. She was lying, she had been with Josh enough times to know that he was NOT tiny by any means. The chances were he hadn't gone anywhere near her and she was lying to try and impress her dumb friends.

'He made me suck his cock for like half an hour then when he FINALLY went down on me, the stupid motherfucker couldn't find a clit if he had a sat nav directing him to it!'

She wasn't going to listen to any more of this shit, something had to be said. She got up out of her seat and walked over to their table.

'Um excuse me, I couldn't help overhearing you talking about Josh…'

'Uh, this is none of your fucking business honey..'

'Let me tell YOU something honey, you probably couldn't feel anything because your pussy is so fucking wide that you could fit a truck up there and as for him not being able to find a clit, he found mine every fucking time so I suggest you shut the fuck up and quit telling lies about him,' She snapped.

'Who the fuck do you think you are?' Blondie stood up and went face to face with Shannon but she wasn't scared, not one bit.

'I'm….'

'She's the mother of my child so I suggest you back the fuck up right NOW!' Shannon felt her skin blush as Josh appeared from seemingly nowhere to come and join in with the argument.

Blondie immediately did as she was told, sitting down as her friends all looked at Josh open mouthed.

'Come on, let's go get some air,' Josh held out his hand to her and she took it without thinking.

They walked out of the airport hand in hand and she couldn't get over how good it felt to be so close to him again. When they got outside, she corrected herself and pulled her hand out of his, she had promised Phil to stay away from him and that's exactly what she had to try and do. She had broken his heart before and she would never be able to repair it no matter what she did.

'Thanks for sticking up for me in there,' Josh smirked, he'd heard everything that she had said and he had to admit, his ego felt pretty fucking huge.

'Well you would have done the same for me, I think,' Shannon blushed, he'd obviously heard everything that she'd said judging by the dopey fucking look on his face.

'I just want you to know that I didn't fuck her, I didn't fuck any of them…'

'Josh, you can fuck whoever you choose to fuck. We're not together any more, you don't have to keep it in your pants for my sake okay? You don't owe me any explanations, we're both single and we can do what we want, I'm gonna go back inside, I need to take a piss before we get on the flight,' she sighed heavily before heading back into the airport.

She didn't want to take a piss at all, she just had to get the hell away from him. The more time she spent with him, the more her resolve started to wilt. He was still as gorgeous as he had been back in High School and he still had that annoying fucking ability to make her smile even when she was pissed off at him. He was such a fucking fucker and it was frustrating, why couldn't he be ugly or something?

Josh watched as Shannon walked away from him, the old memories of their times together just kept flooding back every time he was close to her. He remembered every date, every kiss, every touch, every time they'd made love, she was engrained in his brain and he couldn't do anything about it.

He'd thrown himself into a whirlwind of drink, women and fast living ever since she'd left but nothing made him stop thinking about her. Meeting Caitlin was only going to make his feelings for her mother even stronger than they already were. No matter what he did, he was never going to fall out of love with Shannon Andrews, his first and only love.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for all the reviews and alerts on this guys! Please keep reviewing, the more reviews the quicker I update! Thanks SO much! :)**

Chapter Five

Shannon could feel her whole body shaking as she walked into the Children's Hospital of Orange County with Josh by her side. They'd arrived back here just over an hour and a half ago and rather than waiting until the morning, Josh wanted to meet his daughter right away.

His dad had wanted to join them at the hospital but Josh had put his foot down. Caitlin might find it too much to meet one strange man let alone two and he didn't want her to freak out or make her even sicker than she already was so before they'd come here, they'd dropped Phil off at a local hotel much to his dismay.

'We can either take the elevator or walk, it's up to you,' Shannon asked him as they stopped by the elevators.

Normally he would choose to walk but his legs felt a little shaky and he wasn't sure that he would be able to make it up the stairs without them giving out from beneath him.

'I think we'd better take the elevator,' he replied, trying hard to cover the nervousness in his voice.

He was terrified that Caitlin would meet him and just hate him or tell him to leave and never return again. For ten years she'd never had a father, what if she didn't want one? Maybe she was happy with just having Shannon and her grandmother, she might not want anyone else. If she hated him or refused to acknowledge him then he knew damn well that his heart would break but what was he supposed to do? Not see her? That just wasn't an option, he HAD to try, he had to give it a shot even if things didn't go well.

Neither of them said anything as they got into the elevator and waited until it reached the third floor. Shannon knew that once they got out, they were only a minute away from Caitlin's room. Her heart was beating at one hundred miles per hour, she hoped that Caitlin would be okay with Josh, she could see how much this first meeting meant to him and she was desperate for it to go well but it was out of her hands.

When they got to the third floor, Shannon stepped out first and stopped Josh from walking any further down the long corridor.

'She looks a lot different from the picture I gave you Josh, she's lost her hair and she's weak but we made a tough little girl. She's never going to give up without a fight and she has plenty of that, she also has an answer for everything so be prepared,' Shannon smiled as she tried her best to prepare Josh for his first meeting with his little girl. 'You ready?'

Josh swallowed hard and nodded his head, he'd lost the ability to talk. This was the most important moment of his life so far and he did not want to screw it up.

Shannon took just a few steps before she stopped outside the first room to her left. She took one last look at a visibly nervous Joshua before she opened the door to the room.

'Mommy!'

'Hi honey!' Shannon practically ran into the room and pulled her daughter into a hug, she'd only left her for a day but even a day was too long.

When she eventually pulled away from her daughter, she noticed that Caitlin's eyes were firmly fixed on the doorway. She turned to see Joshua standing there frozen to the spot.

'Mom, who's that man?'

Shannon was about to respond when all of a sudden Josh bolted down the corridor.

'Mommy's gonna be back in a second honey….'

'No! I don't want you to leave!' Before she could move, Caitlin had clamped her arms around her waist and she knew that she wasn't going to be able to go anywhere.

She didn't know whether it was Caitlin asking who he was or whether it was seeing her so sick which had caused him to run but he was going to have to wait, her daughter was her number one priority right now and she had no doubt that Josh would understand that.

She held Caitlin in her arms for a couple of minutes before she pulled her down gently to lie on the bed. She slowly started to stroke her daughter's beautiful face and smiled a little as her eyes began go cross eyed, she stopped her tickling when it looked like she was going to fall asleep because there was something that she needed to say. Josh may have left but Caitlin had asked her a question and she intended to answer it, maybe if she knew who he was before meeting him it would make things more comfortable for both of them.

Recently she'd been asking quite a lot of questions about her father and Shannon had told her bits and pieces. She knew that her daddy was a fisherman and she knew that they'd dated but other than that, Shannon hadn't told her all that much about him.

'That man that you asked about,' she started as Caitlin looked at her intently, 'he's your father sweetie.'

Caitlin suddenly sat upright in bed, pulling out of her mother's embrace as she shot her a confused look.

'Why did he leave without saying hello? Did I do something wrong? Is he coming back?'

Shannon sat upright on the bed and pulled her daughter into a hug, the poor girl looked on the verge of tears.

'You didn't do anything wrong my darling, he's just nervous about meeting you that's all but I promise that I'll bring him back here tomorrow so you can talk, would you like that?' Shannon had to fight back her own tears as she saw the pain and sadness in her daughters eyes, she was responsible for this pain and that's what made things a million times worse.

'Will he bring me candy? If he brings me candy, we can talk,' Shannon burst out laughing at her daughter before pulling her into another hug.

'You drive a hard bargain Caitlin Andrews!'

Josh sat outside the hospital shaking like a leaf as he lit yet another cigarette. He'd only been down here for fifteen minutes and this was his fourth cigarette in a row.

He pulled out the photograph of Caitlin that Shannon had given him just yesterday and he couldn't get over how sick she looked. Her long black hair was gone, her olive skin was now as pale as snow and her eyes, Jesus her eyes were what got to him more than anything else. Even though she had a smile on her face sadness and pain lay behind them, she was going through something that no ten year old should have to go through.

He was sure that his heart had stopped the moment he'd seen her and then to hear her ask who he was…it was too much to bear. He didn't want to go into her room crying like a baby, asking a so called God just why the fuck he'd been so cruel to his daughter. He didn't know her but he would do anything, anything to take her pain away. He was praying that he'd be a match for her because if he lost her before he'd even got the chance to know her, he knew that he would never recover.

'Night my baby, I love you so much,' Shannon whispered into her sleeping daughter's ear before planting a soft kiss on her forehead.

She'd rocked her to sleep, okay she was ten years old and probably too old to be rocked but Caitlin liked it, it comforted her and she needed all the comfort that she could get right now.

Shannon stared at her daughter from the doorway for a few minutes before she left the room, closing the door behind her before making her way to the elevator. She hoped that Josh was either waiting for her outside or in reception somewhere, if he wasn't then she'd have to go back to his hotel because she needed to talk to him.

She wasn't angry with him for running out like he had, he'd only found out yesterday that he had a daughter and seeing her hooked up to machines and looking so sick, it wasn't easy for her so fuck knows how Josh felt.

As the elevator doors opened on the ground floor, Shannon stepped out and looked around to see if she could spot Josh but he was nowhere to be seen. As soon as she stepped outside, she looked across the road to a row of benches and immediately spotted him. He was smoking a cigarette and she could tell that he was upset even from a short distance away.

She stood back in the shadows and just watched him for a few minutes. Every time she looked at him a buried memory from their past popped into her head and it was driving her crazy. She needed to keep those memories buried but her stupid brain just kept teasing her over and over again.

Josh could feel eyes upon him as he sat on a bench outside the hospital waiting for Shannon to appear. When he looked up his eyes immediately fell upon her and he had to fight the urge to just run to her, grab her in his arms and tell her how he'd been waiting for her for these past ten years.

He remained seated as she started to make her way towards him, he couldn't tell if she was pissed or not, she had every right to be, he had run out on both her and Caitlin after all.

'Are you okay?' Shannon asked cautiously, she didn't want to upset him further by pushing him too hard.

'I just….She looks so sick Shannon, I thought I'd prepared myself for this but Jesus Christ! This shouldn't be fucking happening to her! It's not fair Shannon!' He tried to hold back his emotions but he couldn't, why did his little girl have to have this fucking disease?

'Josh listen to me, I know it's hard but no matter how sad you feel inside, you have to try and be strong for her because if we look like we're giving up, she'll give up…'

'That's easy for you to say Shannon! You know her! You've had ten fucking years with her! I know nothing about her, I might not be the father that she wants me to be, that she needs me to be…'

'You think this is easy for me Josh? You think it's easy for me to sit up there holding her hand day after day when she's in pain? I know that this is hard for you but don't even think for one fucking second that this is a walk in the park for me because it's not!'

Shannon snapped and Josh immediately felt guilty about what he'd said. Of course he knew it wasn't easy for her, it wasn't easy for anybody.

'I'm just scared, I'm fucking terrified that I'm gonna lost her before I've got the chance to even know her….'

'Then tomorrow, you come here with me and start getting to know her. I told her who you were Josh and she wants to meet you, she's excited to meet you. She's not scary Josh, not as scary as I am anyway,' Shannon smiled as she reached out and took his hand in hers. 'Everything will be okay Josh, I know that everything will be okay.'


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks so much for all the reviews so far! There's a tiny bit of smut in this update, not too much but if you don't like penises then I suggest you don't read! Please keep the reviews coming in as they inspire me! Thanks guys, enjoy the rest of your weekend!**

Chapter Six

Josh tossed and turned in bed as he tried but failed to drift off to sleep. He had far too much on his mind and there was no way that he would be getting any rest tonight.

Instead of fighting a losing battle, he decided to get up and head downstairs where the hotel bar was still open, maybe having a drink or six would help him. Alcohol had helped him out in the past and he was hoping that it would help him out again. He quietly got dressed, he was anxious not to disturb his father who was asleep in the room next door, he could hear his fucking snores bellowing out through the thin wall.

As soon as he'd put some clothes on, he crept out of the room, quietly closing the door behind him. If his father heard him sneaking out then he'd be in deep shit. He knew that the sensible thing to do would be to stay in his room and watch some shitty TV until the time came for him to visit Caitlin but he was sure that having a few drinks wouldn't harm anybody, he'd be fully recovered by morning and nobody would ever know where he'd been.

Shannon sat on the couch in her mom's house anxiously waiting for her to return home from her Church Fundraiser. She had no choice but to tell her the truth about where she'd really been, there was no way that she could keep her mom and Josh apart, it would be virtually impossible.

She knew that her mother would be pretty pissed but she was hoping that she would understand why she had done what she had. She only had Caitlin's best interests in mind, she hadn't gone to Alaska to fuck him and to rekindle their relationship, she had gone there to try and save her daughter's life and even though old feelings were being stirred up inside her, her only concern was Caitlin. Her mother might not like Josh one bit but it was tough, he could possibly save Caitlin's life and she had done what she had to do as far as she was concerned.

She sat on the couch in silence for over an hour waiting for her mother to return. It was gone twelve when she heard the rattle of a key in the door and she braced herself for what was about to come, it probably wasn't going to be all that pretty.

'I didn't think you'd still be up but I'm glad you are, I have some VERY exciting news for you honey…' she had to interrupt her mother before she started gossiping about somebody or something, she hadn't even taken her coat off yet and she was already starting with her rumours.

'Mom I think you'd better sit down, I have something to tell you,' Shannon said loudly so her mother would hear her.

Her mother stared at her coldly for a few seconds before she took her coat off and threw it over the nearest chair.

'You're pregnant again aren't you? I KNEW it, you've been getting fat…'

'MOM! I am NOT fucking pregnant! I haven't fuc… slept with anyone since Josh okay?' She was used to her mother making disparaging remarks about her appearance so getting called 'fat' was nothing new to her. In fact, she was MORE pissed off that she hadn't even asked how Caitlin was as soon as she'd walked in through the fucking door.

'Well praise the Lord! I've been praying every night….'

'Josh is here mom, so is his dad,' she interrupted her mother once again to not so subtly break the news to her about Josh's arrival.

She watched as her mother clutched her chest dramatically before she fell into her chair, gasping for breath. She was used to scenes like this, when she'd told her that she was pregnant she had 'fainted' for ten minutes then she'd insisted that she was having a fucking heart attack. Her mother was nothing if not a tad dramatic about things.

'I knew that something was wrong, I can FEEL that wicked, wicked man's presence around here already!'

'Mom, calm down…'

'I will NOT CALM DOWN! He took your honour and left you pregnant!'

'First of all mom, he didn't take anything, I gave it to him, more than once actually…'

'Oh dear Lord..'

'Secondly, he's HERE to try and save his daughter's life, your granddaughter's life so he isn't that fucking wicked is he?' Shannon snapped, no matter what her mother said she'd never be able to convince her that Josh was 'The Devil'.

'He is NOT coming anywhere near my granddaughter! We don't need him! This is out of our hands now Shannon, we have to put our faith in the Lord….'

'Mom STOP! I am NOT putting my faith in anyone that I can't fucking see or talk to okay? I am going to fight for my little girl and I am NEVER giving up, Josh is here and he's going to meet Caitlin tomorrow, I don't care what you think about it, he's her father and he wants to be in her life so you'll just have to deal with it,' before her mother could respond, Shannon left the room.

She felt bad for speaking to her mother like that but she was more than a little frustrated with her. Why couldn't she see that she was just trying to help her little girl?

'Hey, put another shot of Jack in there please,' Josh hollered at the bartender who immediately came over and poured another shot into his glass. Josh handed over a wrinkled up note and told him to keep the change before he went over to a table in the corner of the bar.

This was his seventh shot of Jack already and he'd been in here for less than an hour. He felt a little light headed but he wasn't too drunk, he was used to drinking a lot more than this after all.

'Um, excuse me, you ARE Josh Harris aren't you?' Josh looked up to see two giant bowling ball sized breasts staring back at him.

He quickly let his eyes leave her breasts to focus on her face which actually wasn't too bad, she was kinda pretty, not the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen but she wasn't the ugliest either.

'Yeah I am, who wants to know?' Josh replied casually, was it really a good idea for him to be flirting with some fan of the show right now?

'I KNEW it was you! Can I join you?' The woman asked and Josh nodded, having a drink with someone wasn't a crime after all.

'You know, you're my favourite on the show! I think you're like, REALLY hot!'

Josh had heard this kind of shit before, ever since he'd appeared on the show girls had flocked to him. He'd been with hundreds, maybe even thousands but he was never satisfied.

'You know, I have a couple of bottles of wine in my room, wanna join me?'

He didn't even know her name but did it really matter? Once he'd fucked her he wouldn't want anything more to do with her anyway so a name wasn't important. If drinking wouldn't get the image of his sick daughter out of his head then maybe fucking someone would.

'Yeah, let's go.'

Shannon curled up in her bed, hugging her soft pillow as she closed her eyes to try and get some much needed sleep. She was worried about tomorrow, it was going to be a big day for Caitlin. Over the past year she had asked about her father a lot and now she was finally going to meet him. She hoped that they would get along and she hoped to God that her mother would stay away and not interfere between them. It was important that Caitlin got to know her father because, as much as she didn't want to think it, she might not have long left.

Even though her limbs were aching and her body was so tired after the trip to Alaska, she couldn't get to sleep, she had too many things on her mind. She wasn't going to get up out of bed, it was too cold to be wandering around the house in her nightie, so she decided to just stay where she was.

The same thoughts entered her head every night, what was she going to do if Caitlin didn't make it? Her little girl meant the world to her and she couldn't even imagine how empty and hollow her life would be without her. How would she ever be able to get over losing her daughter?

If Josh wasn't a match, there was a real chance that Caitlin would only be alive for another few months. Caitlin was a smart girl and she knew how serious her condition was, if Josh wasn't a match then she would have to tell her little girl how long she had left to live, what parent wanted to go through that?

Even having Josh back in her life didn't offer any sort of comfort right now, her first love was Caitlin and that would never change. From the moment she'd felt her move inside her, she knew that she would do anything for her, anything at all. She just felt helpless because she couldn't take her pain away and she could do nothing to make her better.

For the past ten years her life had revolved around her daughter. Before falling pregnant, she'd always wanted to be a heart surgeon. She'd always been top of every class in High School and Junior High, before the pregnancy it was almost certain that she was heading to college but then, everything changed, she changed.

As soon as she held Caitlin in her arms, nothing else mattered. She wanted to be there for her daughter, she wanted to take care of her and be the mother that she'd always wanted her mom to be. Instead of going back to High School, she had got herself a part-time job as a receptionist at a local dental surgery. The pay wasn't great and her mother hadn't been happy but the job served a purpose, it gave her enough money to rent a little apartment and she was able to move away from her domineering mother.

As Caitlin got older and started pre-school, she was able to work more hours. When Caitlin started Elementary School she began to work full time, she'd been very happy but when Caitlin was diagnosed with cancer, she wanted to be with her daughter every step of the way. She'd asked her mother if she could move back in with her, it wasn't ideal but it was the only option she had. Her mother wasn't short of money, after her father died in a car accident a life insurance policy had paid out a couple of million dollars and her mother's parents had left her with a healthy inheritance after they'd passed away.

Her mother agreed to take both her and Caitlin in, she seemed more than happy to have them back. Since they'd moved back in, her mother had been talking about how it was time for her to get married, she'd been dropping hints about the new Pastor in the church being a similar age to her and how he was a wonderful man…it was obvious that her mom wanted to try and set her up but she wasn't interested, dating was the last thing on her mind right now.

Her only concern was Caitlin and finding a man could wait. In fact, the chances of her every marrying and settling down were slim. Since Josh, she hadn't dated or had sex with anyone, she just wasn't interested in putting herself back out on the dating scene. Ever since she'd started to date Josh, she'd always thought that they would be together forever and the pain of leaving him was still with her. She'd given him his heart and he still had a great part of it and now that he was back, she was sure that she would never reclaim it.

She wasn't over him and she wasn't ready to move on, seeing him had proved that once and for all. She was sure that he didn't feel the same way, he'd fucked enough women to get her out of his system a long time ago. He was here for Caitlin and Caitlin alone, any chance of rekindling their romance was long gone and she'd have to get over it.

'You wanna fuck me?'

The girl, her name was Stephanie, groaned between kisses as Josh shut her hotel door with his foot. They'd started kissing in the elevator, as soon as the doors had closed she'd launched herself at him and he wasn't going to say no.

Without giving her an answer he began to unbuckle his jeans, he watched as she licked her lips and got down on her knees. As soon as he released his cock she was all over it, her hands and lips caressed him as he let his head rest against the door.

He closed his eyes and tried as hard as he could to enjoy the moment but thoughts of Caitlin and Shannon kept fucking spinning around in his head. The image of his daughter lying in her hospital bed surrounded by machines and covered in tubes haunted him, he was meeting her tomorrow for the first fucking time and yet here he was getting his dick sucked by some stranger, what the fuck was he doing?

Josh pulled her head away from his cock and grabbed the waistband of his jeans, pulling them up and hastily doing everything back up as Stephanie looked at him confused.

'Did I do something wrong?' She asked, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

'No, I just can't do this, I'm sorry.'

Before she could complain or ask why he couldn't do it, Josh left the room and walked away as quickly as he could. He'd been so fucking stupid, he should have stayed in his bed but no, he just HAD to have a fucking drink.

If Shannon knew about this she wouldn't let him anywhere near their daughter, what kind of father was he gonna be anyway? Probably a huge fuck up, a disaster, how could he teach his daughter morals when he didn't fucking have any himself?

If it wasn't for the fact that he could save her life, he wanted to run and never come back. He could never be the father that she probably wanted him to be and he could never be the man that Shannon wanted him to be. He was a car crash and it was no fucking surprise that Shannon had run from him as soon as she got the chance.

He knew what he had to do, he would have the test but he wasn't going anywhere near Caitlin. It was better that she never knew him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Well I've been writing all day and this is what I have! Thanks to all who reviewed, I send you hugs and love! A little penis talk in this update but generally, it's just someone acting like a penis... Reviews please, make my Monday! :))) Thanks!**

Chapter Seven

Shannon pulled up outside Josh's hotel expecting him to be waiting outside for her. She'd told him that she was picking him up at nine thirty and she was on time but he was nowhere to be seen. She pulled her cellphone out of her bag and tried his number but got his answerphone.

She threw the phone back in her bag in temper and looked towards the doors again, hoping to see him making his way towards her, but she didn't see Josh. Instead, she saw a pretty pissed looking Phil striding towards her car. She wound down her window and locked eyes with Phil as he stormed down the hotel steps and came to a stop by her car.

'Josh is locked in his fucking room, he says he's not coming to the hospital. Apparently, it's better that Caitlin doesn't meet him…'

'WHAT? Please tell me that you're fucking joking? She's expecting him Phil!' Shannon felt like crying, she knew how upset Caitlin would be if she turned up at the hospital without him.

'Go park your car, I'll take you up to his room, maybe the two of us can knock some fucking sense into him?'

'I'll fucking knock some fucking sense into him alright!'

Shannon put her foot flat to the floor as she sped off to park her car. She was absolutely fucking furious and she didn't care who knew it. How could he do this to his sick daughter? How could he be so fucking callous?

When she got to him she was gonna tear him a new fucking asshole, no one messed with her daughter and got away with it, not even him. She parked the car in record time and jogged back to the hotel entrance where Phil was waiting for her.

'Did you say something to him? Is that why he's acting like this?'

'How did I know that you would find a way to blame this on me? I WANT him to meet Caitlin! And I'm making damn sure that he does meet her, cos I am not going to that hospital without him you hear me?' Shannon pushed past Phil and stormed into the hotel, if she had to drag Josh to the hospital she would do it.

'You don't even know what room he's in,' Phil growled from behind her and she turned around to face him once again.

'So tell me what room he's in before I knock on each and every fucking door in this hotel!' She was in no mood to screw around, she'd promised Caitlin that they would be at the hospital by ten and soon her little girl would be wondering where the hell they were.

'Room 101, I tried to kick the door down but I guess my muscles aren't what they used to be…' Phil glared at her before she turned and began to walk away from him again.

People moved out of her way as soon as they saw the look on her face, she meant business. It was one thing to fuck around with her but her daughter? No one, NO ONE got away with doing that!

She bypassed the elevators, it was quicker for her to take the stairs, she could hear Phil yelling behind her but she wasn't listening to him. This was between her and Josh now and she was going to be the one to fix things.

Her heart raced as she ran up the stairs, all she could think about was how her little girl would react if she turned up at the hospital without Josh. She would blame herself, she would think that she had done something wrong when nothing could be further from the truth.

When she reached the first floor, she ran down the corridor and found room 101 within a couple of minutes.

'JOSHUA HARRIS OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR RIGHT NOW!'

She pressed her ear against the door to try and hear if he was moving around but the room was completely silent, maybe he'd left and gone back to Seattle?

'Fuck this, stupid piece of fucking shit. I'm gonna make sure your dumbass has no more babies when I'm finished with you, dumbo eared mother fucker!' She snapped in temper as she began to empty her bag in an effort to find her purse. She finally found it at the bottom of her bag, she pulled out one of her credit cards and threw the bag to the floor just as Phil caught up with her.

'What the fuck are you doing?' He asked between gasps for air.

'You can't kick it down and your dumbass son won't open it, so I'm gonna open this fucking door!'

'Since when did you know how to pick a fucking lock?'

'Since Josh and I got into old Mr Burkett's house, your son taught me how to do this,' Shannon pulled a hairclip out of her hair and began to fiddle with the lock as Phil looked on.

'And what exactly were you doing breaking into his house?'

'We went there to meditate, Josh LOVED meditating. He used to meditate all over the place, the floor, the car, his bed, my bed,' Shannon snapped as Phil rolled his eyes in despair.

'Loves young fucking dream, tell me, how did the two of you not stay together again?'

'Shut up Phil, I'm trying to concen…trate,' Shannon smiled as the door clicked open after a few minutes. She was never going to make a thief but her purpose had been served, she could now kick Josh's ass.

She didn't even pick her bag up from the floor, she walked right over it as she entered the room. She walked down the little corridor before coming face to face with Josh who was lying back in bed like everything was fucking fine.

'How the fuck did you..?'

Shannon grabbed the sheet covering him before he had a chance to react. He quickly covered up his penis as she rolled her eyes.

'I've seen your dick plenty of times before Josh! If you don't get out of this bed and get dressed right fucking now, you will NEVER see your little friend ever again, you got me?' Josh had never seen Shannon so mad and he knew that he deserved every bit of her anger but he could not go to the hospital, he just couldn't.

'Shannon please, I need you to understand…'

'Understand what Josh? Understand that you can't be a man? That you haven't got the fucking balls to face your daughter? She's waiting for you Joshua! You're the only father that she will ever have and this is your chance to get to know her! More importantly, this is HER chance to get to know you!'

'Look at me Shannon! I'm a fucking fisherman that parties hard and fucks lots of women, what kind of a father can I be to her huh? I fuck things up all the time! Chances are, I'll fuck her up…'

'NO! You'll fuck her up if you don't go to that hospital today. I won't LET you fuck her up and I don't believe for a fucking second that you will!'

'You don't know me Shannon, you know the boy, not the man,' Josh sighed as he sat down on his bed.

Shannon looked on as his frame slumped over, she was still angry with him but she knew that getting angry wasn't the way to sort this out. She walked over to the bed and sat down next to him.

'The boy I knew, he wasn't afraid of anything or anyone. He was fearless but when you got past all the layers, he had a big heart. YOU have a big heart Joshua and no matter how hard you've partied or how many pussies you've fucked, that doesn't change. She might not be here for much longer, how are you gonna feel if you never even talk to her? If you never gave her the chance to love you, because she wants to love you Josh, she wants a daddy to protect her and care for her. I am not going to that hospital without you, it's time for you to be a man Josh now are you gonna get dressed and come with me willingly or am I dragging your ass out of here? I will do it Josh, our little girl needs us, she needs BOTH of us!'

Shannon just hoped that her words would get through to him, if they didn't then she had no choice but to punch him, knock him out, then drag him to Caitlin's bedside.

'Gimme five minutes,' Josh relented because he knew that Shannon was right. He'd always have regrets if something happened to Caitlin and he hadn't spoken to her. She was his daughter and he owed it to her to try and get to know her. He already loved her, he'd loved her from the moment Shannon had handed him the photograph of her but now he had to prove it.

Shannon watched as Josh got up from the bed and went into the bathroom. She then glanced over at Phil who was glaring at her, instead of staying she decided to go and fetch the car to bring it around to the entrance.

She told Phil where she was going before she disappeared out of the room. If she and Phil were to sit in a room alone it was guaranteed that they would argue and she wasn't in the mood for that right now. She just wanted to get to the hospital and be with her daughter, they were already running late and poor Caitlin was probably thinking that they wouldn't turn up.

'Where's Shannon?' Josh asked his father as he came out of the bathroom.

'She's gone to get her car, you'd better move before she comes back to kick your ass,' Phil huffed as he stared at his oldest son. 'Have a good time last night?'

Josh looked at his father and immediately realised that he knew where he'd been.

'I only had a few drinks…'

'She's right Josh, you need to grow the fuck up! The night before you meet your daughter and you're out drinking until the early hours? This isn't about you anymore, this is about Caitlin! If you fuck this up…'

'I'm NOT gonna fuck this up dad!' Josh hollered as he put his shirt over his head. 'I'm scared okay? I'm fucking terrified but I love her and I'm gonna prove it.'

Josh continued to get dressed as his father remained silent. He needed to get out of here and get to the hospital before he changed his mind. As soon as he was dressed and ready to go, he gave his father a hug before running out of the room.

Phil called out after him but he wasn't prepared to listen to what he had to say, he knew what he had to do and he was going to do it without wasting any more time. He ran out of the hotel as fast as his legs would carry him, when he got to the front entrance Shannon was parked up in her car waiting for him.

As soon as Shannon saw Josh appear at the entrance she unlocked her doors and waited for him to get in. When he was in his seat and he'd closed his door she put pedal to metal, she wanted to get to the hospital as soon as possible.

'Look in the drawer, I bought something for you to give to her, they're her favourite,' Shannon said to Josh as she kept her eyes on the road.

Josh opened the drawer and pulled out a huge bag of Hershey Kisses, he hadn't even thought about stopping somewhere to buy her something. What a fucking great dad he was gonna be.

'How much do I owe you for these?'

'Forget about it, you can buy the next packet. Those will last about a day, she'll want more tomorrow,' Shannon smiled, her daughter definitely got her sweet tooth from her.

'Well at least I know something about her, she loves Hershey Kisses, just like her mom,' Josh smiled, when he'd pissed Shannon off in the past he'd always bought her a packet of Kisses to make things better.

'She loves soccer too, before she got sick she was playing every weekend. Her favourite team is Manchester United, she hates American soccer, she'll only watch Premier League games…'

'You're talking a foreign language to me Shannon,' Josh laughed.

'It's okay, your daughter will teach you everything you need to know,' Shannon smiled as she continued to drive a little too fast.

By the time they pulled up outside the hospital, Josh felt like he was going to puke everywhere. Shannon had always been a pretty bad driver and ten years had not changed a thing. He was just thankful that they'd made it to the hospital in one piece.

Both of them got out of the car and began to make their way into the hospital, when they reached the elevator's Josh's stomach began to turn again. He knew once they were on the third floor that Caitlin's room was right next to the elevator, he was going to come face to face with his daughter in a matter of minutes.

They were the only people in the lift and as they waited to reach the third floor, Shannon noticed the colour drain from Josh's face. She knew that he was scared but she was sure that after a couple of minutes in Caitlin's company he would be fine. She wasn't a shy girl at all, she would talk to anyone about anything.

When the lift stopped at the third floor, Shannon was the first to step out and Josh followed behind her. They walked the short distance to Caitlin's room but this time, Shannon pushed Josh in front of her, she was determined that he wasn't going to run out on them this time.

'Wha wha what do I say Shannon?' Josh's hand shook as he held the door knob and slowly began to turn it.

'Just say hello, Caitlin will do the rest,' Shannon whispered as she gently pressed Josh's back, urging him to open the door.

He took a deep breath and allowed the door knob to fully turn in his hand. As soon as the door opened, he came face to face with his little girl, his beautiful little girl. Not even cancer could take her beauty away.

'Hi there,' Caitlin smiled and sat up in her bed, Josh was lost for words as he just stared at his daughter.

'Say something Josh, she won't bite,' Shannon leaned in and whispered in his ear.

'Uh, hi there!' Josh finally figured out how his legs worked and he managed to put one in front of the other, moving closer to her bed with each step as her eyes remained fixed upon him.

'Are you scared of me or something? I have cancer, you won't catch it from me,' Josh shook his head fiercely, he was surprised that she was so forward, she didn't seem nervous at all.

'I'm uh, I'm scared you won't like me, does that sound stupid?' Josh took a seat alongside her bed as Caitlin laughed at him.

'Uh, yeah! Mommy said you were nice and she said you'd bring me candy,' her eyes immediately fell upon the packet of Hershey Kisses that Josh held in his hand.

'I did, I heard these were your favourite,' Josh smiled and leaned forward to place the bag in her hand.

'Thanks daddy.'

Hearing those words made everything stop and his past flashed before his eyes….


	8. Chapter 8

**Wow thanks for the reviews, alerts and to everyone who has read this so far! To answer one reviewers question, Jake does exist in this story, but so far I have wanted to focus on Josh,Phil,Shannon and Caitlin. The youngest Harris brother will be making an appearance fairly soon but not yet. LONG chapter ahead to make up for how long it's taken me to update! Cuteness, sadness, fighting and memories ahead, please review and make me happy, thanks all! :)))**

Chapter Eight

'Thanks daddy.'

Hearing those words made everything stop and his past flashed before his eyes. He finally realised what was important and it wasn't fishing, it wasn't fucking around with random women and partying hard, it was her. His beautiful, strong, brave little girl, everything he'd ever wanted was right here in this room. He had his daughter and the woman he loved, he didn't ever need to be anywhere else, hearing those words had changed his life forever.

'Josh, are you alright?' Shannon's voice brought him out of his temporary coma and he looked up at her and smiled.

'Yeah, I'm perfect,' he looked at his daughter who was smiling at him intently and before he could stop himself, he reached out and took his hand in hers.

'We've got a lot to catch up on,' he smiled at his daughter as he leaned forward and touched her face with his free hand. 'You're so beautiful Caitlin, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.'

'Mommy's beautiful too isn't she?' Josh turned to look at Shannon who was watching the scene with tears in her eyes.

'Your mom's a woman…'

'So is she the most beautiful woman you've seen?' Caitlin smirked, knowing full well that she had her father cornered.

'Caitlin…'

'Yeah, she is,' Josh answered his daughter before Shannon could stop him.

Shannon immediately felt her cheeks burning and she was well aware that she was blushing.

'Mommy, why are you blushing?' Caitlin was too quick, FAR too quick for her own good and now Josh was looking at her too.

'I'm not blushing honey, it's boiling in here! Isn't anyone else warm?' Shannon fanned herself as she tried desperately to drain the colour from her face.

'Nope, just you mommy, I'm cold. You know daddy, mommy hasn't dated anyone in a long time, you should take her out…'

'Caitlin! Your daddy is here to see you, he's not here to talk about me or listen to you trying to fix me up with a date. Now, I'm gonna go and get some water, does anyone want anything?' Shannon had to get out of here, she'd never been so fucking embarrassed in her entire life.

Both Josh and Caitlin shook their heads and watched as Shannon made her way out of the room. As soon as she was gone, Josh decided that it would be best to change the subject given Shannon's reaction.

'So, your mom told me that you like soccer?' Caitlin's eyes lit up when he mentioned this.

'I used to be so awesome before this stupid cancer came, I scored five goals in one match before, you should have seen me!' Josh's heart swelled with pride as his daughter started to speak about her love of soccer and how good she had been at it.

She was beautiful, intelligent, funny, she was everything that he'd ever wanted in a daughter and his nerves were gone completely. He wanted to remain at her side all day every day, he was never letting her go, ever. And if he had his way, he was never letting her mother go either.

When Shannon walked back into the room she couldn't help but smile. Caitlin was talking away to Josh like she'd known him all her life and she could see that Josh was loving every moment, she knew that he would.

She continued to watch from the doorway as father and daughter got to know each other, she'd never seen Josh look so content before and it warmed every inch of her. She only regretted that she hadn't told Josh sooner, if Caitlin didn't get better there wouldn't be many more times like this.

'I want to know about you and mom…'

Josh immediately looked at Shannon for help, he didn't know how much he should say or even what he should say.

Shannon had been expecting Caitlin to ask questions about her and Josh, not necessarily so soon but it was no shock to her that Caitlin wanted to know about them. She took a seat next to her bed and looked at Josh before starting to answer their daughter's question as best she could.

'Well, your dad and I met in Middle School, we were only a couple of years older than you are now, we started dating when we were fifteen and you came along a couple of years later…'

'Did you love each other?'

The question lingered in the air as Shannon and Josh looked at each other, both of them knew the answer, the truth was they still felt the same way about each other as they had back in High School but neither one of them had the guts to actually say it.

'Yes we did, very much,' Shannon looked at her daughter who just looked more confused by her answer.

'Then why did you break up?'

Josh smiled, she might take after him in the looks department but she had her mom's brains.

'Sometimes a relationship just doesn't work out, when you're older and you're dating boys, you'll understand…'

'Do you still love each other?'

Shannon bowed her head slightly, this was a complicated question to try and answer. If she said no then she'd be lying but if she said yes, that opened up a big can of worms. She was about to answer when someone coughed from the door, Shannon turned to see her mother standing with her arms folded leaning up against the door frame.

She'd told her mother to stay away, this day was for Josh but of course she just HAD to come and cause a fucking scene.

'Well hello there Joshua, long time no see,' her mother shot Josh a hateful look before she moved into the room.

'Hi grandma, my daddy's come to see me!' Shannon looked at her mother and silently pleaded with her not to say anything bad.

'Don't expect him to stay honey, he never wanted you before…'

'MOM! We're leaving, NOW!' Shannon got to her feet and began to push her mother out of the room before she could say anything else. She should have known that she'd make an appearance here today, she hated Josh so much that she would do anything to ruin his time with Caitlin and send him back to Seattle with his tail between his legs.

'What did she mean? You didn't want me?' Caitlin asked as soon as Shannon and her mother were out of the room.

Josh knew that he wouldn't be able to explain himself to a ten year old girl, she was too young to understand what had happened, what could he say? 'I told your mother to get rid of you?' If he said that then she'd never want to see him again and he was not going to let that happen.

'I did want you, I was just scared Caitlin. We were so young…'

'Do you love me?' The sad look on her face made Josh's whole body hurt.

'More than you know,' he gathered the courage to lean forward and plant a kiss on her forehead. Instead of letting her go, he wrapped his arms around her and held her small frame in his arms.

Nothing had ever compared to this and nothing ever would. He had his little girl safe in his arms and he never wanted to let her go.

'What the hell were you even thinking mom? Josh is her father, he has every right to see his own daughter!' Shannon had escorted her mother out of the hospital, she wanted to make sure that they were as far away from Caitlin as possible when she had it out with her. She was furious, absolutely furious about her mother's appearance.

'He gave up that right when he told you to kill her! I think she has a right to know what kind of man her father is!'

'Her father is a good man! She likes him mom, she likes him a lot and I am not about to tear them apart and I won't let YOU tear them apart either!'

'You're sleeping with him aren't you?' That's why you're being so nice about him!'

'Oh mom….'

'I should have known! That little trip to Alaska, you were probably cavorting with him as soon as you saw him! What did he do? Get you a cheap motel room for the night and buy you a Taco Bell to 'romance' you?'

'Will you just stop it! There's nothing going on between us, nothing at all!'

'YOU told me that eleven years ago when I found that used condom in your room. 'It was one of my friend's mommy, I let them use my room, I would never do something so sinful'. You were a wicked girl and now you're a wicked, horrible woman!'

Before Shannon could control herself she let the palm of her hand strike her mother's cheek. Her mother screamed as soon as she felt the contact, she'd hit her hard but not hard enough to explain the wailing and crying noises her mother was now making.

People outside the hospital all looked on as Shannon's mother stumbled away from her. Shannon knew that there was no point in trying to talk to her now, she would scream and tell her to leave her alone and all she wanted to do was get back to her daughter.

Shannon watched as her mother staggered away from her, as soon as she reached her car she went back inside and gave angry glares to the strangers gawping at her, not that she gave a flying fuck what they thought about the scene that had played out in front of them, it was up to her and her mom to sort their shit out.

By the time she reached Caitlin's room again she was still shaking with anger, when she opened the door to her room, the sight before her took all the anger away.

Caitlin was lying on her bed safely wrapped in Josh's arms, he was so enraptured by his daughter that he didn't even notice that Shannon was back in the room, he was too busy stroking his sleeping daughter's face and drinking in the features that he was seeing up close for the first time.

'Someone looks happy,' Shannon whispered as she moved into the room. She had the biggest fucking grin on her face, Josh would probably think she was fucking crazy, well she was crazy but he kind of knew that already.

'Happiest man on planet earth right now,' he smiled back at the mother of his child.

He watched as Shannon took a seat in the chair next to Caitlin's bed and couldn't seem to take his eyes off her as she leaned back and closed her eyes. She still managed to take his breath away, even after all these years. He'd tried so hard to forget her, to bury her memory but she wouldn't be buried. His old feelings had come rushing back and all of a sudden, he felt like he was seventeen all over again.

Shannon felt her eyelids beginning to open and her first instinct was to try and close them again. She was so tired, most nights she wasn't able to sleep because of everything that she had on her mind so it was a relief that she'd finally managed to close her eyes. She snapped them open pretty quickly when she remembered where she had fallen asleep though, she woke up to find Josh's brown eyes staring straight back at her and yet again she felt a blush creep onto her pale cheeks.

'How long was I out for?' She asked, hoping to break the spell that seemed to be falling over them. It had only been a day and already she was beginning to regret the promise that she'd made to Phil about staying away from his son.

'Not long, about twenty minutes or so, she's out like a light,' Josh nodded to Caitlin who was soundly asleep with a smile on her face.

She slept a lot lately, hardly a surprise considering how much energy was being sapped from her body thanks to the cancer cells eating away at her.

'I could do with something to eat and drink, do you think we can leave her for a while?' Josh asked, hoping that he could get some alone time with Shannon to talk things over, there were a lot of things that he needed to ask.

'I usually leave for a couple of hours when she's asleep, I can take you back to the hotel and pick you up again later if you like? I need to try and talk to my mom…'

'I thought you talked to her downstairs?' Josh asked, he wasn't going to go down without a fight.

'We didn't talk, I kind of might have hit her…'

Josh laughed, Shannon definitely had not changed one little bit. He remembered all too well how many times she'd used her fists to warn women off him, she was a girl that never liked other women getting too close and Josh had had to hold her back many, many times to stop her from clawing people's eyes out.

'Why don't both of us go back to the hotel, not to my room or anything like that, we could have lunch at the bar…'

'I don't think that that's a good idea Joshua…'

'Don't you think I deserve some answers after all these years Shannon? I have things I wanna ask you, for a start you need to tell me when I'm gonna have this blood test and what I'm gonna have to do if I am a match, I couldn't make sense of that paperwork you gave me, you were always the intelligent one,' Josh smiled and he could see Shannon's lips quirk into a little smile.

'Are you buying this lunch? You're staying at a pretty upmarket hotel…'

'I'll pay for it if you agree to be completely honest with me. That a deal?' He could tell by the look on her face that he'd broken her down, it never took much for him to do that.

'Agreed, let's hope you don't have a swarm of bees waiting for you when we get there,' she rolled her eyes as she imagined a crowd of blonde, busty women pushing their tits up and pouting to get his attention.

'Bees?' Josh quirked his head as he got up gently from beside his daughter.

'They suck your pollen from you, sting you, make your dick all swollen then leave nasty red blotches all over it,' she smirked before she leaned down to press a gentle kiss on her daughter's head. 'Daddy and I will be back later beautiful, have a good sleep my darling.'

Shannon walked out of the room first, giving Josh the chance to have a private moment with his daughter.

'I'm taking your mom out on that date sweetie, well sorta. Between you and me, I think I might be able to make us a family, like we should have been from the start. I'll be back later honey, I'm never leaving you, I'm here no matter what happens so fight sweetie cos I'm gonna fight so hard for you and for your mom, I promise.'

Josh whispered the words into her ear, he had no idea whether she could hear them or whether she was too lost in her dreams to hear what he was saying but he felt the need to say those words to her anyway. He meant every single one of them and he was going to do everything he could to try and make her better whilst making Shannon his again. He planted a kiss on her lips and one on her forehead before he quietly made his way out of the room and into the corridor where Shannon was waiting for him.

They walked out of the hospital in silence and spent most of the ride to the hotel talking about Caitlin and what she liked and disliked. Josh wanted to know everything about his daughter, he knew it would take time but he would get there eventually and he was going to make up for every single year that he'd been away from her.

When they reached the hotel, Shannon parked the car before they both made their way inside to the bar where Josh had spent a few hours last night. It was fairly dark inside but the décor was modern and chic, much like most of the other bars in the area.

There were not many people inside but Shannon made her way over to the corner where they would be well out of earshot, she didn't really want anyone to hear their conversation, she guessed that some of Josh's questions would get personal and she wanted some level of privacy at least.

'Want a beer? They have Stella here, your favourite,' Josh glanced up from the menu and Shannon shook her head.

'Not when I'm driving, I'll just have a sparkling water thanks, I'm trying to lose some weight…'

'Are you fucking kidding me? What weight? You're slimmer now than you were when we were seventeen!' Josh exclaimed, how could she even THINK that there was anything wrong with how she looked?

'Still lost none of that charm huh?' Shannon smirked.

'I'm not feeding you a bullshit line Shannon, I'm being fucking serious here!' She sighed heavily, she really didn't want to get into the reasons for why she was so obsessed with her weight and her body, it was all too long winded and complicated and she wasn't here to talk about herself anyway, she was here to answer his questions and talk about their little girl.

'Look, don't worry about me okay? I'm a big girl Josh, I can take care of myself. I came here to answer your questions so fire away,' she changed the subject quickly, another thing that Josh was used to, she really had not changed one fucking bit.

'Well, I wanna know more about the test thing and everything that will happen if I'm a match for Caitlin, I'll do anything, absolutely anything that I need to do, I just need to know a bit more about it I guess, for my own peace of mind you know?' Josh said, hoping that he didn't sound too terrible. His main concern was Caitlin but he had to know what to expect.

'You don't sound terrible at all Josh, it's only natural that you want to know what you might have to go through. I spoke to the Doctor looking after Caitlin this morning, I should have told you but with everything that happened….it was the last thing on my mind. Her name's Claire and she's been amazing, she can see you at one tomorrow afternoon. You'll have a blood test and they'll take a swab from your cheek, she'll quiz you about your health, take your weight, kind of like having a full physical exam you know? The results of the tests should be in in a few days, if you are a match then you'll have to have a small operation to remove some bone marrow from your hip bone. You'll be in hospital for a couple of days to recover and you might be in a bit of pain but I'll do my best to take care of you…'

'I'm not worried about me Shannon, all I want to know is, if I am a match and I can do this, will Caitlin be alright?'

'I want to say yes Josh, I want to say that this will save her life and she will be fine but even if this transplant is a success, the chances of her relapsing are high but she's a fighter Josh. She's been so brave and she's tougher than anybody I know, I'm not just saying that because she's my daughter…I, WE have to think that she'll make it through this, if I start to think that she won't then I don't think I could carry on. She's my world and I know you've just met her, but I think you felt the same as soon as she called you 'daddy',' Josh could feel his eyes beginning to water again and he could see that Shannon was fighting hard to hold herself together.

He reached his hand across the table and wrapped his fingers around hers.

'I'll do everything that I can, I mean it Shannon. No more parties, no more drinking, no more fucking around, I'll give up everything if it makes her better, everything,' Shannon smiled, she knew Josh well enough to know that he meant every word that he said and once again, her resolve began to falter.

'Everything I said at the hospital, the part about you being the mo…'

'Oh I see you've found ANOTHER little WHORE to fuck around with pretty quickly!'

Josh's eyes snapped to the side of the table where the woman from last night was standing with her chest puffed out and her arms placed firmly on her bony hips. Shannon immediately pulled her hand from his and sent a hateful glare to the woman who returned it back with as much venom as she could considering her face was frozen.

'And who the FUCK are you BITCH? This is a PRIVATE conversation, who invited your herpes ridden pussy to join us?' Shannon snapped, her resolve was now fully up again. The night before he was fucking meeting his daughter, THIS is what he had been doing? Fucking around with skanky whores when he should have been getting some rest!

'At least I don't look like a beached whale honey, did they pull you out of the sea in a net this morning?'

Before Josh could stop her, Shannon got up and launched herself with such force at the woman that the cutlery, glasses, everything fell from the table as she pulled on her hair extensions so hard that clumps began coming out in her hands.

'I'M THE WHALE HUH? FUNNY CONSIDERING YOUR NICKNAME'S FREE FUCKING WILLY, COS GUYS DON'T HAVE TO EVEN BUY YOU A DRINK BEFORE YOU SUCK THEIR DICKS FOR FREE!'

'SHANNON!' Josh managed to grab Shannon and pull her off the woman who quickly got up off the floor and ran away, there was no way that she could beat Shannon when she was in a rage like this.

Josh kept a firm hold on Shannon as she flailed in his arms, after a few minutes she began to calm down and as soon as she had, he let her go. She immediately picked up her bag and put it over her shoulder, she didn't even look at Josh as she spoke.

'Find your own way to the hospital this afternoon, enjoy your lunch Joshua.'

She wanted to get as far away from his as possible. She'd been falling under his spell again but now she had been dragged back out of it. He didn't want her, he didn't love her, he probably never had, he was just a fucking great bullshitter. She was more angry with herself for letting herself start to fall for him all over again and she should have known better, she wasn't a dumb teenager anymore!

Josh sat on the floor of the bar and watched as Shannon stormed off. He knew that there was no point in following her, what could he say? He'd been a complete ass last night and he'd been caught out, he should have stayed in his room and now everything was fucking ruined. He'd been so close, SO fucking close to telling her just how he'd felt over these past ten years. He wanted to explain why he'd acted like he had, why he'd done what he'd done but now she would never believe what he had to say and all because he couldn't keep his fucking dick in his pants last night.

After a few minutes he realised that every fucker in the bar was staring open mouthed at him, he'd been so busy thinking about Shannon that he hadn't even noticed. When he came back to reality, he quickly got up and headed back to his room where he could lock himself away for a few hours.

He had fucked up big time, big time.


	9. Chapter 9

**Thanks as always for the reviews! I am so sorry but I am still unable to reply personally to your reviews, but I really do appreciate and read every single one of them! :) For this update, I've gone for a flashback into Shannon and Josh's relationship as teenagers, I thought it would be interesting for you to read my idea of what they were like together and some of the things they got up to. Let me know if you think this is boring or not right for the story and I won't do the flashbacks at all.**

*********WARNING*********** **This chapter DOES contain some pretty intense smut, mentions of penis, vagina, sperm that sort of thing so please avoid if you dislike any of these things! And of course, please leave a review if you like me, are in love with some penis/vagina action! Thanks! :)**

Chapter Nine

**Flashback – Valentine's Day 2001**

Shannon's tears wouldn't stop falling, she was tired but no matter how hard she tried to sleep it wasn't happening. Her day had been ruined thanks to her mother. Today was Valentine's Day and her one year anniversary of being with Joshua but instead of going out for a romantic meal and celebrating, her mother had locked her inside her room.

She'd never liked Josh, she hated him with a passion in fact. Her mother wanted her to be with someone more academic, someone with 'better prospects'. But Shannon didn't want anyone else but him, if only her mother could see what she saw in Josh. Okay, he wasn't top of his class and he got into trouble from time to time but with Shannon, he was different.

He was soft, gentle and he had never pushed her into having sex or even doing anything remotely sexual at all. Most sixteen year old guys would be trying to take her panties off at every opportunity but not Josh, they'd been together for a year and they hadn't done anything other than kiss.

She wanted to go further but she was scared, she was a virgin and she hadn't even explored herself, how the hell was she meant to know what she was doing with a guy if she didn't even know her own body? She had tried to explain her feelings to Josh in the past but she always got tongue tied, her mother had brought her up to be terrified of pre-marital sex, it was dirty, nasty and she would be struck down by God if she did anything so evil. Of course, Shannon didn't listen to her, she'd stopped listening a long time ago.

Shannon kept thinking about Josh as she stared at the ceiling, her mother's snores echoed down the hallway and into her room, she was about to reach for her ear plugs when a knock at her window made her sit bolt upright in bed.

She threw off her covers and crept over to the window to open the curtains. A smile immediately appeared on her face when she saw Joshua staring back at her. She opened her window as quietly as possible, the last thing that she needed was for her mother to appear right now, when the window was open wide enough, she grabbed Josh's hands and pulled him into her room, she then turned and shut the window before she helped Josh up from the floor and pulled him into her arms.

'How did you get up here without killing yourself?' She whispered into his ear.

'I've climbed up drainpipes before, don't ask why,' Josh smiled before brushing his thick lips against hers. 'Happy Anniversary baby.'

'Happy Anniversary,' Shannon beamed back at him before she pulled him into a deep kiss.

Their tongues swiped together and Shannon felt the desire running through every inch of her body. She ran her hands down his back and let them rest on his ass cheeks and she immediately felt a hardness against her stomach, Josh must have felt it too as he pulled away from her quickly, flushed with embarrassment.

'Sorry, I can usually er, control the um, you know,' Josh shifted uncomfortably before Shannon held her hands out to him.

'Don't be embarrassed, I don't mind, I like knowing that I can do that,' she smiled as Josh put his hands in hers and she began to pull them back towards her bed.

She could feel herself shaking a little as she lay down on her bed and gently pulled Josh down to lay beside her. She wanted to please him but in all honesty, she had no clue what she was meant to do or how she was meant to do it. She didn't have friends that she could talk to about sex and how to please a man, all her friends were like her, virgins.

'I didn't come here for this Shannon, I came here just to see you, to be with you,' Josh whispered as he took one of his hands and began to stroke her face with his long fingers.

'I know but I want to Josh, I mean, I don't wanna go ALL the way but I want to do something, I just don't know what I'm meant to do,' Shannon could feel her cheeks burning, Josh probably thought that she sounded so fucking stupid. He could be dating someone who put out every single night but instead he was stuck with her, a girl who blushed when she tried to talk about anything sexual.

'How about I do something for you, if you want me to that is?' Josh's eyes burned into hers and she felt a twinge between her legs.

'Okay,' she whispered before Josh pressed his lips to hers again.

He didn't kiss her for long, just long enough to leave her breathless as his warm mouth kissed a trail from her lips down to her neck. She gasped a little as one of his hands began to trace circles against her stomach through the thin, cotton nightie that she was wearing.

Josh eventually pulled his mouth away from her neck and pushed himself up on one elbow to stare down at her as his other hand continued to touch her stomach.

'Can I take this off?' His eyes never left hers as he asked her permission before he removed her nightie, his heart skipped a beat when she nodded her approval and sat up slightly so he could pull it over her head.

When she lay back down on the bed, Josh had to swallow a deep groan. She was stunning, absolutely stunning. He'd seen quite a few naked women, some in 'real' life and some in Playboy and other adult publications but no one looked as good as her, no one ever would.

'Is there something wrong, I know I'm not the smallest..'

'Ssshhh,' Josh leaned down and pressed his lips against her naval, taking her breathe away. 'You're perfect Shannon.'

Shannon sighed happily as Josh flicked his tongue over her naval. Instinctively she ran her hands down to his thick jet black hair and stroked through it as he began to place kisses up her stomach. Her breath quickened as with each kiss he got closer and closer to the two pert globes that stood out proudly on her body.

She was silently begging him to reach them, to let his mouth wander over them and explore the areas of her body that she had never allowed herself to touch before for pleasure.

When his mouth reached the underside of her breasts he looked up at her to check that she was okay. He didn't want to do anything more unless she was comfortable, he might be young and dumb but he knew that he loved her and he never wanted to hurt her or rush her into anything.

'Please Joshua, please….' The words fell from her lips before she could stop them, she was begging him, she needed him so much, her yearning for him was driving her crazy and she wanted him to touch her, to make her feel what an orgasm was like.

Josh could feel his length beginning to throb inside his tight pants as he saw the lust in her eyes, he wanted to make this so good for her, he just hoped that he could do a good job and give her what she deserved.

He lifted his head up from her chest and slowly ran the tips of his fingers up and down the sensitive skin in-between her breasts, Shannon arched her back up off the bed as her body shuddered under his touch.

Josh watched intently as Shannon kept her eyes firmly locked on his, his mouth was aching to suck one of her erect nipples and he couldn't wait any longer. He leaned back down and gently wrapped his mouth around the hard flesh, relishing the feeling of her writhing about beneath him in ecstasy.

'Oh God, oh God…'

Whilst his mouth focused attention on one nipple, he let his fingers go to work on the other one, gently tweaking and tickling it as Shannon tried to keep herself from crying out. After a few minutes, he switched nipples and lavished just as much attention on the other one with his mouth.

She was breathing so hard that she was sure her mom would be able to hear her but she couldn't control herself, she didn't even care anymore if her mom did catch them because there was no way that she was going to let him stop. When he suddenly took his mouth away from her nipple, she looked down at him and shot him a disapproving look to which he smiled.

'I wanted to go a little further, if that's okay with you?'

Josh sat up slightly and ran a hand down to her stomach, resting it there for a second before he ran it over her panties. Shannon gasped and he immediately regretted what he'd just done.

'I'm sorry baby, I won't….'

'No, I want you to Josh,' Shannon interrupted him, she didn't want to say that she was absolutely fucking desperate for him to touch her aching mound.

'That mean I can take those off?' Josh tugged lightly at her panties which made Shannon lift her hips up off the bed, giving him her answer without saying anything at all.

He pulled the panties down her legs and threw them somewhere in the room. Gently, he pulled her long legs apart to reveal her glistening pussy and he had to restrain himself from leaning down and just licking it there and then.

'Show me what you like baby, I wanna know how to touch you,' Shannon froze, she wasn't expecting him to ask something like this, how fucking pathetic was she going to sound telling him that she'd never even fucking masturbated before?

'I, I don't know, I haven't ever…' Josh felt like such a fucking idiot for asking her and making her feel so uncomfortable, that hadn't been his intention at all, he just wanted to get things right, to make her happy and now he had fucked things up.

'Don't be embarrassed baby, it's okay,' he smiled up at her as he tried to make things better, 'I'll go slow and you can tell me what feels good hmm?'

Shannon smiled back at him, how had she managed to find someone so understanding and caring? Most guys would have laughed at her and told her how stupid she was but not Josh. She kept looking at him and braced herself as his hand began to come closer to her pussy which was tingling so much she thought that it would explode.

As soon as his fingers made contact with her soft, wet flesh she thrust against his fingers involuntarily and let out a gentle cry of his name. Josh pressed a finger to his lips, warning her that she needed to remain quiet, as much as he wanted to hear her scream there was no way that she could do that with her mother sleeping just a few feet away.

Josh looked down at her pussy and gently pressed the tip of a finger against her clit which stuck out from her pink folds like a small chick-pea.

Shannon's eyes rolled back in her head as Josh started to rub her aching pussy, she could feel herself sinking deeper and deeper into her mattress as he started to cause feelings which she could only describe as earth shattering. With Josh rubbing her, she gained some courage and let her hands wander down to her breasts where she found her nipples and began to gently circle them with her fingers.

'That's right baby, rub them just like that, just like I'm rubbing your little clit,' Josh lost himself in the moment and murmured the words to her before he'd even thought about it but rather than bother her, his words seemed to turn her on even more.

She was dripping wet, so wet that his fingers easily slid across her pussy and he could only imagine how good it would feel to be buried deep inside her but that wasn't gonna happen tonight, he wanted her first time to be somewhere special, somewhere where they could make as much noise as they wanted.

'Joshua, Joshua….I think…I think I might be coming…'

Shannon stuttered as her body felt like it was collapsing around her. It hit her at two hundred million miles per hour, a huge tidal wave of pleasure that sent her reeling into the abyss and she was totally lost. She thrashed wildly on the bed as Josh held onto her, making sure that she didn't bump her head or even fall off the fucking bed as she gasped for air.

Then, everything just went black. The next thing she remembered was opening her eyes and seeing Josh staring right back at her with a concerned look on his face.

'I think I lost you for a second, you okay?'

For a moment, Josh thought he had killed her. He'd watched as her eyes rolled back into her head and suddenly her thrashing stopped, she'd passed out on him but at first he thought she'd had a heart attack or something.

Now that she was awake again, Josh moved back up the bed and lay alongside her, pulling her naked body close to his and stroking her sweat soaked face as she continued to recover from her first ever orgasm.

Shannon was more than a little fucking embarrassed, she'd passed out on him! God what the fuck was she going to do when they actually had sex? Have a heart attack or puke all over him? When she finally managed to get her breathe and energy back, she spoke.

'I'm sorry, I should have controlled myself…'

'Shannon, don't say sorry! That was amazing, I'm glad that I was the first person to do that for you, I feel pretty fucking awesome right now!' Josh smirked, his male ego was definitely feeling pretty huge right now.

'Well, I wanna make you feel good too…' Shannon bit her lip, she wanted to return the favour so badly but she needed his guidance, she needed him to show her what to do.

'You don't have to..'

'Will you stop saying that? I WANT to Joshua, I wouldn't be asking if I didn't want to do this but, I DO need you to show me…'

Josh could see how ashamed she was and he hated it, she had nothing to be ashamed about in his eyes. He leaned into her and started to kiss her again, taking one of her hands in his in the process.

He kept kissing her as he took her hand and ran it over his still clothed body, right until the hand reached the bulge in his jeans.

Shannon moaned into his mouth when he placed her hand on his penis, he felt…huge! Not that she really knew much about penises but yeah, she was sure he was big, she thought so anyway which was all that mattered.

Josh pulled back from the kiss and continued to stare at Shannon as he pulled his shirt off to reveal his slim chest. Shannon couldn't resist running a hand over his olive flesh, he really was fucking gorgeous and she was sure that he was some sort of a sex God after what he'd just done to her. At least she could say to her mom that she believed in God now, she didn't HAVE to know that her version of God was a man that had rubbed her clit…

As soon as he felt her hands made contact with his bare skin, Josh let out a low growl, as nice as it was, he needed to feel her hands somewhere else or he was going to explode. He unzipped himself carefully so as not to catch himself, he was so fucking hard that it was a struggle to get out of the tight jeans he'd stupidly decided to wear but somehow he managed to do it.

Shannon kept touching his chest and watched as he pulled both his jeans and pants down in one go. As soon as his erect penis was fully revealed, her jaw nearly hit the floor. How the fuck was her vagina gonna be able to take THAT? She felt her muscles clamp together as she imagined the tremendous pain that she would feel when they did eventually have sex for the first time. She was going to do it, of course she was, but wow, she might need to get stitches afterwards.

Josh smiled at her reaction, he knew that he was pretty well blessed, he was by far the largest guy in the locker room after all and he could also see that poor Shannon was very intimidated but he was going to do everything that he could to make her first time as painless as possible for her. If he had to spend a day touching her, kissing her, licking her to make her ready for him, then he would do it, he would do anything for her, anything at all. But right now, he needed to feel her hands around his cock.

Once again, Josh took one of Shannon's hands in his and slowly brought it down to his erect length, he kept looking in her eyes to make sure that she was okay and the same dark lust that he'd seen there all night was glowing brighter than ever as he slowly wrapped her hand around his shaft.

He placed his hand over hers and slowly began to guide her hand up and down his thick shaft, groaning as she leaned in to place kisses on his neck.

'Just like that baby, hold it a little tighter…there ya go, yeah…'

He moaned out instructions as slowly, he began to loosen his grip on her hand until she was making the movements on her own. She was a fast learner, a very fast learner indeed and as much as he wanted the moment to go on and on forever, he knew that he would be exploding all too soon.

Shannon sat up and watched intently as she stroked her boyfriend's big dick for the first time, she was actually doing this herself and he was loving it, he was groaning, moaning, for her!

As she gained confidence, she began to tighten her grip and move a little faster, pumping him as she watched the tip of his penis ooze with a clear substance which she guessed was pre-cum. He was oozing buckets of the stuff actually so she was confident that this meant that she was doing alright.

Josh's moans started to get deeper and Shannon felt his penis beginning to twitch in her hand as she moved impossibly fast up and down his shaft.

'Shannon…gonna…mmm'

She watched in amazement as he began to spurt out thick, white semen all over his stomach, it all seemed to pool in the same place near his naval and she noticed some beginning to run down the side of his body, if it stained her bed she was in deep shit so without thinking, she leaned over him and began to lick up all the cum that he had shot out.

'Jesus Shannon!'

Her doing this caused him to shoot out even more spunk, he'd had handjobs in the past and he'd cum in the past but no girl had ever, ever swallowed his cum without spitting it out in disgust and here she was, actually enjoying it?

By the time Shannon had finished cleaning him up, she looked up at him to see him staring at her in amazement and she began to panic, maybe she had grossed him out?

'Did I do something wrong?'

'You….you swallowed and, that didn't bother you?'

Shannon shook her head, sure he tasted pretty strong and bitter but she didn't dislike the taste. She wouldn't have it on toast or anything but it was okay.

'I really have met the girl of my fucking dreams, thank you God, she swallows!'

Shannon flicked Josh's ear but laughed as she fell alongside him in bed and curled into him.

'I love you Joshua.' She whispered to him once they'd stopped laughing.

'I love you too Shannon.'


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks for the lovely reviews, the flashbacks shall continue but this update is back to normal again. Please leave a review :)**

Chapter Ten

'She's got you wrapped around her little finger already,' Phil chuckled as they walked back into his hotel suite.

They'd just spent the past few hours at the hospital with Caitlin and it was safe to say that Phil absolutely adored his granddaughter and the feeling was mutual. It amazed Josh that his daughter was so open and accepting, he'd expected her to be cautious and shy but she anything but, she seemed to really love the fact that she had now gained a grandfather and a father.

She talked a lot about her mother and it was clear that her mother was her hero and her best friend, even though Josh knew that his little girl liked him, she would always be a mommy's girl. It had upset Caitlin that her mother had not been there to see her this afternoon, after the altercation in the bar, Shannon had left right away and about twenty minutes later she had text him to let him know that she wouldn't be at the hospital in the afternoon. She was going to go tonight, on her own.

She made it pretty clear that she didn't want to see Josh again today, not that he could blame her really. He'd acted like a complete fucking asshole last night and now he was paying the price.

'You've had a face like a fucking slapped ass all afternoon, you've just been to see your daughter, you should be fucking happy not worried about Shannon. I can't believe she didn't have the decency to turn up to see her own kid this afternoon, some fucking mother…'

'Dad! She's a fucking great mother! Didn't you hear how Caitlin talked about her? It's my fault that she didn't show this afternoon okay? Don't blame this shit on her….'

'Oh of course, Shannon is just fucking PERFECT in your eyes isn't she? Jesus Christ Josh it's been ten fucking years and she's still got you wpussy whipped,' his father snapped as he shut the door to his hotel suite behind him. 'She left you! She ran off and didn't tell you that you had a child together, how can you stand there and even think of fucking defending her Josh?'

'You just don't get it do you? I love her, I never fucking stopped loving her, I never stopped looking for her dad, I never stopped hoping that one day she would come back into my life and she has and she's given me a beautiful daughter. A daughter that I wanted her to get rid of without a second fucking thought. If she'd listened to me, if she'd done what I wanted her to do Caitlin wouldn't even BE here, YOU wouldn't HAVE a granddaughter! Do you think that it was fucking easy for her to tell her fucking psycho, bitch of a mother that she was pregnant? That it's been easy for her these past ten years living with that woman putting her down and probably fucking telling her what a shit person she is? You think that she's just this bitch that broke my heart but she's not dad, I broke hers as much as she broke mine and this afternoon, I thought we were getting somewhere, I thought that I was in with a chance of getting her back again until the dumb bitch I nearly hooked up with last night turns up and spoiled everything. That's why she didn't come to the hospital this afternoon, she found out what I was doing last night and she's angry with me, RIGHTFULLY angry with me!'

Josh stared down his father who still looked pretty pissed. He'd never even begin to understand just how much he loved Shannon, how much they'd shared with each other in the past. He had been her first lover, the first person to ever touch her intimately, she had been the first person to truly show that she cared for him, that she loved him.

His father had spent so much time away from home, his mother had been busy working and seeing other men and his step-mother, she never really liked him all that much but none of that had mattered, not when he had Shannon. He'd poured his heart and soul out to her, to this day she knew things about him that he'd never shared with anyone else. She knew him better than anyone, even better than his own father.

'She's no good for you Joshua, I mean that. She ran out on you once, who's to say she won't do it again? You can't trust her but you're so blinded by what you call 'love' that you won't fucking listen. So if you're not gonna keep an eye on her, I will!'

Josh stayed seated on his bed and didn't react as his father stormed out of the suite, he knew that nothing that he said could change his father's mind about Shannon. He hated her but he would have to get used to the fact that she was back in their lives and she was not going anywhere, nowhere at all.

'Mommy!'

Shannon beamed as her daughter held her arms out to her, she had missed her so much this afternoon but there was no way that she could come here with Josh around. She was still angry at him over what happened at the hotel and that anger would have been all too evident had she turned up here to see her daughter earlier.

She sat on the edge of Caitlin's bed and pulled her daughter into a hug. No one other than her daughter had the ability to make her feel better in an instant.

'Why didn't you come see me this afternoon? I missed you, so did daddy,' Caitlin smiled as they pulled away from each other. Shannon took one of her daughter's hands in hers and held onto it tightly as she smiled back at her.

'I'm sorry honey, I was busy doing something with grandma but I'm here now. Did you enjoy the afternoon with your daddy and grandpa?' Shannon asked and Caitlin nodded happily.

'Grandpa said when I'm better I can go riding with him on his Harley! And daddy said that for my birthday this year, he'd take me to Disneyland! You can come too mommy, he said you could!' Caitlin said excitedly and Shannon couldn't help but feel happy for her daughter, she'd been saving for years to take her to Disneyland using her own money but with all the hospital bills, her savings were now all but gone. She felt ashamed that she couldn't offer her daughter as much as Josh could but happy nevertheless, anything that made Caitlin happy made her happy. 'How did your date with daddy go mommy? Did you kiss?'

'Caitlin! No, we didn't kiss and it was not a date, daddy and I aren't getting back together sweetie, we're just friends, that's all,' Caitlin looked very disappointed at the news but Shannon wasn't going to give her daughter false hope, she needed to understand that she and Josh weren't going to get back together and end up married, living out the perfect family fairytale that she knew her daughter wanted.

'But he's nice mommy and you're nice too and you're my parents, you should be together. All the boys and girls in my class have parents that are together, I just wanna be like them,' she said and Shannon's heart broke a little.

'Sometimes things don't always work out sweetie, mommy's and daddy's don't always stay together, it doesn't mean that we love you any less because we do, we really do darling. We just, we just don't love each other like we used to…'

'But daddy loves you! He said you were beautiful! He wouldn't say that if he didn't love you!' Caitlin argued.

'Baby, the first thing that I wanna do is make sure that you get better okay? As for your dad and I, that's between the two of us okay? But I promise you, both of us are gonna do our very best for you, even if we're not together,' Shannon smiled, she could tell that her daughter wasn't all that happy with what she had to say but she didn't press her any further, she was sensible enough to know where to draw the line.

Instead, they talked more about the afternoon and how Phil and Josh had told her all about the boat and how she could see it for herself one day. She was excited at the prospect of going to Seattle to visit them both and her Uncle Jakey who she'd been told all about, apparently he was coming to see her in a few weeks and he would be bringing her more candy.

Her daughter's spirits had definitely been lifted a great deal by their arrival and despite what her mother thought about him and despite how angry Shannon had been earlier, she was more than grateful to both Josh and his dad for turning up.

The more she thought about what happened at the bar earlier, the more she realised that really, she shouldn't have gone off like she had. She had no regrets for punching that slut, she deserved it for the comments she made but really, who and what Josh did was none of her business anymore. She knew that he slept around and his dick was his own, as long as he turned up and spent time with his daughter, she couldn't really go off on him for fucking around or having a drink, his life was his own and she had no say in what he did.

She spent a few hours with Caitlin, talking to her for a while before she tucked her in and read her a bedtime story which sent her off to sleep with ease like it usually did. She held her for a while before she left the hospital. As she was driving along the freeway, instead of taking her usual exit and going back home, she decided to go back to Josh's hotel.

Tomorrow he was going back to the hospital for his tests and she thought that it was a good idea for them to have a talk and settle things before he went, she just hoped that he was there and if he was, that he was sober.

She put her foot down and drove as fast as she could to the hotel, the longer she took to get there the more time she had to change her mind and she knew that she needed to try and patch things up between them, for Caitlin's sake.

She arrived at the hotel ten minutes later. By the time she got there, the hotel was pretty busy. As she walked past the bar, the blaring sound of music hit her and she sneaked a look inside to see if Josh was there but there was no sign of him. Phil however was sat at the bar enjoying a drink with a busty blonde, like father like son she thought to herself before she quickly made her way out of the bar, if Phil saw her he was likely to argue with her and she did not need another fight today.

Instead, she quickly made her way to the elevator and took it up to the third floor where Josh's room was situated. She got stuck in the elevator with a canoodling couple who couldn't keep their hands to themselves despite her presence, their whispered 'I love you's' made her feel physically ill but then she remembered that she too had been just like them at one stage in her life.

She and Josh had never been shy when it came to showing their affection for one another, at parties they were always kissing, touching, grinding against one another without a care in the world, she couldn't help but smile at the thought of some of the things that they had got up to. She would always remember those days, they were probably the best days of her life and despite everything, she would never want to change those days with Joshua, she had loved him, she still DID love him but it was too late, far too late for them.

When the elevator reached the third floor, she left the couple alone, probably giving them a chance to enjoy some sex in an elevator, she'd been there and done that and it wasn't all that great, especially when the doors unexpectedly opened and an old couple caught sight of her with her pants around her ankles and Josh's face buried in her crotch…ah the golden days!

She walked to Josh's room with a stupid grin on her face as she remembered their elevator encounter, when she got to his door she tried to wipe the look off her face when she knocked and waited for him to answer. When his door finally opened after a few minutes, the stupid smirk was almost put back on her face again when he answered the door shirtless, dripping wet and wearing nothing but a white towel around his waist.

'I, um, er…' Shannon stuttered like a fucking shy teenager as she averted her eyes away from Josh's wet chest.

'Sorry, I wasn't expecting you, come in, it won't take a sec to put some clothes on,' Josh opened the door wide enough for her to walk into his suite.

Her legs carried her over to the small couch in his room and she sat with her back to him, she daren't look at him again until he had some clothes on.

Josh was surprised, really surprised that Shannon had come here tonight. She had been so pissed at him earlier that he hadn't expected to see her for at least a few days but he was delighted that she was back and now that they were in his suite, they could talk without having anyone interrupting them and causing a scene like earlier.

He threw some clothes on as quickly as he could, he didn't want her to up and leave without having the chance to talk to her. He put on a white t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants and made his way over to Shannon who was looking more than a little flushed and flustered.

'You want something to drink?' Josh opened up the minibar in his room and pulled out a beer for himself before offering one to Shannon who shook her head.

'I can't, I'm driving, I'll take a coke if you've got one though?' She asked, she had finally gained the ability to talk without sounding like a complete prick.

Josh pulled a coke out of the little fridge in his suite and walked over to join Shannon on the couch before he handed her the can.

'Thanks,' she smiled, shivering slightly as his long fingers brushed against hers as he handed her the drink, she could remember all too well just what those long fingers were capable of…

'I'm sorry about what happened earlier in the bar, I was fucking stupid to go out last night. I was just so fucking worried about today and, like always, when I'm worried about something, I drink. I'm gonna stop Shannon, I promise. I want to be a good father, I want to be there for Caitlin and for you,' Shannon could hear the sincerity in his voice and she really did believe that he was going to do his best to be a good role model for Caitlin. He might be a fuck up at times but his heart was always in the right place, it always had been.

'Look Josh, I know that you love Caitlin, I know that you're going to do your best for her, I had no right to lose it like I did. Who you sleep with, how much you drink, that's up to you. As long as you're there for her when she needs you, I don't care. You have your own life now and I have to remember that, just like you have to remember that I have mine,' Shannon wanted to laugh, apart from looking after Caitlin, she really didn't have much of a life.

'Is that your way of telling me that you're seeing someone else?' Josh felt the bile rising in his throat, Caitlin hadn't talked about her mother having a boyfriend but then Shannon could be keeping it a secret.

'No Joshua, I'm not seeing anyone, not that it would be any of your business even I was. Just like it's none of my business how many women you sleep with every week. You're here to try and help your daughter, to get to know your daughter, you're not here for me or to try and get back with me because you and I both know that won't happen. We're different people now Josh, we're not sixteen year old horny teenagers anymore,' Shannon had to look away from him, if she continued to stare into those dark brown eyes she knew that there was a chance that she would just give into him and drag him to bed without thinking about it.

'Is that what I was to you back then? Just someone you used to get your kicks from?' Josh felt anger bubbling inside him after hearing her words, he certainly hadn't been with her just for the sex.

'No Josh you know how I felt about you back then, you know that I was in love with, at least you should know that, I told you enough times. It's just that things change, feelings change. A part of me will always love you because you gave me Caitlin and she's my entire world…'

'But you don't love me?' Josh could feel his heart beginning to break again and now he wished he had listened to his father.

'Joshua, we can never go back to what we once were, too much time has passed and too many things have happened since then. We both need to concentrate on Caitlin and forget about our past to concentrate on the future, Caitlin's future,' Shannon hated pretending, she hated the fact that she still loved him just like she always had and always would. But she didn't deserve him, not after what she'd done, not after she'd broken his heart so badly.

'I um, I promised I'd meet my dad downstairs for a drink, I'd better get down there before he kicks my ass,' Josh announced, he couldn't hold himself together much longer and he wasn't going to show her just how upset he was.

'Okay, I'll pick you up tomorrow at nine so we can head to the hospital, your dad can come too if he wants,' Shannon was relieved that she could leave, if she stayed she wasn't sure that she could keep up with her lies.

'Cool, I'll see you tomorrow,' Josh stood up and walked over to the door, pulling it open and ushering her out of the room as quickly as he could.

As soon as she'd gone and he closed the door behind him he fell to the floor. Every part of his body ached, just like it had when he'd discovered that she'd left town. He'd always hoped that they would find each other again, that they would go back to how they once were, that they would do the things they'd set out to do when they were teenagers, that he'd marry her and make a home.

She'd just made it pretty clear to him that those things weren't going to happen, she didn't want him, she didn't love him like he loved her and it killed him inside, completely killed him.

Shannon walked down the long corridor to the elevator with tears building up in her eyes. She was walking away from the man that she loved, the man that she'd dreamed of marrying and spending the rest of her life with. There was never going to be anyone else because he was the only person that she'd ever wanted, that she'd ever needed but she was poison and she would only ruin his life if they got together again. She was doing him a favour and someday he would be grateful.


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanks for the reviews guys! Chapter is a little shorter than normal, next update will be a flashback again so I hope that's okay! Aa always, please leave a review because they keep me going! Thanks :)**

Chapter Eleven

'Are you feeling okay? You look a little pale…' Shannon teased Josh a little as they walked out of the doctor's office where Josh had spent the past hour having his blood test, a cheek swab taken and a full physical to check on his fitness levels.

He was in good shape, then again anyone could tell that he was just by looking at him. The blood test and the swab result would be back within forty eight hours, the Doctor was rushing the results through, the sooner they came back the better. If Josh was a match, the bone marrow transplant could be done straightaway and the sooner it was done, the better the chances were for Caitlin.

'I face the worst conditions out on the Bering Sea Shannon, I think I can handle a fucking blood test,' Josh snapped, he couldn't believe that she was acting so fucking normal, not after what she had said to him last night.

He was still torn up after hearing her words but to her, everything was fine and he was fucking angry about it, he didn't give a shit about playing along with her everything was fucking perfect game either, she could go fuck herself.

Shannon didn't react to Josh's snipe, she didn't have the stomach for a fight today, least of all a fight with him. When she'd got back home from the hotel last night, her mother had been waiting for her.

She unleashed her fury full force, telling Shannon what an awful person she was, how she was a failure as a mother, as a daughter, as a person…it had made Shannon even more upset than she already had been after her talk with Josh. She'd almost, almost, gone back to the hotel to tell Josh how she truly felt about him, to pull him into her arms and never let go again but she hadn't. Her life was one big fuck up after another and she didn't want Josh dragged into her mess, into her problems, he deserved more than she could ever give him.

Today, she was feeling pretty fucking terrible, not that she'd ever show it. She was used to pretending that things were okay, she'd perfected the art of lying down to a tee, even though her insides were a warzone, on the outside she was a vision of palm trees and sandy fucking beaches.

'I'm going outside for a smoke,' Josh huffed, he needed to have some time alone before going to see his daughter.

'Okay, I'll see you in Caitlin's room,' Shannon smiled but Josh just shot her a filthy look before walking off in the opposite direction.

She shook her head and watched in silence as he walked away, she hoped that he would at least be civil to her in front of Caitlin. It took Shannon a few minutes to reach Caitlin's room, when she got there she found her chatting away to Phil who was listening intently to what his granddaughter had to say.

'Could I go out fishing with you when I'm better? I bet I'd be really good at it!' Caitlin smiled.

'Well, we'd have to ask your mom and dad about that….'

'Mommy can I go fishing with granddad?' Caitlin didn't miss a beat as she caught sight of her mother in the doorway.

Shannon walked into the room and took a seat next to her bed, noting the dirty look that Phil gave her but letting it slide.

'If you like, you can be whoever and whatever you want to be,' Shannon smiled.

She wasn't one of those pushy mothers who insisted that her daughter should go to college, get a degree, get a good job then marry well and have lots of babies, she would let Caitlin choose her own path and if that was fishing, she would be more than happy to support her.

'I think I'd fish part time, I wanna be a nurse full time or a doctor, I wanna make people better, just like they're making me better,' she smiled and Shannon took her daughters hand in hers after planting a kiss on it.

'You'd be a fantastic doctor, you could look after me when I get old and wrinkly,' she laughed.

'Daddy will be around to look after you won't he?' Shannon stared at her daughter, deep down she wanted nothing more than to tell her that her mommy and daddy would be together forever, that they would be a family but she wasn't going to lie to her.

'I'm gonna go outside for a smoke,' Phil announced as he quickly got up from his seat and disappeared out of the room. He was probably leaving before he said something out of turn, Shannon knew that he hated her and she understood why. If someone ever hurt Caitlin the way she had hurt Josh then she would never forgive them, just like Phil was never going to forgive her.

'Caitlin honey, I know you love your daddy but you need to stop this. We're not a couple honey and we're not going to be but we both love you,' Shannon tried to be as nice as she could and explain things as best as she could.

She could see how unhappy her daughter was and it made her feel pretty fucking shit but what else was she meant to say?

Josh sat on a bench outside the hospital, lighting up his second cigarette as he thought about his future. He'd lived in Seattle since he was a child and he'd never really thought about leaving but now, with his daughter here in California, it seemed logical to move here so he could be closer to her.

Things were moving pretty fast in his life right now and his mind was working overtime as it tried to take everything in. Just a couple of days ago he didn't even know that he had a daughter, he thought that Shannon had disappeared forever, he'd almost given up any hope of finding her but now here he was, sitting outside a hospital with his daughter and his long lost love sitting upstairs waiting for him to make an appearance.

His friends back home probably wouldn't understand why he had to move, he'd only known Caitlin for a couple of days, he'd been with her for only a few hours but already his heart was filled with love for his beautiful daughter. Sure, he could commute from Seattle every weekend to see her but he wanted to be close to her every single day, he never wanted to be far away from her ever again. He needed to be here.

'You should be upstairs with your daughter, not sitting on your ass down here feelin sorry for yourself,' his father's voice made him jump as he took a seat down beside him.

'I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I just needed a smoke after the test's that's all,' Josh sighed, his father had been on his back ever since Shannon had reappeared and he was getting tired of it.

'Bullshit. I saw Shannon at the hotel last night and unless she was there to meet some mystery man, I'm guessin that she came to see you,' Phil grunted back, he was rapidly losing patience with his son. He had girls chasing after him from Hawaii to Alaska, he could have anyone that he wanted but instead he was intent on settling for the woman that had broken his heart and it made him really fucking mad.

'Dad this is none of your fucking business! I'm not ten years old anymore, you don't run my fucking life!'

'I am not standing by and watching you get fucked up all over again! You may be twenty seven years old but I'm still your father and I'm still gonna try and fucking protect you, just like you'll always wanna protect Caitlin!'

'Well I'm not gonna fuck up all over again so you can stop worrying okay? Shannon and I are done, we're friends, that's all. I have to move on, she's made her feelings pretty fucking clear,' Josh got up from his seat and began walking back into the hospital before his dad could say anything else.

He wasn't ever going to say that his dad was right but he was. He and Shannon were over and there was no going back. He had to be friends with her for Caitlin's sake but somehow, he had to try and get over her and that was going to be pretty fucking hard.

'Caitlin honey, you look a little pale, are you feeling okay?' Caitlin had gone quiet ever since Shannon had talked to her about Josh, at first she'd assumed it was because she was pissed off at her but now she could see that her daughter really wasn't feeling well.

'I feel sick,' Caitlin groaned and Shannon reached on top of the cupboard next to her bed for a kidney bowl knowing that her daughter was likely to vomit at any moment.

The chemotherapy that she was undertaking was taking it's toll on her young body. She'd lost all her hair, she'd lost a considerable amount of weight and despite her usual cheery disposition, she was getting weaker every day.

As Shannon placed the bowl under her daughter's chin, the first wave of sickness hit her and Caitlin poured out her stomach contents into the bowl as Shannon leaned over and began to rub her lower back in an attempt to comfort her.

'Okay baby, it'll be okay,' Shannon whispered, she felt so fucking useless at times like this because she couldn't fucking DO anything at all. She wished that somehow she could transfer the cancer into her body and take it all away, she was an adult, she'd at least had a life but Caitlin…she still had so much to do, so much to achieve, why did this have to happen to her?

'I hate this mommy, I hate it,' tears rolled down her daughter's cheeks as she began to sob and Shannon left her seat to lie down next to her on the bed.

'I know baby, I know. You're such a brave girl do you know that? The bravest in the whole world,' Shannon fought to keep her tears back, crying wouldn't do anything to help Caitlin, she had to be strong for her.

'I'm scared mommy, I'm really scared,' Shannon could feel the water beginning to pool in her eyes as she took the bowl out of her daughter's hands and placed it back on top of the cupboard before she wrapped her arms tightly around her.

'It'll be okay baby, it'll be okay,' Shannon repeated, she didn't know who she was trying to convince more, herself or her daughter.

'We're both here for you Caitlin, don't be scared baby,' Josh's voice made Shannon look up. As soon as she caught sight of his brown eyes she could see that he was also fighting back tears in an attempt to remain strong for his daughter.

He too sat on the bed and took one of Caitlin's hands in his as he planted a kiss on top of her bare head. The three of them sat in complete silence as eventually Caitlin's tears subsided. Shannon continued to lie on the bed and hold her as she began to gently rock her daughter to sleep just like she used to do when she was a tiny baby. Josh stroked her face and held her hand as he watched her close her eyes and fall to sleep.

The pain of seeing his daughter cry was indescribable, she had been so upbeat, so happy but to see her so sad and so scared, it had shattered every piece of him.

'I need to get some air,' Shannon announced as she gently got up from the bed so as not to disturb a now fast asleep Caitlin.

She quietly left the room and a few minutes after, Josh followed. He found her sitting on the same bench outside that he had been sat on just a while ago. He took a seat next to her and tried as hard as he could not to just burst into tears.

'You okay?' Shannon knew that he was anything but okay, how could he be okay after seeing his daughter get so upset?

'How do you do it Shannon?' Josh asked, he was amazed that she seemed so calm, so unmoved by everything that she'd just seen and heard.

'Because I have to, if I start crying, I know I'll never be able to stop,' Shannon replied as she breathed in deeply to fill her lungs with clean air. 'It's not because I don't care, I do care but I have to be strong for her. If she sees her mom getting upset can you even imagine how terrified she'd be?'

'I always thought that I was strong, you have to be to work on a crab boat you know? But this…seeing her like that, hearing her crying and saying that she's scared, I just wanna make this go away Shannon, I wanna fix her because I can't lose her, I can't ever lose her now I've found her…' Josh tried to remain strong but he couldn't, his tears flowed freely down his cheeks and as soon as he felt her warm arms wrap themselves around his neck he buried his head in her shoulder.

'Let it out Joshua, just let it out my dar…' Shannon stopped herself from calling him 'my darling', just like she had when they were together. Instead, she just held onto him as tight as she could as he cried against her shoulder.

He stayed in her arms until he finally managed to collect himself. He lifted his head up from her shoulder and came face to face with the woman who'd haunted his every dream, his every waking minute for the past ten years. He stared intently into her bright green eyes and instinctively reached out and stroked her right cheek which turned bright red under his touch, just like it used to ten years ago.

'My flower,' Shannon closed her eyes momentarily, she never thought she'd be called that ever again. When she opened her eyes again she found herself drawn into the deep brown eyes that were still bloodshot from the tears he'd cried over their daughter.

She could feel his breathe on her lips, she could smell his distinctive scent and she was lost in him again, drowning in him.

'What the fuck are you two doin down here?'

Phil's voice snapped from behind them, breaking the spell that had taken them both over and causing them to snap apart.

'I er, um, I er better go back,' Shannon stuttered before she got to her feet and quickly walked off, leaving Josh and his father to come face to face with each other.

'Leave her alone Josh, I mean it,' Phil growled and Josh knew better than to argue with him when he was this mad.

Phil watched as his eldest son walked away from him without uttering one word. He had to understand that he was doing this for his own good, he wouldn't stand by and watch as his son got hurt all over again. He wouldn't watch him sink into the deep depression that had taken him over when Shannon walked out on him all those years ago. He never thought that Josh would come out of it but he had and he was not going to let him go there all over again.


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you all for your reviews and the new story alerts! This is a flashback again and WARNING! It does contain some fairly heavy smut so once again, if smut offends you overt your eyes... Please keep the reviews coming in as always! :)**

Chapter Twelve

Flashback

March 1st 2002

'And WHERE do you think you're going young lady?' Shannon stopped just as she was about to open the front door, she'd been so fucking quiet coming down the stairs but her damn mother seemed to be able to hear a pin drop.

'Josh is picking me up, we're going to see a movie,' part of that statement was right, Josh was indeed picking her up but they were not going to see a movie, she could hardly tell her mother that she was heading out with Josh so he could rub her pussy again now could she?

'I forbid you from leaving this house! That boy is trouble and I don't want you associating yourself with such a hoodlum! Now Chad Parker, he's a good Christian boy and I'm very good friends with his mother…'

'Chad Parker is a sexist, chauvinistic pig and I can't stand the sight of him. If you just gave Joshua a chance mom, he treats me so well…'

'OH Shannon you stupid girl! He's only treating you well so he can commit sins of the flesh! Boys like him only want one thing and once they've had it, he'll be onto the next little hussy that comes his way!'

Shannon sighed, no matter what she said or did she knew that her mother would never give Josh a chance. Her mother was determined to set her up with some snotty rich Christian kid, if it wasn't Chad Parker it was Scott Fontaine or Billy Fairbanks, she just couldn't stand the fact that she was happy and content with Josh.

'Mom all my homework is done, it's Friday night and Josh and I set this up on Monday so I'm going whether you like it or not, I'll be back before eleven thirty,' Shannon could hear Josh's car pulling up outside so instead of arguing with her mother, she decided to make a run for it.

She ran full speed down her garden path and heard her mother shouting out after her, she knew that she would be in deep trouble when she got back home but she didn't care, seeing Josh was worth any punishment that her mother would dish out.

'Go before my mom gets here!' Shannon yelled at Josh as soon as she opened the car door, before she had closed it Josh had driven off and Shannon couldn't help but laugh as she looked in the rear view mirror to see her mother waving her arms frantically whilst standing in the middle of the street.

'The neighbours will think she's fucking crazy!' Josh chuckled as he too looked back at her mother.

'They already think she's fucking crazy! Anyway, I don't care, I'm just glad that you came,' Shannon smiled as Josh took his eyes off the road for a second to look at her.

'You look good enough to eat tonight,' Josh's words sent shivers down her spine.

'That a threat or a promise big boy?' Shannon winked back at him and instantly Josh could feel his cock straining against his jeans.

They were still a good thirty minute drive away from where Josh had planned to take them and he kicked himself for not taking his dad's credit card out of his wallet so they could rent a room for a few hours instead. If he'd done that, they'd be a couple of minutes away from having a repeat performance of their Valentine's Night together, now he had to try and control himself and not kill them both by driving off the road as he thought about what he was going to do to her.

'Why weren't you in school today? Got a secret girlfriend that I should be worried about?' Shannon teased and Josh shook his head, grateful that she'd changed the subject to something more mundane so he could cool down.

'I was out getting you a present, the one I gave you Valentine's Day was shit, I told you I'd get you something better once my pay came in,' Josh grinned, he'd bought her a measly box of chocolates and some cheap earrings for Valentine's Day but what he had for her in his pocket was a one off and he'd had it made especially for her.

'Josh I told you not to go spending any money on me, the chocolates and the earrings were more than enough!'

'No they weren't, I wanted to get you something special,' Shannon's heart began to race, surely he wasn't going to….no, there was no way that he would, they were too young for that. Having said that if he asked, she wouldn't say no, she loved him and she wanted to be with him forever, despite what her stupid mother thought.

The rest of the drive was filled with inane talk about school and laughing about how Shannon's mother was determined to drive them apart. They finally reached their secluded destination after travelling a few miles down a darkened, off beat road and as soon as Josh stopped the car and turned off the engine, Shannon pulled him in for a passionate kiss.

She ran her hands over his beautiful face as she let her tongue slide into his willing mouth, as she slowly scraped it across the roof of his mouth he let out a low growl which made Shannon moan out loud. As soon as she started to let her hands wander down to his chest, then down to his stomach, Josh pulled away, much to her disappointment.

'I wanna give you your present before we do anything else, it won't take long so don't pout at me like that,' Josh smirked as he took in the disappointed look on her face.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the small black box with a red ribbon tied around it and handed it over to Shannon without saying anything.

Shannon could feel her hands shaking as she untied the ribbon, she took in a deep breath before opening the box and her face immediately quirked into a beaming smile as she pulled out the ring.

'Joshua, it's beautiful!' She exclaimed as she held it up to exam in it closely.

'There's an inscription inside the band,' Josh pointed out to her.

Shannon could feel her eyes beginning to mist up as she read the words engraved in the ring. 'Vi Prometto', 'I promise you' in Italian. Her father had been fluent in Italian, thanks to his five year stay in Turin when he was a child. He'd taught her the language and she'd fallen in love with it. Josh knew how much the Italian language meant to her, she and her father used to converse in it frequently, it was something that they shared between the two of them but now he was gone, she rarely spoke it anymore.

The ring was a solid silver band with a large green emerald placed in the middle of it and it was beautiful. It wasn't an engagement ring as she'd first thought it would be once she'd seen the box, it was a promise ring and to her, that meant just as much.

'I love you so much Joshua, I can't even begin to tell you how much this means to me. I'll never, ever take it off,' Shannon sighed as she placed the ring on her engagement finger, 'thank you so much.'

Josh was delighted that she liked it, he thought that giving her a promise ring might have freaked her out a little considering that they were both sixteen and all but it hadn't. He knew that other people would probably laugh at the pair of them, most High School sweethearts didn't stay together for the rest of their lives but he knew that there was no one else in the world that he wanted and there never would be. He'd taken shit from his guy friends for being tied down and 'under the thumb', they slept with different girls every weekend and he could easily do the same thing if he wanted but none of those girls were Shannon, no one came close to her.

Shannon leaned in to kiss Josh again and sighed as she felt his hands begin to wander up and down her back. She didn't have a present for him but she knew that there was something that she could do that would make him pretty happy.

'Why don't we go into the back? We'd have more room,' Shannon suggested as she pulled away from the kiss.

Ever since he'd given her her first orgasm, Shannon had felt much more confident about herself, about her body and her capabilities to please Josh. He knew that she wasn't experienced but that hadn't bothered him at all, in fact, it seemed to turn him on all the more.

She wanted to explore him, to study his body and spend hours pleasing him, she'd waited such a long time to allow herself sexual satisfaction and now that she'd had it, she craved even more.

Shannon moved first, climbing into the back seat knowing full well that Josh would see that underneath her short skirt, she had no panties on. When she settled down onto the back seat, Josh crawled over his seat and hovered over her, his eyes were now dark with lust and Shannon could see the huge bulge in his jeans even though it was fairly dark.

'No panties huh? Someone's a naughty girl,' Josh moaned before he started to run his hands over her breasts. He still wanted to take things nice and slow but damn she was making it pretty fucking difficult to do that.

'Easy access, so to speak,' Shannon winked which caused Josh to chuckle slightly as he started to gently suck at her neck.

'Touch me Joshua,' Shannon whined into his ear.

'I am touching you baby,' Josh smirked, knowing full well what she meant but if she wanted it, she had to ask for it.

'Touch me like you did before,' Shannon took one of his hands in hers and slowly began to guide it down her body, lifting up her skirt with her free hand she revealed herself to him, her juices twinkled in the moonlight and Josh didn't try to stifle the groan that escaped from his lips.

'I don't wanna touch you baby,' Josh moaned against her lips as he let his tongue run over her full lower lip. 'I told you before, you look good enough to eat tonight.'

Shannon bit her lip and let Josh take control of the proceedings, if being touched by him felt good she could only imagine how amazing his mouth would feel on her and this time, she wasn't nervous at all, just hungry for him.

Josh manoeuvred Shannon so she was lying across the back seat, he pulled one of her legs up onto the headrest of the driver's seat and lifted the other one up so it was rested on top of the back seat. She was wide open and his mouth drooled at the thought of tasting her, devouring her until she was screaming his name.

She lay back and sighed as Josh licked his thick lips before looking into her eyes, he was silently searching for her approval and her face told him all that he needed to know. Without wasting another moment, Josh lowered his face down to her dripping core and looked up into her eyes as he poked his long tongue out and slowly flicked it over her erect clit.

'FUCK!'

Shannon's body felt like it was about to explode as he ran his tongue over her bundle of nerves, his fingers had felt amazing but this was something else. She ran her hands down to his hair and let her fingers run through it as his tongue flicked over her clit again and again.

Josh's dick strained hard against his jeans as he savoured the taste of her sweet, sticky juices on his tongue. He'd never tell her but he had never done this before but judging by her moans and gasps, he was obviously doing it right.

'Oh Joshua, fuck me,' she was so turned on that she felt confident enough to go all the way. She didn't care that they were in a car, she had to have him, she had to feel him inside her.

Josh pulled his mouth away from her pussy and looked up at her, shaking his head.

'Not here, I want our first time to be special, not in the back of my fucked up car..'

'But Josh, please…'

'Uh uh, lay back and enjoy baby,' Josh growled before he wrapped his lips around her stiff clit, sucking on it and moaning against it as Shannon wrapped her legs around his shoulders, drawing him in even further to her soaking wet core.

He was almost drowning in her sweet juices as they ran from her pretty pink pleasure centre. He lapped them up, enjoying the taste of her and revelling in the fact that he could turn her on so much.

Shannon tried to watch Josh as he licked and sucked on her but she couldn't, her eyes were rolling back in her head because the pleasure was so fucking intense. Her entire body was shaking and tingling from head to toe, she knew that she was going to come soon, Josh's tongue was working harder now and she couldn't take much more. Instead of allowing him to continue, Shannon pulled at his hair until he looked up at her.

'You'd better stop, I don't wanna um, over your face…' Shannon blushed like a pathetic idiot as she continued to look at Josh who just smiled up at her.

'Well I want you to um over my face so be quiet and let me finish you off,' Josh slowly ran his tongue from her opening right up to her clit which caused Shannon to squeal out in delight as she squirmed beneath him.

'God Josh!'

Shannon began to buck as the sweet sensations of a huge climax began to soar through her body. Josh continued to lick and suck at her until she let herself go, screaming out his name as loud as she could as she felt her pussy spasm around his long tongue.

He tore himself away from her clit as he felt her muscles spasm around his mouth, he let his mouth wander down to her opening once again as he sucked up the juices that were flowing like a river from her body.

When she managed to stop shaking, she looked down at Josh whose face was still buried in her pussy, she let him stay there for a while until she pulled his face up to hers. He was covered in her juices but that didn't stop her from pulling him into a passionate kiss. She could taste herself as her tongue slipped into his warm mouth but it didn't bother her, it just made her feel turned on all over again but she'd had her pleasure, now it was time for her to pleasure him.

She pushed him back a little so she could run her hands beneath his shirt, feeling his soft stomach and firm chest. She planted one more kiss on his moist lips before she pushed him sideways so he was sitting on the back seat.

He watched her move, part of him still couldn't believe that she was here with him, that she loved him just as much as he loved her. She was so fucking beautiful, the most beautiful girl in the whole entire fucking world as far as he was concerned and she was his. He smiled as she kneeled down in front of him and began to run her hands over the tell-tale bulge in his jeans. He'd been hard ever since he'd seen her climb over the front seat and he'd caught a glimpse of her pussy, if she didn't take his jeans off soon he was gonna explode.

As if sensing his need, Shannon began to unbuckle his belt. When she'd finished with his belt, she slowly unzipped his fly, biting down on her lip as she freed him from his restraints. She pulled down his jeans and pants in one go to reveal his hard length which was soaking wet at the tip. She looked up at him and licked her lips before she leaned down and licked his shaft from the bottom to the top.

'Fuck baby,' Josh gasped as he watched Shannon tentatively lick his cock. He could tell that she was a little nervous but she had no need to be. She could turn him on just by looking at him.

Shannon didn't really have a clue what she was doing, she'd heard girls in school talking about sucking guys off before but she'd never fucking listened when they'd gone into detail about what they'd done, now she wished that she had. She was desperate to make him feel like he had made her feel, if she couldn't satisfy him then he could go and find someone who could. She tried not to panic as she ran her mouth up to the tip of his cock and slowly sucked it into her mouth, tasting his strong flavour and swallowing it down her throat as she let her tongue slide over him.

'FUCK! That's right baby, that's RIGHT!'

Josh watched as Shannon began to suck on the head like it was a lollipop, he ran his hands down to her long hair and pulled some of it off her face, he wanted to see everything, he wanted to see HER.

She took her time, sucking slowly on the head before she took more of his length into her mouth, he was so fucking big and it would be impossible for her to take all of it but she managed to get halfway down his length before she could feel herself gagging a little. She pulled him out of her mouth, going back to the head again to lavish it with her tongue whilst she wrapped one of her hands around his shaft and jerked it off just like she'd done a few weeks ago.

'Mmm baby, fuck you're so good at this, so fucking good…'

Josh wasn't kidding, this was the best he'd ever fucking felt, she might not be experienced but Jesus she was good at this, really fucking good. When he felt her taking his cock inside her mouth again he knew that he wasn't going to last much longer.

'Gonna cum baby, keep sucking it…yeah that's right, that's right baby….AHHH!'

Shannon felt his load shoot down her throat as she continued to suck him, she swallowed every drop of it and pulled away from his cock to watch as he shuddered and shook. Her confidence was now sky high, she'd satisfied him with her hands and now with her mouth, she wasn't so pathetic after all.

She stayed on her knees and continued to plant kisses all over his length as it went soft, she couldn't seem to stop touching it and kissing it, the thought of having it inside her made her squirm still though, he was just so big and even though he would be gentle with her, she knew that it was going to hurt.

Josh watched with a stupid grin on his face as his beautiful Shannon continued to play with his flaccid cock, most girls stopped after their man had climaxed but Shannon seemed to want to turn him on all over again. As nice as another climax would be, he was in a soppy mood, he just wanted to hold her for a while, they would have to leave pretty soon and before they went he wanted to wrap his arms around her and tell her just how much she meant to him.

'Come up here baby,' Josh smiled as Shannon pouted at him before she crawled up his body and planted a soft kiss on his lips. 'You're amazing Shannon you know that?'

'No but I like it when you tell me,' Shannon smiled back at her man, wrapping her arms around his neck as she buried her head against his shoulder. Now that they had finished, she could feel her body shivering against the cold air and Josh wrapped his arms tightly around her, stroking her hair as she planted kisses against his muscular arm.

'I wish we could stay here, I don't wanna go back home, I hate leaving you,' she whined, the thought of going home to her mom made her feel sick. She knew that she would be in trouble when she got back and all she wanted to do was to stay in Josh's arms for the rest of the night, she felt safe when she was with him and more importantly, she felt loved.

'One day we'll have a place of our own and we won't have to answer to anyone, just a couple more years baby, then I can have you all to myself forever,' Josh smiled, he knew how sappy he sounded but he didn't care all that much, all that he wanted was her. He didn't care about college, getting a good job, earning a lot of money….the only thing that he wanted, that he NEEDED was in his arms right now and he was never letting her go.

'Forever sounds good, Mrs Shannon Harris has a nice ring to it don't you think?' She smiled as she looked up at him and began to stroke his cheek.

'Yeah it does, it really does. It'll happen one day baby, I promise you.'

**Well, let me know what you think! **


	13. Chapter 13

**Thanks for the reviews and new story alerts! It's not a happy chapter I'm afraid, it's not really sad but sort of somewhere inbetween I guess. Please send me your reviews and that goes for everyone who reads this, even you folks who have got this on alert! The more reviews, the quicker the updates and the happier I shall be :) Thanks**

Chapter Thirteen

'I don't think I've ever been so nervous in my entire life,' Shannon paced up and down the corridor outside the doctor's office as they waited to be called inside.

They were getting the test results back today and if Josh wasn't a match, they would all have to wait and hope that a match would be found soon on the Bone Marrow registry.

'I just wish the fucking doctor would call us in already, we've been waiting for nearly an hour,' Josh sighed, his stomach was turning over, he was hoping and praying that he would be a match so the transplant could be done straightaway.

They could do it today if they wanted, he was ready and willing to save his little girl and make her better so she could get out of this place and carry on with her life.

'I don't mind waiting if it's good news we're gonna get, if it isn't…' Shannon trailed off as she imagined having to tell Caitlin that she would have to wait a little longer to get better. Her little girl wasn't stupid, she knew just how sick she was and she also knew that there was a possibility that she wouldn't make it through her illness.

'If it's not good news, we'll tell her together and we'll deal with it together,' Josh looked at Shannon who gave him a little smile.

Phil groaned inwardly at the exchange, he could see that they were beginning to get close to one another again and no matter what he said or did, Josh would not listen to him. He couldn't see that he only wanted what was best for him and as far as he was concerned, Shannon was NOT the best person for him, she'd left him once and to Phil, that meant that she could do it all over again. They spent months away at sea, who's to say that she wouldn't disappear while Josh was away, taking Caitlin with her and breaking Josh's heart all over again. He couldn't bear the thought of his son getting hurt again but he was struggling to keep him away from her.

His thoughts were interrupted by the door to the Doctor's office opening. The three of them watched as the doc stepped out of the room, her face gave absolutely nothing away.

'Shannon, Josh come in,' she looked at both of them in turn and Shannon was the first person to walk through the door, quickly followed by Josh as Phil got out of his seat and began to pace up and down the corridor while he waited for them to come out of the room.

Shannon took a seat in the room whilst Josh chose to stand. She could feel herself shaking as Claire, the doctor, sat down and looked right at them.

'You're a match Joshua…'

She didn't hear the rest of what she had to say, as soon as she'd said that Josh was a match she started to cry. She could go and tell her little girl that soon, she was going to be better. she'd be able to play soccer again, go to school again, be a child again.

Josh instinctively took hold of Shannon's hand as he watched a stream of tears run down her cheeks. This meant so much to both of them, he could save his daughter's life and there were no words to describe just how relieved and happy he was that he was able to do this for her.

'When can I have the procedure? If you want, you can do it right now,' Josh spoke up as he continued to grasp Shannon's hand in his, she was in no fit state to talk right now but he was determined to remain strong for both of them.

'It's not as simple as you think it might be Joshua. I don't know how much you know about the procedure Josh but we can't do it right away,' Claire explained, Josh was almost ashamed to admit that he hadn't researched the procedure at all. He was never much good at understanding medical lingo so the only explanation he'd got so far was a very brief one from Shannon.

'First of all we need to make sure that all of Caitlin's bone marrow cells are killed off, to do that we have to give her some very strong doses of chemotherapy over the next couple of weeks. Once the cells are destroyed, we can then harvest your bone marrow and transplant it into Caitlin. We'll put you under a general anaesthetic and take the cells from your hip bone, you'll be kept in for a few days and you'll need to take things easy for a couple of weeks but the procedure for you is very low risk.'

'And what about the procedure for Caitlin? Once she has my bone marrow, everything will be fine won't it? She'll be cured and then she can come home.'

'I wish that I could say yes Josh but as I've told Shannon before, this procedure does give her a fighting chance of making it through but there's still a risk that the cancer could come back even after the transplant has been completed. She'll need to have regular blood tests and we need to keep a close eye on her for a good few months after the donation has taken place….'

'So we could still lose her?' Josh swallowed hard, Shannon had told him this before but he'd convinced himself that the donation would be enough to save her life.

'I know she'll make it through this Josh, she HAS to make it through this,' Shannon looked at Josh who gripped her hand even tighter.

They'd had such good news but now reality had finally set in for both of them. The transplant was a good thing and it gave their daughter the best chance of making it through but it wasn't the miracle cure that they'd told themselves it would be.

Shannon had known all along but of course she'd pushed the risks and the chances of the cancer coming back to the deepest, darkest depths of her mind. She'd had to otherwise her façade of courage and confidence would slip and then what would Caitlin be left with? A mother that cried and wailed at her bedside? She had to be strong, she STILL had to be strong.

'The next couple of weeks will be very difficult for all of you. Caitlin is going to be very sick when we increase the chemotherapy and I know that it will be upsetting for both of you, I just want you both to be prepared for how it will affect her.'

'We'll both be here and one of us will be here with her if the other one isn't, she's not going through any minute of this alone you know how scared she is Clare…'

'I've already told the nurses to expect you or Josh to be staying with her overnight, it's not a problem Shannon. This is good news honey, she's a tough little girl, this transplant is the best shot that she has. She can make it through this.'

Shannon took comfort from her words, Caitlin was a tough girl and if anyone could get through this then it was her. They stayed chatting to Clare for a few minutes about the procedure in greater detail before Clare's beeper went off, she apologised profusely before leaving the room in a hurry both Shannon and Josh left after her to tell Phil the news.

As soon as Josh came out of the room Phil stood up from his seat, he looked behind Josh at Shannon who was wiping her eyes and he immediately feared the worst. Before he could say anything Josh smiled at him and he was soon filled with hope again.

'I'm a match dad,' that's all that Josh could say. He was feeling so many different emotions that he thought his head might explode, he really wanted to be happy and overjoyed but the thought of the cancer coming back and taking over his little girl again made him feel sick to his stomach.

'That's fucking great news son! I told ya she's gonna be fine! She's a Harris after all!' Phil embraced his son as Shannon looked on, she wasn't going to correct his comment even though it stung more than a little.

She was getting sick of being glared at or being completely ignored by him. Before she'd left Seattle Phil had been so good to her, she'd spent so much time at his place with Josh and weirdly she'd thought of him as a friend. Now, he just looked through her like she was pure fucking evil or something.

'I'm going outside for some air, I'll meet you in Caitlin's room,' as soon as she spoke Josh pulled away from his dad and started to follow her.

'I'll come with you, I could do with a smoke.'

'So could I,' Shannon rolled her eyes, of course he couldn't POSSIBLY leave the two of them alone for even five fucking minutes. I mean five minutes was such a long time, they could fuck doggy style over the bench outside or they could even go to Vegas and back to get married!

Josh was pissed that his father fucking insisted on chaperoning him like he was five years old. Ever since he'd found he and Shannon close to kissing on the bench he'd been following him around everywhere and he was on the verge of buying him a plane ticket back to Alaska just so he and Shannon could have some much needed time alone to talk to one another.

When they got outside the hospital Shannon watched as Josh placed a cigarette between his thick lips, she'd always adored his lips, they were so pink and thick, they'd always felt so good on every inch of her skin. She snapped her gaze away when Josh looked up to find her staring at him.

'You want one of these?' He held out a cigarette but she shook her head.

'I gave up when I was pregnant, haven't touched one since.'

'Well you were never really a real smoker anyway, seeing as you liked those girly fucking weak menthol things,' he smirked.

'Do not start that shit again Joshua, I wasn't the one who puked all night long after five fucking shots of Jaeger. 'Oh Shannon, help me Shannon I'm dying!'

'I was sick because of the fucking Chilli Dog I ate! You were the one who used to get wasted after two fucking bottles of Stella!'

Shannon was about to respond when Phil got there first.

'Shouldn't we be talking about Caitlin instead of your stupid fucking teenage fling?'

'Dad!'

'You know what Phil, I have fucking had it with you! Josh, your dad can come to the hospital when I'm not around because I don't want him anywhere near me!'

'You can't do that, she's my granddaughter…'

'And she's MY daughter! It's not just Harris blood that flows through her veins!'

'Well it's Harris blood that will save her life seeing as YOURS couldn't!' Phil regretted what he'd said as soon as it came out of his mouth.

Shannon forced herself not to cry on the spot, she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing her break down.

'You'd better go tell her the good news, I'll come back later,' Josh wasn't going to allow Shannon to walk away, he was really fucking ashamed of his father for saying something so hurtful.

'Happy now?' Josh snapped at his dad before he quickly ran after Shannon. 'Don't leave, she needs us BOTH right now you know she does.'

Shannon stopped walking and sighed heavily, shaking her head as she began to speak.

'Does she really? I mean he's right isn't he? What good have I been to her Josh?'

'Jesus Shannon are you fucking serious? Her eyes light up every time she sees you! You're brilliant with her anyone can see that, even my dad can see it but he won't ever admit it. You might not be able to donate your bone marrow but that doesn't make you a failure or a bad mom, you're a wonderful mom and right now our daughter needs you and you know what? I need you too because I'm not fucking strong enough to get her through this on my own,' Shannon kept her eyes firmly fixed on the ground as Josh spoke and they remained there once he'd finished.

She didn't want him to see her tears or hear the things that she so fucking desperately needed to say. She didn't want to crumble in front of him and right now she was in pieces.

'Shannon, look at me,' he could tell that she was still upset, she always did this when something was wrong. It was like she flicked a switch inside her which brought down a fucking wall, preventing him from climbing over it to get to her, to make her fucking listen to him. 'I fucking hate it when you do this, I'd rather you punch me in the balls than not do any fucking thing at all.'

She finally gathered enough strength to look at him but she regretted it. As soon as she looked into the eyes that she swore could see into her soul she lost it. Her body shook as she started to sob in front of him, he didn't hesitate to wrap his long arms around her as she cried into his shoulder.

'It's okay Shannon, it's alright,' he tried to soothe her, he fucking hated seeing her cry, he always had.

'I'm falling apart Joshua, I don't know what to do…'

'I'm here baby and I'm gonna make things better okay? I promise you Shannon, everything will get better.'


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you so much for all the reviews! So sorry for the length of time it's taken me to update this, I have been so busy but this update is rather long. It's rather emotional too and a difficult read. Before you read, I feel like I need to address the situation with Phil in this story. It was never my intention to make him so disliked, he's trying to protect his son after he was left broken hearted, please don't think that I want him to be evil, I would never do that, as time goes on things will become clear I promise.**

**Please leave a review if you read as always, thank you all SO much! :)**

*****Edited Version*****

Chapter Fourteen

'Well honey, today's the big day we've been talking about, how are you feeling?'

Shannon tried to sound as upbeat as possible about what lay in store for her young daughter. The past couple of weeks had been hard, really fucking hard. She'd seen the little strength that Caitlin had left in her young body all but disappear right in front of her very eyes. The chemotherapy had taken everything out of her, she'd been put on IV after IV to keep her fluid levels up because she couldn't keep anything down, not even one fucking glass of water.

She hadn't left her side since the treatment had increased, she'd had her little mini-meltdown outside the hospital a couple of weeks ago but now her game face was firmly back on and she was determined not to let it slip. She had to be strong, she had to give all the strength that she could to her daughter to keep her going because she was never letting her go, she was not going to bury her child.

'I feel tired mommy, I just wanna go to sleep,' Caitlin groaned as her small fingers tightened around her mother's.

Shannon stroked her forehead and tried as best as she could to comfort her.

'Then go to sleep baby.'

'But I wanna see daddy before he has surgery, I wanna give him Oscar for good luck,' Caitlin pointed to the teddy bear lying next to her in bed.

Oscar had been the first thing that Shannon had bought for her daughter and Caitlin had never let him out of her sight before. He'd been with her throughout the treatments, the pain and the sleep-ness nights.

'Daddy should be here soon, why don't you rest your eyes until he gets here? I can wake you up when he arrives,' Shannon watched as Caitlin yawned and nodded her head before she easily drifted off to sleep.

She continued to stroke her daughter's face as she slept, hoping that her touch offered her some form of comfort through all the pain and sickness that she was suffering right now. She just hoped and prayed that the transplant would work, if it didn't, she couldn't see how she would ever be able to survive in a world without her beautiful little girl in it.

'Josh the doc told you to stay here…'

'I promised Caitlin that I would see her before the surgery and I am not fucking breaking that promise so don't even try to stop me from leaving. I'll be back in five minutes, the doc won't even know I've been anywhere,' Josh huffed as he wrapped his dressing gown around himself, covering up the real sexy hospital gown that he was wearing in preparation for the procedure.

'I'd better come with you…'

'No you won't dad! I want five minutes alone with Caitlin and Shannon, is that too fucking much to ask?' Josh snapped at his father, he'd been pissed at him ever since he'd made Shannon cry with his fucking awful remark about her blood not being good enough to save Caitlin. He had since offered Shannon a half assed apology which she'd accepted but Josh knew that the apology wasn't sincere at all, Shannon probably knew too but she'd accepted just to save another fucking argument from happening all over again.

'If the doc comes back when I'm gone, just say I'm taking a piss or something,' Josh told his dad before leaving the room in a hurry, five minutes alone with his girls was just what he needed before going under.

He was more nervous than he thought he would be, he hadn't had that many surgical procedures before and the thought of being knocked out cold made him a little nervous. Sure he was fit and healthy so the chances of him making it through were pretty high but still, there was always a chance that something could go wrong. He had to see his girls just one more time, just in case.

He walked through the long corridors as quickly as he could, he didn't have much time to waste. He managed to make it to the room in five minutes and as soon as he got there Shannon's eyes met with his.

'Hi there,' Shannon wished that his eyes would stop boring into hers, it was like he was staring right into her soul each time he looked at her.

'Out like a light again huh?' Josh walked closer to the bed and stared at his brave little girl who was sleeping peacefully once again.

'I have to wake her up, she wants to see you before you have the surgery, she has something to give you,' Shannon said before she began to tickle Caitlin's face with her fingers as she whispered her name to get her to wake up.

Caitlin's eyes began to flicker open and Josh stood by her bedside, taking her hand in his as he smiled down at her. His nerves about the procedure were gone, if something was to go wrong he didn't care anymore, all that he cared about was his daughter getting better. He hadn't known her for that long but she was the best thing that had happened to him, she'd changed his life forever. Partying, drinking, fucking around, none of that mattered now, it would never matter again. He wanted to be a good father and a good role model to his daughter, he was going to change every single part of his life for her.

'Daddy you came,' Caitlin sighed as she woke up and smiled at him.

'I promised you that I would, I'll be back to see you tomorrow too, nothing will keep me away,' Shannon smiled hearing Josh's words, he had made such a big effort with Caitlin since he'd got here and the love that he had for her was written all over his face. It made her melt a little inside everytime she watched him with Caitlin, it made her wonder just how life would have been if she'd stayed in Seattle and told him that she was keeping their daughter.

'I want you to take Oscar with you, he'll look after you like he's looked after me,' Caitlin handed over her bear to Josh who took it but immediately tried to give it back to her.

'I can't take this from you sweetie, he needs to stay here to look after you, I'll be fine.'

'Please daddy, take him. You can give him back tomorrow when you come and see me, I want you to have him, please,' Josh looked at Shannon who nodded, he wasn't going to fight his daughter, she was too weak to fight right now.

'Thank you so much baby, I promise that I'll keep him safe. Everything is gonna be alright sweetie, I'll be back before you know it okay?'

Caitlin nodded and smiled weakly, Josh could see that she was forcing herself to stay awake and he wanted her to rest.

'I need to go back now before my doctor kicks my ass!' Josh laughed, before he leaned down and planted kisses on her forehead, cheeks, nose and lips. 'I love you so much sweetheart, so much.'

'I love you too daddy, thank you so much for doing this for me,' her words nearly made him break down on the spot but he managed to fight the tears off. He couldn't break down in front of her, he had to be strong now, he had to be a rock for her.

'Mommy, will you go with daddy and make sure he's okay?' Shannon looked at her daughter who had a slight smile on her face, despite being sick she still seemed determined to try and get her parents back together again.

'And what about you honey?' Shannon replied.

'I'll be fine, now go,' Josh smirked at his daughter, she was a bossy little madam at times, just like her mother.

Shannon wasn't going to argue with her so she planted a kiss on her head and got up to follow Josh out of the room. Their eyes met again as she closed the door behind them and they began to walk down the long corridor.

'Has your mom been to see her today?' Josh asked, Julia hadn't visited Caitlin once since he had been in town and he couldn't understand why someone would keep away from their very sick granddaughter for so fucking long.

'No and I don't expect her to come anytime soon Josh,' Shannon sighed, she wanted to love her mother, she really did but it was hard. She was a tough woman to love. 'She hates the fact that I went behind her back and brought you here, she thinks that the two of us are doing 'sinful' things to each other again. I talked to her a few nights ago and she won't come to see Caitlin unless you are gone and by gone I mean gone, as in back to Seattle gone.'

'Does your mom seriously fucking think that I'm gonna walk out of your lives now that I know about Caitlin? Jesus fucking Christ I knew she was fucking crazy but not that crazy!' Josh exclaimed, Shannon's mother had never liked him but the feeling was mutual. She'd treated Shannon like crap, always putting her down and shit, telling her she wasn't pretty enough or smart enough, no matter what Shannon did it was never right or good enough for her.

'I told her you weren't leaving and she went crazy, just as crazy as the night she found you hiding in my closet, you remember that?' Shannon smirked.

'I thought she was gonna hit me over the head with that Bible she had in her hands, I didn't get my freak on that night cos of her,' Josh smirked back, they had finished school early to get some time alone at her place and just as he had been about to put himself inside her they'd heard the front door slam.

'Yes you did, I sneaked out the window later on and we went to Steven's Pass in your car, we were almost caught by a cop,' Shannon stopped outside the door of Josh's room, she knew that Phil was inside and she didn't really want to see him right now.

'I thought that was another night? Come to think of it, there were a few nights that we were nearly caught by the law, we weren't exactly discreet were we?' Josh smiled, it was nice to talk about the past times they'd shared together. Each memory of those days brought a spark back into him that he never thought would appear again.

'We were horny teenagers, I would have fucked you in a dumpster if I'd had too,' Shannon smiled, there were so many good times, so many.

'Well, guess I'd better go back in and get into bed before the doc gets back and yells at me for not listening to him,' Josh sighed, as much as he wanted to stand here and reminisce for hours the time had come for them to part.

'I'll come down and see you later, is there anything I can bring you?'

'Just bring yourself, that'll be enough,' Shannon could feel herself blushing at his words, she wished that he didn't have the ability to do this to her.

'Well, good luck. Thank you Joshua, I'll never be able to repay you for what you're doing, I wish I could,' Josh smiled at her before he leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on her smooth forehead.

'You don't have to thank me, she's our daughter Shannon, our little girl,' Shannon nodded, her skin was tingling from the kiss he'd just given her. His lips were still so soft and smooth, they felt so good against her skin, just like they had in the past.

'Take care, I'll be here when you get back, I promise,' Josh watched as Shannon walked away from him, he resisted the urge to call her back, if he did he would say far too much and he knew how fragile she was right now, telling her just how he felt about her might freak her out and he had to try and take things slowly. There was so much that he didn't know, that he didn't understand, they needed to build their friendship again before anything else could happen. They had to fill in the gaps and get to know each other all over again and Josh was determined to make that happen.

He was about to go back into the room to wait for the doctor when he heard his name being called, he turned around to see his doctor making his way towards him.

'We're ready for you Joshua,' the doc smiled at him.

Josh nodded and opened the door to his room to call his dad over for a quick hug.

'Good luck son, I'll be here when you get back, everything will be fine,' Josh smiled at his dad before he followed the doc a little way down the long corridor. They soon reached the surgical suite where Josh lay down on the bed and remained silent as the anaesthetist inserted a catheter into his hand ready for the anaesthetic.

'It'll be over before you know it,' she smiled at him as she prepared the drugs to knock him out.

He watched her as she placed the needle into the catheter and he drifted off into a world of his own, only one thing, one night, came into his mind as the anaesthetic sent him under.

He was sixteen years old again, it was just a few weeks after he'd given Shannon the promise ring that he'd had made for her and he'd just finished school.

'Dad? Jake? Where you at?' He yelled into the house but no one responded to his calls.

When he walked into the lounge he found a note scribbled in his father's writing.

'Gone to visit Sig, home later.'

Josh rolled his eyes, tonight his dad was meant to be helping him fix his stupid fucking car which was making a painful rattling noise but once again he'd been let down. He needed his car to be working, especially as the car seemed to be the only place that he and Shannon could spend time alone. Shannon had finally saved up enough money from her weekend job at the pizza parlour to buy herself a car but her mom hardly ever let her use it. They'd met up a couple of times since that night and they'd gone back to the same place to touch, kiss and explore each other.

He found himself thinking about her more and more, he wanted to be with her every minute of every fucking day but her stupid fucking mother was determined to try and keep them apart.

With his dad gone, he didn't have anything to do tonight. Without a car he was screwed, he could hardly walk over to Shannon's and ask to see her, her mom would slam the fucking door shut in his face. He threw himself down on the couch and put his leg up on the coffee table, as his leg hit the table he heard something fall on the ground and he sat up again to see what he'd knocked over.

As soon as he saw what was on the floor a smile appeared on his face. His dad had left his keys to the boat behind, he NEVER left his keys to the boat behind but today he'd evidently been in a hurry to leave and he must have forgotten about them.

He grabbed the keys and rushed upstairs to his room to log into his computer. It took a good fifteen minutes to load up and sign into MSN Messenger but it was worth the wait when he saw that Shannon was online. Before he could type out a message she had sent one to him.

'Thought you were meant to be working on your car tonight handsome? Xxx'

'Dad ditched me, fucker! Buttt, he left behind his keys to the boat sooo, can you sneak out? xxx'

'Hell yeah! Mom's just gone round to our new neighbours with a peach cobbler and her Bible, she'll be hours trying to convert them! I'll be there in ten minutes, see ya soon stud! Xxx'

Josh smiled as Shannon signed off, going to the boat was a risk, especially if his dad came back early and noticed that his keys were gone but it was a risk that he was willing to take.

He changed his clothes and sprayed plenty of cologne over himself, he knew that Shannon loved his cologne, she'd told him plenty of times. When he had changed, he went downstairs and was about to sit down on the couch when he heard a horn sounding from outside, Shannon had arrived sooner than he'd expected her to. He rushed out of the door without putting on a jacket or picking up his wallet, he wanted to get out quickly just in case his dad came back. He locked the house up and ran to Shannon's car, smiling at her and leaning over to plant a kiss on her lips as he jumped inside the passenger seat.

'Mom caught me sneaking out, she was leaving the neighbour's house as I was walking down the path, I've never moved so quickly in my entire fucking life!' Josh smirked at her as she drove away. 'You're gonna have to direct me, I have no idea where I'm meant to be going.'

'You've never been to the docks before?'

'Uh, no, there are far too many sinful, unholy men there that could rape me or murder me!'

Josh laughed as Shannon put her foot down on the accelerator and whizzed through the streets as quickly as possible. She seemed pretty eager to get to the boat, in all honesty he was pretty fucking eager to get there too. She looked good, she always looked fucking good and he wanted to run his hands over every inch of her all over again. He would never get tired of learning the secrets of her body, she was like a fucking drug to him except no drug had ever made him feel as good as she did.

They arrived at the docks forty minutes later, parking up in the parking lot nearest to where the Cornelia Marie was anchored up. As soon as they were out of the car, Josh grabbed her hand and began to lead them to the boat. It was getting dark already and the docks weren't a safe place to be at night, there were plenty of shady looking people hanging around and Josh wanted them to reach the safety of the boat as quickly as possible.

They managed to board the boat without anyone seeing them, at least Josh didn't think that anyone had seen them anyway. As soon as they got inside the galley Josh put on the light and Shannon began to look around, she'd never been on the Cornelia Marie before, she'd mentioned to him in the past that she wanted to see the boat and now she had her chance.

'It's bigger than I thought it would be, there are beds on here aren't there?'

'No Shannon, the guys like to sleep out on deck to feel really at one with the sea you know?' Shannon flipped him off before he walked over to her and pulled her into his arms, pressing his lips against hers before she had the chance to pull away.

'You're so fucking beautiful Shannon, I can't stop thinking about you, wanting you…' Josh trailed off as she let her soft hands caress his face.

'I want you so much Josh, you don't know how much I need you, how much I love you,' Shannon kept looking at him but he noticed her reach into her back pocket, he was about to ask what she was doing when she showed him what she had in her hand.

'Where did you get that?' He asked as she started to stroke his cheek.

'Sex Ed, we were given some a week ago, I stayed behind and asked for some more, I thought we might need them,' Josh could feel his cock twitching as she opened the wrapper and stared at him with lust so evident in her gaze.

'I'm ready for this Josh, I'm ready for you, make love to me,' her hands began to wander over him, hypnotising him and sending him into a daze.

He wanted to do this but he felt like a complete pussy because he was scared. He'd never taken a girls virginity before and he knew that he would hurt her and he didn't want to hurt her, he didn't want to cause her any pain at all, her hands stopped wandering over him, she could sense his fear.

'Don't you want to? I know I probably won't be all that good at first but I can learn…'

'Shannon it's not that baby, I just…I just don't wanna hurt you,' Josh knew that he sounded like a fool but he had to be honest with her, there was no point in lying.

He was shocked when he saw a beaming smile spread across her face, he had expected her to laugh at him and mock him for sounding like such a fucking idiot.

'I know it will hurt a little at first but I know that you'll be gentle, more importantly I know that you love me and you won't dump me as soon as you've had the goods. I want this and I'm not scared, don't be scared,' she pressed her lips against his again and the fear and panic seemed to leave his body. If she wasn't afraid then he shouldn't be either, they didn't say anything else, instead he took her hands and led her towards the stateroom.

He spent a while making sure that she was turned on, making sure that she was totally comfortable and ready for what they were about to do. They made love for just over fifteen minutes, not exactly long but he was amazed that he managed to last so long, she felt so good, he couldn't even describe how amazing it felt to meld their bodies together, to connect as one for that first time.

When they had finished, he held her body close to his, stroking her back as they both recovered from their climaxes. He finally managed to speak after what seemed like hours of silence.

'How do you feel?' She looked up at him and smiled.

'Fucking amazing,' he grinned back at her before planting a kiss on her forehead.

'I love you so much Shannon, so much.'

'Joshua, Joshua! Open your eyes! Time for you to wake up!'

Josh opened his eyes slowly, he was angry that someone had interrupted his dream, his perfect dream.

'It's all over now Josh, we're taking you back to the room so you can recover okay honey?'

Josh nodded groggily as a nurse stood over him and explained what was going on. He'd come through the procedure okay and his bone marrow had been harvested, now it was all down to Caitlin.

**Well I hope you enjoyed folks, I didn't want to openly post smut featuring two sixteen year olds as I didn't know how people would react. I did write smut, if that makes me sick then so be it, but if you would like the unedited version featuring the smut then please drop me a PM or let me know in your review and I will send it to you, thank you! :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**Thanks for all the reviews as always, shorter update this time for the weekend. Please keep reviewing, more reviews would make me ecstatic! :)**

Chapter Fifteen

Shannon could feel her eyes beginning to close, she'd been awake for so many days that her body was ready to shut down on her once and for all. She was about to let her head rest on the bed when the door to Caitlin's room opened, she sat up straight in her chair and looked right at Phil who walked into the room.

She immediately felt sick to her stomach, had something gone wrong? Was Josh okay? She got up from her chair and walked over to him, he was glaring at her again but that was nothing new.

'Is Josh out of surgery? Is he okay?'

Phil nodded before he spoke.

'He wants to see you,' he growled, he was evidently pretty pissed at the fact that Josh had asked for her.

'Grandpa!'

Phil's face softened as soon as he heard Caitlin speak, he walked over to her bed and planted a kiss on her forehead before taking a seat alongside her.

'I'm gonna go and see your daddy sweetheart, I won't be long,' Shannon smiled at her daughter before walking out of the room.

Phil shot Shannon another glare before she disappeared, he didn't feel comfortable about her being all alone with Josh but he couldn't leave Caitlin alone.

'Can I ask you something?' Caitlin said and Phil nodded.

'Sure, ask me anything.'

'Why are you so horrible to mommy?'

Phil felt like a fucking piece of shit at that moment, especially when he looked at Caitlin, he could see how sad she was, what was he meant to say?

'Grandma's horrible to her too and it's not fair, she hasn't done anything wrong,' Caitlin announced after a few moments of silence.

'I don't mean to be so horrible to her it's just that, well, your dad is my son and when your mom left, it broke his heart. I don't want her to break his heart again….'

'She won't! And you should back off, what mom and dad decide to do is their decision, not yours,' Phil couldn't help but smile at his granddaughter, how could an eleven year old be so fucking wise?

'I promise I'll be nicer to your mom.'

'Can you ask grandma to be nicer to her?'

'Uh, your grandma and I don't exactly get on honey, in all honesty she's a bi…bit of a fool,' Phil corrected himself at the last minute as Caitlin smirked at him.

'You were gonna say bitch weren't you?' She whispered and giggled as Phil nodded.

'Now, how about I tell you a little story about crabs and how I find them using their fart bubbles,' Phil was eager to change the subject onto something a little more light hearted, Caitlin didn't need to be worrying about things right now, she needed some light relief.

'Crabs fart?' Caitlin sat up a little in bed and looked at Phil wide eyed, he had her hook, line and sinker.

'Yep and let me tell you something, your Grandad Phil can smell them even when they're hundreds of miles away!'

'How?'

Phil rolled off into a story which had Caitlin laughing and smiling, he forgot all about his issues with Shannon and for the first time since he'd got here, he realised that he'd spent so much time worrying about Josh and Shannon that he'd forgotten the reason that he was here, he was here for Caitlin.

Shannon quietly opened the door to Josh's room and crept inside, she glanced over at the bed and could see that he was fast asleep. She could have just left right away but she chose to stay, he'd asked for her and she wanted to be here for him, it was the least she could do after what he'd done for their daughter.

She took a seat alongside his bed and reached out to take his hand in hers. She couldn't seem to stop herself from touching him, ever since she'd left Seattle she had thought about him, a few times she'd thought about going back, especially during her pregnancy when her mother insisted on keeping her locked inside the house so no one could see her. She'd been so scared back then, she'd felt so alone and unloved, her mother was ashamed of her and she had no one else. Now that he was back, all of the old feelings that she had tried so hard to bury had been dug up again. Josh had been her rock, he'd been the first and only person that she'd ever opened up to about her life, about how her father's death had affected her so badly and what her mom was like behind the good Christian façade that she put on for everyone.

She'd convinced herself over the years that her love for him was dead, that she had got over him but that wasn't true, she still needed him, she still wanted him but how could they ever be what they were before? They'd been apart for so long, so many things had happened, neither of them really knew each other anymore and it was all her fault. The guilt that she felt for leaving him was eating away at her, it had been ever since she'd left with her mother, she'd never be able to give him back the years he'd missed with Caitlin, how could he ever forgive her for what she'd done when she couldn't forgive herself?

She fought back the tears as she held his hand tighter, she relished the contact, if only he knew just how much she had missed him, how she'd never been able to date another man because he was the only one she wanted. She would never want anyone else but she'd ruined everything.

Josh stirred in his sleep as he felt someone gripping his hand quite tightly, at first he guessed it was his father but then he realised that the skin was too soft for it to be his dad. He forced himself to open his eyes and as soon as he saw her he smiled, his dad had listened to him for once and he'd gone to get her.

'Hey,' he croaked out as she smiled back at him.

'Hey, how are you feeling?'

'Groggy and my mouth is like fucking sandpaper,' he moaned as he watched Shannon get up to grab the jug of water which was sat on the table at the end of his bed. She poured some water into a paper cup and held it up to his mouth allowing him to take a few sips before he signalled he'd had enough.

'Phil told me that you wanted to see me, I thought that something might be wrong, he had me worried for a second,' Shannon said as she put the water and cup back down on the table before she sat back down again.

'I guess having the surgery has made me think about a lot of things,' Josh pushed himself up a little, wincing at the slight stab of pain that passed through him. 'I want to stay here, I want to be around for Caitlin all the time, I don't wanna be the kind of dad that just see's their kid on the weekend, I need to be here for her.'

'Josh, you can see her whenever you want, you know that,' Shannon said, she wondered where this was going.

'I'm sick of living out of a suitcase Shannon so I've made a decision, I'm moving here permanently. I can't go back to Seattle, my place is here, with you and Caitlin, I guess I just wanted your approval before I put my place up for sale,' he explained.

'I want you to stay Josh and I know for a fact that Caitlin wants you here, this will make her so happy!' Shannon smiled.

'And does it make YOU happy?'

'Yes, it makes me very happy,' Shannon smiled before she reached out and ran her fingers over his cheek, she couldn't stop herself from doing it.

'We'll get her through this and once we have, we can spend time getting to know each other again, catching up on all the stuff we've missed over the years. I just want you to know that I've missed you Shannon, I've missed you so fucking much,' Josh let some of his emotions spill out, the drugs seemed to make it easier to be truthful.

'There's so much that you don't know about me Josh, stuff that is so hard for me talk about….I'm not the person that I was Josh, I've changed so much, I wanna go back to who I was back then, I wanna go back and be the girl you fell in love with but I can't be her…' Shannon felt the tears again and she felt like a fool, why was she telling him this? He didn't need to get dumped with her shit especially not after having surgery, Jesus she was majorly fucked up.

'Ssshhh don't cry, please don't cry I hate seeing you cry. Has someone hurt you? If anyone has hurt you I swear to fucking God…'

'This isn't the time Josh, our priority right now is Caitlin and only Caitlin. Once she's better, I'll tell you everything, I promise,' Shannon assured him, it would hurt her to go back to the events in the past but she felt like he had a right to know, she wanted him to know for some reason.

'Now that I'm here you're safe Shannon, I won't let anyone hurt you or Caitlin. I've been waiting for ten years to get you back and I'm not letting you go, either of you go, ever again,' Shannon felt Josh grip her hand and she cried like a baby.

There was so much that she needed to say but she couldn't find the words. Right now she just wanted to be close to him. She wanted to pretend that things would work out, that she would have the happy ending that she always wanted but that ending was just too far out of her reach. Her baby girl was still sick and she had to face the possibility that in a few months she might not be here anymore. Her fight had only just begun, the road was going to be a long and dark one at times but for now, at least she had Josh to light some of the way.


	16. Chapter 16

**Thanks as always for the lovely reviews, I must say that this chapter is very intense and emotional and not an easy read by any means. I have researched childhood leukemia a lot as I've wanted to get everything right, if I have made any mistakes I apologise. Please keep the reviews coming in, I won't say enjoy as it isn't the kind of chapter you will enjoy but please review nevertheless, thanks as always :)**

Chapter Sixteen

Two days had passed by since Josh had undergone surgery for the Bone Marrow Transplant and he was feeling fine, he had a little pain every now and then but it didn't matter, what mattered now was Caitlin. She had been receiving his Bone Marrow intravenously since he'd donated it and things weren't going well.

It had been explained before the procedure that there was a risk that Caitlin would be more susceptible to infections during this period, right now all her bone marrow cells were dead and until the new ones grew, she was in danger.

Visiting hours had now been restricted because of how weak she was, they only had a couple of hours a day to see her. That didn't stop them from sitting outside her room and watching her, both Shannon and Josh had been there ever since the transplant had started and neither of them wanted to leave. Their baby was fighting for her life and they were here to fight with her, they wanted her to know that they were there for her every step of the way.

Shannon lay back in her chair and tried to get comfortable, it was just past one in the morning and it was going to be another long, sleepless night. She didn't want to close her eyes just in case something happened, she was afraid that if she succumbed to sleep that when she woke up, her baby would be gone.

Caitlin was her life, her pride and joy. Before she'd fallen pregnant her dream had been to become a doctor, as soon as she first felt her little girl move inside her that dream changed. She wanted to be a good mother, a fantastic mother, she wanted to be the mother that she had craved for her whole life and seeing her daughter so sick and so frail just brought it home that she had failed. She hadn't protected her, she hadn't kept her safe and that was what a mother was supposed to do.

Her guilt, her failures as a mother and as a person were becoming overwhelming but she had to be strong and pretend that she was okay. She was so used to pretending that things were fine that it wasn't even difficult to put on an act, Josh had been trying to get closer to her, to talk to her and get her to open up but she couldn't. As far as she was concerned he would be much better off without her, she would only fuck up his life all over again and hurt him because that's what she did, she hurt people.

'Shannon, why don't you try to get some sleep baby? I'll wake you up if anything happens,' Josh watched as Shannon desperately fought against her tiredness, she looked completely worn out and she needed to sleep, he was worried about her.

She shook her head and refused to look at him, since he'd spilled some of his heart out to her after his operation she seemed to be pulling away from him. He couldn't understand what he'd done wrong, he only wanted to take care of her and love her, why was that such a bad thing?

'You're running on empty Shannon and if you don't try and rest pretty soon they'll be making a bed up for you in this place. You're worn out Shannon, please, listen to me, I'm worried about you…'

'Well you shouldn't be worried about me Josh okay? The only person that you should worry about is Caitlin, she's the one fighting for her life in there not me! Stop trying to take care of me Josh, I don't need someone keeping an eye on me or smothering me so just back off!'

Shannon got up from her seat and moved over to the window looking into Caitlin's room. She had to pull away from him before he fell for her again, he couldn't fall for her again. Phil had been right from the very beginning, she was poison and she was not going to ruin his life again.

Josh remained in his seat and just stared at the woman that he loved with all his heart. She wasn't the same carefree teenager anymore, she had changed so much. She had no confidence, no spark, it was like she'd been beaten down so much that she'd lost the will to go on and it scared him. He wanted to know what had happened to her over the past ten years, what had gone on in her life to make her like this because there had to be a reason for her behaviour. She was trying so fucking hard to push him away but he wasn't going to go anywhere, he loved her, he had always loved her and he was going to make sure that both of his girls were okay, he was never leaving them, they were stuck with him.

He was about to get up and go over to her when a loud beeping sound coming from Caitlin's room made Shannon spin around and start screaming.

'DOCTOR! SOMEONE! HELP!'

Josh bolted out of his seat and grabbed Shannon's waist, stopping her from going into the room.

'LET GO OF ME! SOMETHING'S WRONG!' She wailed as Josh continued to hold her as he looked into the room to see his little girl fitting on the bed.

Doctors and nurses rushed past them and entered her room, they watched as they began to work on their little girl and Shannon continued to try and pull herself out of Josh's grip.

'Please Josh, please, she needs me!'

'We can't baby, we need to let them do their job, we'll get in the way, she knows we're here,' Josh closed his eyes and began to pray as hard as he could for his little girl, if God wanted to take someone then he wanted it to be him, not her. Not his baby.

'Caitlin, Caitlin please baby, please don't leave me, don't leave me baby. I love you so much, you have to fight, please keep fighting, please don't take her away, please,' Josh held Shannon as she started to wail, Josh couldn't hold himself together either, they knew that the procedure had many risks but both of them had believed that it would save her life, not make her worse and possibly kill her.

Shannon pressed her face up against the glass and watched as medics worked on her daughter, Josh stood behind her and watched the scene too until one of the nurses came over to the window and shut the blinds, this made Shannon cry out again, she wanted to see what they were doing to her daughter now Caitlin was all alone.

'She'll be fine, she's a fighter Shannon, she'll get through this, she can get through anything,' Josh kept repeating over and over again, he was trying to convince himself just as much as he was trying to convince Shannon. He couldn't give up hope, he couldn't accept the fact that his daughter could be dead, he didn't want to bury his little girl.

Shannon turned away from the window and wrapped her arms around Josh, she needed him right now, he was the only one that could understand the pain she was in. Memories of Caitlin's life flashed through her mind, the moment she'd first held her little body in her arms, hearing her say 'Mommy' for the first time, her first steps, her first day at school, her first soccer game. There were so many things that she had to look forward to, she wanted to see her graduate High School, go to her Prom, have her first boyfriend or girlfriend, if she died then there would be nothing left for her to look forward to. Caitlin was her life, her world, her heart and soul, she wouldn't be able to exist without her, what would be the point?

Josh held onto her as he cried his own tears, maybe this was his punishment for wanting Shannon to have an abortion in the first place, if she'd listened to him Caitlin wouldn't even exist now, maybe the cancer was his fault, karma coming to bite him on the ass for even suggesting that Shannon should kill their baby. He hadn't even wanted Shannon to get rid of her, not really. He'd only suggested an abortion because he wanted Shannon to achieve her goals, he wanted her to go to college and become a doctor, he wanted her to BE somebody, if he'd only known back then that she wanted the baby as much as he did then he never would have mentioned a termination. He'd wasted so many years drinking and fucking around, he'd missed out on his girl's lives and now there was a possibility that he was about to lose the daughter that he loved so much but barely knew.

They were both drowning in their grief, holding onto each other for support to keep their head above the water when the door to Caitlin's room opened and out stepped her primary doctor Clare. They pulled apart but held onto each other's hands as they looked to her in hope.

'I'm afraid Caitlin has a slight infection, her temperature has shot up which is what caused the fit that you saw. We're starting her on a high dose of antibiotics and we're waiting on some blood, we need to give her a transfusion to try and flush out the infection before it does any major damage,' Clare said as Shannon wiped her tears away.

'What are her chances?'

'The next forty eight hours are critical, we're going to move her to Intensive Care right away, I think you need to stay with her, she might not make it through the night, I'm so sorry,' Shannon felt her legs give way and she collapsed to the ground before Josh could grab hold of her.

'Not my baby, not my baby, oh God, oh please, please don't take her away, don't take her away,' Josh picked a shaking Shannon back up and placed his hands on her face.

'We need to be strong for her Shannon, she's a fighter and she won't give up, we can't give up either. She can make it through this I know she can make it through this, she's not going anywhere, she's not,' Josh stated and Shannon looked into his eyes, trying to draw strength from him as she had none of her own left to give.

'Don't you give up on her because I'm not, the love we have for her can get her through this, I know it can. Fight Shannon, you have to fight now,' Shannon wiped the tears off her cheeks again and nodded, a few weeks ago it had been her giving the same pep talk.

She held onto his hand as tight as she could and watched as Caitlin was wheeled out of her room. They followed along behind her bed as she was taken one floor up to the Intensive Care unit, she was placed in another private room and they sat watching her, keeping guard over her and silently praying every moment to try and give her strength. Their little girl had to fight and they were going to try and fight with her.


	17. Chapter 17

**Thanks for the reviews, apologies for leaving the last chapter on such a cliffhanger, I felt guilty so thought I had better update quick before anyone hunted me down! Please keep the lovely reviews coming in, or negative ones, all feedback is very much appreciated. I've tried to keep this medically accurate but I am not a doctor so I might have got some things wrong, apologies if I have. Short update again, well, shortish!**

Chapter Seventeen

Josh stroked Shannon's hair as he watched her sleep for the first time in days. She'd finally closed her eyes and succumbed to the rest that she needed so badly. The dark rings around her eyes were testament to her tiredness and her grief, he wanted to take her pain away but he couldn't, the only thing that would help either of them was Caitlin recovering and living a normal life. If they lost her, life would never be the same for either of them, nor would it be the same for his father who had been here ever since Josh had called him after Caitlin had been moved to Intensive Care.

Shannon had also called her mother but the bitch hadn't showed up. Her grandchild was fighting for her life, possibly taking her last breaths and she couldn't be bothered to come and see her, she wasn't a Christian at all, she was just a vile excuse for a human being.

Caitlin was now under heavy sedation while high doses of antibiotics were pumped through her body to fight off the infection which had taken hold of her. She'd had two blood transfusions to try and flush the infection out of her system but so far her condition remained the same. She hadn't opened her eyes in just over two days and the more time that passed, the bleaker things looked.

They were all praying for a miracle and trying as hard as they could to remain strong but it was hard, to watch someone so young and so full of life slip away before their very eyes was the most painful experience all of them had ever been through.

Phil had seen plenty of death in his time out on the Bering Sea, he'd seen men drown, he'd seen men disappear over the side of a boat never to be seen again but nothing, nothing was as heart wrenching and gut churning as this. Just a few days ago he'd been joking with her, telling her all about crab farts and how she was going to come out on the boat with him when she was better, her eyes had lit up, she'd been so happy and now, now he might never get the chance to talk to his beautiful granddaughter ever again.

He watched his eldest son as he sat stroking Shannon's hair, a few weeks ago he would have been bothered by the scene but not now. He realised that they needed each other, Josh needed Shannon as much as Shannon needed Josh. His son would not cope losing Caitlin and losing Shannon as well. She wasn't a bad woman, he'd been so angry with her for so long because of what she'd done to Josh but he'd forgotten how young she was, how scared she must have been when she found out that she was pregnant. The past ten years hadn't been easy for her, he'd been a fool to think they had been, when he watched them together he could see that they both still loved each other, he had no right to stand in their way if they chose to make a go of things again.

Right now though, they were all united together for Caitlin, for the little girl who was the most important person in all their lives. She was strong, so very strong, the doctor had already said that it was a miracle that she had made it through the past couple of days and that gave them hope. If she could somehow feel their love, if she could gather strength from them then she would make it through, they all had to believe that.

Josh watched as a nurse came out of Caitlin's room, there was always someone with her at all times now, checking her temperature and changing her IV constantly, the nurse looked between he and Phil and signalled that one of them could go in to see her for a little while.

Phil remained in his seat and nodded at Josh, he was her father, he should be the one at her side since her mother was having a well needed rest. Josh slowly got up from his chair, he didn't want to wake Shannon, she needed to sleep and try to get some of her energy back for now.

He crept into Caitlin's room and took a seat alongside her bed, taking her warm hand in his he struggled to keep it together. She had so many tubes surrounding her, so many wires, she shouldn't be here, she should be out having fun with her friends, not fighting for her life, she was an innocent child, why did she have to suffer like this when so many fucking evil people in the world were out having the time of their fucking lives?

'Hey honey, daddy's here sweetie, mommy and grandpa are outside too, we're all here for you baby, we all want you to open your eyes and come through this. We need you to come through this baby because none of us want to lose you, we can't lose you…' Josh stopped talking as he tried to fight back tears which seemed determined to fall. What could he say? What could he do to make her wake up and look at him?

'You know, you asked a few weeks ago if your mom still loved me didn't you? I can't answer for her but I have an answer for you, I love your mom so much Caitlin. I've always loved her, even when she left I never gave up hope of finding her again, of marrying her and building a home, it's what I always wanted and I think you want it too. So, I need you to wake up and I need you to team up with me so we can persuade your mom to give me another chance, you know she won't say no to you, no one could say no to you, I sure as hell can't!' Josh laughed as he reached up to her forehead with his spare hand to stroke it. 'I used to think about what our kids would look like, a weird thing to think about I know but I did. You're so much more beautiful than I ever thought a daughter of mine could be, you look so much like your mom, I want you to wake up so you can start bringing guys home to meet me, so I can kick their asses and tell them to treat you right or I'll beat their ass into the ground. I want to watch you grow up Caitlin, I want to see you play soccer, I want to walk you down the aisle one day, you can fight this baby I know you can. I know it's hard and I know you're in pain but you can't give up you have so much to live for, you have so much to do. Please Caitlin, please get through this, I love you so much, we all love you so much, life just wouldn't be anything without you, please sweetie, please…'

Josh buried his head against her little hand, his dam had broken. He'd tried to be strong but he couldn't stop himself from crying, seeing her look so sick and fragile was just too much for him to bear. He would do anything to swap places with her, anything at all. He cried for what seemed like hours but it was only a few minutes, he was about to pull his head up from her hand when he felt something brush against his cheek. He sat completely still as he felt the movement again, Caitlin's fingers were moving against his cheek.

His head jerked up from her hand and he sat completely still as he watched his daughter's eyes beginning to flicker open.

'NURSE!' He shouted across the room to the nurse who was busy writing something down on Caitlin's chart and she immediately came over to the bed then rushed out of the room.

When her eyes were fully open Josh watched in amazement as a smile formed on her face.

'Hi baby, you're gonna be fine sweetie, you're gonna be okay,' Josh gripped her hand tightly and watched as his little girl reached up with her free hand and pulled the oxygen mask off her face for just a second.

'We're a team right?'

She smiled before putting the mask back on and Josh couldn't help but laugh.

'Yep, we are a team sweetie so you'd better keep fighting to get yourself out of this hospital so we can go to work on your momma okay?' Caitlin smiled and nodded as Josh placed kisses against her hand, he knew that if anything was to get his daughter to fight it would be the thought of her parents getting together again.

It was clear to him that she wanted nothing more than the two of them together again and Josh wanted the same thing. After a few minutes, Josh was ushered out of the room as Clare, her primary doctor came in to examine her.

When he got outside, Phil and Shannon were both standing outside the room waiting for news, he could see that Shannon was shaking and she looked like she was about to pass out, she obviously thought that something bad had happened.

'She's awake baby, our little girl's awake,' Josh smiled at her and for the first time in a long time a smile appeared on Shannon's face.

'Oh Josh!' Shannon fell forward into Josh's arms as relief and complete joy spread through her, when she'd seen the nurse run out of the room she was sure that Caitlin had given up the fight, she'd been expecting Josh to come out and tell her that their little girl had passed away but now, for the first time in days, there was hope.

The three of them waited outside Caitlin's room to speak to Clare, Shannon was delighted that she was awake but she knew that Caitlin still had a very long way to go in her battle against the cancer in her body. Clare examined Caitlin for what seemed like hours before she came out of the room to speak to them.

'You've got yourselves a very tough little girl,' she smiled happily as she walked out of the room. 'The antibiotics and the transfusions seem to have done the trick, her temperature is still a little high but it's come down considerably over the past few hours. There's still a long way to go but she seems to be over the worst now, there's still a chance that she may develop another infection so we need to be extremely careful and keep an eye on her but for now, things are looking up, really looking up,' Clare smiled.

The three of them thanked her before she left them alone, Shannon was taken by surprise by Phil when, after the doc had left, he pulled her into a hug. Ever since he'd been here he had been snapping at her or glaring at her, it made her extremely happy that he seemed to be softening towards her, it also made Josh happy to see his father making an effort with the woman who, he hoped, would one day be his wife.

'She'll be out on the boat with us before you know it,' Phil smiled as he pulled Josh into a hug, he knew that there was a long way to go and many more sleepless nights ahead but this was a big step in the right direction.

'Yeah, maybe you can come with us too Shannon, it'll be nice for you to see the boat again…' Josh stopped as his father looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

'What do you mean 'again'? When have you been on the boat?' Phil looked at her and Shannon felt a blush creep over her skin, probably giving the game away to Phil.

'Josh might have taken me there once to have a look around, it was all innocent though,' Shannon replied as Josh nodded.

'Yeah totally innocent,' he agreed as Phil looked between them.

'Yeah, I'm sure it was. I just hope that your little tour didn't include MY stateroom Joshua,' he tried not to smirk, he knew damn well that the two of them had been up to no good on the boat but he wanted to watch them squirm.

'Oh fuck no, we would never do anything like that would we Shannon?'

'No, definitely not, um, I need the toilet, be back in a sec!' Shannon left before she could get grilled any further, she was hardly going to admit that Josh had taken her virginity in his stateroom, he was being nice to her again, she didn't want to ruin things.

Josh watched as Shannon walked away and smirked at his father.

'You totally know about me taking your keys don't you?' He asked and his dad nodded.

'I might be old but I'm not fucking stupid, the dumb fucking smirk on your face when you came home that night gave the game away, dumbass,' Phil chuckled before patting his son on the back. 'I have a feeling that everything is gonna be okay Joshua, everything is gonna be fine.'


	18. Chapter 18

**Thank you SO much for the reviews! Fair warning, this is a LONG and emotional flashback chapter. I think it's important to go back to this part as I hope it gives you all a better understanding into Shannon and Josh's mind set when the pregnancy bombshell was dropped. As always, I would love to see your reviews, I hope the chapter isn't too long and too boring for you. Thanks as always! :)**

Chapter Eighteen

**Flashback**

For the third morning in a row she had woken up at six am to puke her guts up. At first she thought that she had some sort of bug but now, she was beginning to think that it was something much more than just some minor bug or stomach upset. Her period had been due over two weeks ago and it hadn't arrived, at the time it hadn't worried her, occasionally she did skip periods, especially if she was under a lot of stress so missing one wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Now however, she was worried, very fucking worried.

She and Josh had been having sex on a regular basis ever since she'd lost her virginity to him just over five months ago. They'd used protection every single time but condoms could split, using one wasn't necessarily going to prevent pregnancy. She was meant to be going over to Josh's place today to spend some time with him but that would have to wait, she had to find out if she was pregnant or not.

She would have to drive out of town, if she bought a pregnancy test here there was every chance that someone would see her and she couldn't risk that happening. She might be worrying for absolutely nothing and she did not want her mother finding out that she wasn't the good little virgin that she thought she was. Her mother had been questioning her more and more about her activities recently, she was almost certain that she knew that she was sexually active but she hadn't asked her outright just yet. If she was caught buying a pregnancy test then her mom would go completely crazy, pre-marital sex was a big no-no and if she was pregnant she was pretty sure that her mom would kick her out onto the street.

Even though it was still early, after she'd finished cleaning herself up she jumped straight into the shower and then went and got dressed. The sooner she got the test and took it the better, if she was pregnant she could then tell Josh today and they could talk about it and decide what to do.

She was scared, of course she was fucking scared, she was seventeen years old and she hadn't graduated High School yet, how the hell was she going to cope if she was pregnant? How was Josh going to react? I mean she loved him and yes she wanted a life with him which did include having his kids but they were both so young, neither of them had great jobs, they didn't even have their own place to live, what the hell would they do?

Even so, there was a small part of her which was weirdly excited at the prospect of being pregnant with Josh's child. She loved him, she loved him so fucking much and the thought of bringing his baby into the world made her smile a little, not because she wanted to 'trap' him or force him to marry her but because she loved him.

After she dressed herself and had grabbed her purse, she quietly opened her bedroom door and tiptoed down the stairs, the last thing that she needed right now was an argument with her mother which was bound to happen if she woke up and caught her creeping out of the house so early in the morning. Thankfully, she managed to get out of the house without alerting her mother and she got into her car and backed out of the drive, making her way across town to find somewhere to buy the test that she needed.

She drove for an hour before she found a small pharmacy that was open. Before she left the car she looked around just to check that there was no one that she knew hiding out anywhere but the coast seemed to be clear. She got out of the car and kept her head down, walking into the pharmacy as quickly as she could and walking around until she found what she was looking for. She was surprised by how many different tests they had in store, she had no idea which one would be the best but she wasn't about to ask anyone for their advice so she picked the most expensive one thinking that that would be the best. She went up to the counter and handed the test over without looking at the clerk, part of her was embarrassed and another part of her was scared that the clerk would somehow recognise her and start asking questions but that didn't happen. She paid for the test and quickly left the store, getting back in her car and driving closer to home to go into her local Starbucks so she could buy herself a coffee and use their toilet to go and take the test.

It was hardly a classy place to do a pregnancy test but she could not take it back home with her, she knew that her mom searched her room on a regular basis so she had no choice but to take the test somewhere that she could dispose of it without her mother finding it. She went inside the store and ordered herself a coffee, the whole time that she sat there drinking it she was shaking a little. In a few minutes she would discover if she was going to be a mom, part of her wanted to call Josh and ask him to come and meet her so he could be here for her but what was the point? If she wasn't pregnant then she would be freaking him out for no reason.

Once she'd finished her coffee, she quickly made her way into the restroom and locked herself in one of the toilets as she pulled the test out of the paper bag that she had put in her jacket pocket. She read the instructions on the back before she sat on the toilet and peed on the stick. She remained seated on the toilet and looked down at the test, waiting for a result to appear. The instructions said that it would take a couple of minutes for the test to show a result but within thirty seconds, two blue lines appeared.

She was pregnant with Josh's baby, she had a human life growing inside of her, she didn't know what to feel. She was scared, happy, frightened, sad, terrified, she was feeling so many different things at the same time. How the hell was Josh going to react when she told him? Was he going to blame her for this? If she'd gone on the pill then this wouldn't be happening but because she was under eighteen going on the pill without her mother's consent was virtually impossible. Her doctor had wanted her to go on the pill at fourteen to regulate her periods but her mother had freaked out and refused. Maybe they shouldn't have started having sex in the first place until they were eighteen and she could get on the pill but neither of them could wait, why should they have waited when they loved each other?

He loved her, she knew that he loved her, surely that meant that he would be happy, scared but happy. They'd talked about kids before and she knew that Josh wanted to be a father, okay it was going to happen a lot sooner than they'd planned but they could cope, she could quit school and go full-time at her job to get some money together before the baby was born and things would be okay, it would all be okay because he loved her and if he loved her then he would stand by her.

She was in a daze, after spending a few minutes trying to get herself together she put the pregnancy test back in her bag and left the restroom and went back out to her car where she sat for a few minutes before she decided to just go for a drive to try and calm herself down a bit. It was too early for her to go over and see Josh so she needed to waste some time, she could go back to her house but her mom would be awake by now and she didn't want to see her, the only person that she needed and wanted to see was Joshua.

She drove around in circles, she didn't know where to go and she didn't really know what to do. Having a baby would change her whole life, it would change Josh's life but the thought of having a termination made her feel sick. It's not that she disagreed with abortion, it just wasn't something that she felt she could do. She loved Josh and this baby was a product of their love for one another, she was sure that Josh would take care of her, that he would love her and love their baby even though they were both so young.

After driving around aimlessly for a couple of hours she couldn't wait any longer, she had to speak to Josh and tell him that they were having a baby. Her stomach began to churn as she pulled up outside his house, it was just past nine in the morning and as soon as she knocked on the door she knew that whoever answered would be asking why she was there so early. She decided to make up some bullshit about having an argument with her mom, they'd believe that as everyone in town knew that her mother was a fucking nut.

She dragged herself out of the car and gripped her bag in her hands, before she could even knock on the front door it opened and out walked a shirtless Josh with a stupid grin on his face.

'Couldn't wait a couple more hours to see me huh?' He smirked as Shannon walked over to plant a kiss on his thick lips.

'I need to talk to you in private,' she sighed, as soon as she spoke Josh knew that something was wrong, her voice was shaky and she looked terrible.

'Is something wrong?' He asked as he ran his fingers across her cheek.

'Can we go up to your room?' Josh nodded and walked inside the house, his heart began to race as he wondered what the hell was wrong.

He led Shannon upstairs and into his room, closing and locking his bedroom door behind them as she took a seat on his bed and waited for him to sit down alongside her. He took one of her hands in his and waited for her to speak after a couple of minutes of silence she worked up the courage to tell him her news.

'I'm pregnant Joshua,' his head began to spin as he tried to take in the news that Shannon had just given him. She was pregnant, he was going to be a father.

He was seventeen, she was seventeen, neither of them had graduated from High School, neither of them had good jobs or a home to bring up a baby but why did he feel happy despite all this?

He loved Shannon with all his heart and the thought of having a baby with her made him smile but then, reality set in.

She had brains, she had dreams, she wanted to be a doctor, it was something that she talked about so much. She wanted to go to college and make something of herself, if she had their baby he knew that she would give all that up to look after their baby because that's the kind of person she was, she would sacrifice her life, her dreams, to work some shitty little job to make a better life for their child, how could he let her do that when she had so much potential?

'Josh? Say something, please talk to me,' Shannon gripped his hand and waited to hear him say that everything would be okay. They were young but they could do this, they could bring up a baby and stay together because they loved each other.

'I um, I better go get the phonebook and make some calls,' Josh announced as he got up from his bed. It killed him to act like this but he was doing this for her, he was doing this so she could be who she'd always wanted to be.

'What do you mean by 'make some calls'?' Shannon asked, surely he couldn't be talking about phoning clinics? Not Josh, he loved her, he wouldn't want her to get rid of their baby, would he?

'We can't have a baby Shannon, we're too young. We can go together and sort this out then we can move on together, what can we realistically offer a child Shannon? You work at a Pizza Parlour and I work at a fast food joint, we can barely afford to look after ourselves let alone a baby, you know a termination is the right thing to do,' Shannon's heart all but broke on the spot, he didn't want her to have his baby.

She was so sure that he would be happy, scared but happy, she never thought that he would want her to get rid of their baby, he was supposed to love her, how could he want her to go through something so painful and difficult? She looked at him, almost begging him to change his mind, if he didn't want her to have the baby then how could she bring the child up on her own? Her mother would kick her out, she didn't make enough money to take care of herself and a baby, if Josh wouldn't stand by her then an abortion was her only choice.

'I'll um, go make some calls, don't worry about money or anything, I can take care of it,' Josh announced before he left the room.

As soon as he closed the door on her he felt the tears began to pool in his eyes, was he really doing the right thing? They were so young but he would do anything for her, he would do anything for their baby, would having a child really ruin her future as much as he thought it would?

'What's Shannon's car doing outside?' Josh jumped as his father appeared from his room, he looked pretty pissed.

'She uh, she came over early, had an argument with her mom and she needed to get away, you know what Julia's like,' Josh lied, if he told his father the truth then he would hit the fucking roof.

'Well you can get her out of your bedroom now, I don't mind her being in there when none of us are here but you are not having sex with Jake in the house…'

'We're not planning on having sex dad so calm the fuck down okay? We've got shit to do,' Josh huffed as he pushed past his father who pulled him back.

'Oh and what shit are you planning on doing then huh? I know you're having sex Josh, don't even try to pretend that you're not, I just hope that you're wrapping your shit up because the last thing you need right now is a baby!'

Josh looked at his dad and for a second, he wanted to come clean but he chickened out. A termination truly was the best thing for everyone, especially Shannon, when they were older, when they were settled, they could have kids but not now.

They were just too young to have a baby.

**Two Days Later**

Shannon and Josh sat in the waiting room of the Planned Parenthood Clinic that Josh had found a few hours away from their home town. They couldn't go to the one closest to home, someone could spot them and their secret would be all over the school.

Josh reached over and took Shannon's hand in his. She didn't look at him, she couldn't look at him right now, she was just dead inside. Her mother had been right all along and she had been too blind to see it, Josh wanted her for sex, the promise ring, the 'I love yous' they meant nothing at all. She'd given him his heart, she truly believed that he loved her and she had been so fucking stupid.

She didn't want to do this, every fibre of her being was telling her to get the fuck out of here and run away as fast as she could but what choice did she have? She was too much of a pussy to tell her mother the truth and she wasn't strong enough to bring up a baby on her own.

'Miss Andrews?' Shannon looked up and saw a middle aged woman standing at the doorway of one of the rooms down the little hallway.

She stood up and Josh did the same as they walked towards her. Her legs were shaking, she felt like she was about to throw up everywhere as she got closer and closer to the woman who was stood waiting for her with a little smile on her face. Why the fuck was she smiling at her? This wasn't a happy moment, this was the worst moment of her fucking life and she was smiling?

She went into the room and Josh followed behind her, his heart was racing and everything was telling him that this was wrong but Shannon seemed to want to go ahead with it, he wasn't going to stop her.

'First things first, my name is Lauren and you're first name is Shannon isn't it?' Shannon nodded as Lauren continued to smile at her, why was she still fucking smiling?

'Now Shannon, have you been to your doctor to have him examine you and confirm the pregnancy?' She shook her head fiercely and began to panic.

'I can't go to the doctor, my mom will find out if I do…'

'Honey it's okay,' Laura leaned over and patted her hand, 'I can examine you here, we don't need to let your doctor know about this okay?'

Shannon smiled a little, she'd expected to be treated like a piece of meat, like a scumbag because she was here to kill her baby.

'I will need you to wait outside,' Laura looked at Josh who in turn looked at Shannon who nodded at him, what was the point in him being here? His part in this sordid affair was done, his seed was sewn and now she had to take care of the rest.

As soon as Josh left the room, Laura took her by surprise by holding her hand.

'Now that he's gone, I think the two of us can talk a little more openly don't you?'

'Thhere's nothing to talk about,' Shannon stuttered, she just wanted to get this over with and go home.

'Honey, I see a lot of girls come into this place, a lot of them are younger than you and I know a scared, frightened girl when I see one, you're shaking honey. You know there's a lot of help out there for girls like you, if you didn't want to end the pregnancy you wouldn't be alone…'

'Yes I would! My boyfriend's made it pretty clear that he doesn't want a baby and my mom, oh God my mom, she would kick me out and I'd have nowhere to go,' Shannon tried to fight back the tears that had been threatening to fall ever since Josh had told her that he didn't want her to have their baby.

'Well, let me examine you first of all so we can see how far along you are and then we can talk about this a little more okay?' Shannon sighed but nodded, the more they talked the higher the chances were that she would change her mind.

She hopped up on the examination table in the corner of the room and lay there waiting for Laura to examine her.

'Pull your shirt up a little honey, I need to feel your stomach,' she smiled and Shannon did as she was told.

She jumped a little when her cold hands made contact with her stomach. She closed her eyes as Laura pressed against her stomach, she'd made a point of not touching her stomach ever since she'd found out that she was pregnant. If she could feel the baby, if she could feel a little bump there she knew that she wouldn't be able to go through with the termination. She kept trying to convince herself that the thing growing inside her wasn't even a baby yet, it was just a bunch of cells, it didn't have arms, legs, she couldn't think of it as a baby, she had to detach herself to be able to do this.

'Okay, you can sit back down now honey,' Laura announced and Shannon opened her eyes again.

She covered herself back up again and walked over to the seat next to Laura's desk. She found herself asking the question before she'd given herself time to think about what the answer would do to her.

'How far gone am I?'

Laura sat down and looked at her. 'You're about two to three months gone, an ultrasound would be more accurate but if you don't want to go to the doctor, that's all I can tell you.'

Two to three months pregnant, her baby was growing, it wasn't just a mass of cells at all, she was carrying a baby inside her, a baby that had done nothing wrong. She felt the tears rolling down her pale cheeks before she could stop them and as soon as she felt Laura, this stranger's arms wrap around her she lost it completely, she bawled.

She couldn't do this, she just couldn't, she'd never forgive herself if she went ahead and got rid of their baby, she would regret it for the rest of her life.

'Ssshhh honey it's okay, it'll all be okay,' Laura tried to comfort her as she continued to cry against her shoulder.

All she had wanted was for Josh to do this, for him to hold her and tell her that everything would be alright but he hadn't, he'd been so cold towards her and her love for him was now turning to nothing but hate.

'What am I going to do?' She sniffed as she finally began to calm down a little, crying wasn't going to solve anything, she needed to try and figure out just what she was supposed to do.

'The first thing that I would do is tell your mother…'

'No, you don't know what she's like!' Shannon shook her head, fuck knows what her mom would do if she found out about her predicament.

'Shannon, I've seen girls come in here saying the exact same thing as you, I've then seen the girls come back six months later with their mothers in tow coming to thank me for not forcing their girl to have an abortion. Your mother might surprise you, if you are keeping this baby honey she is going to have to know about it at some point.'

'Not if I run away, I've got some money saved up, I could start a new life somewhere…'

'With no job? With no one to look after the baby? Shannon, go home and talk to your mom, if things don't work out then you can come back here and we'll help you out. Your mom might get mad at you, she might yell and scream but I'm sure she loves you and I'm sure she'll want to support you, just give her a chance, one chance.'

Shannon's head was spinning, it had suddenly hit her that she was going to be a mother, in a few months time she would have a baby in her arms, her baby. Josh had already made it pretty clear that he didn't want to be a dad so there was no use in telling him that she couldn't go through with the abortion, Laura was right, she had to tell her mom.

'I guess I'd better go home, the sooner I do this the better right?' Shannon tried to smile but she couldn't, she was terrified and she'd never felt so alone in her entire life. If her mother refused to stand by her then she would have no one other than the baby that she was carrying.

'I want you to come back and see me no matter what happens okay? Just because your boyfriend doesn't want to know, it isn't the end of the world honey, you can do this,' Laura patted her on the back and Shannon thanked her for her advice and support before leaving the room.

She'd been in there for quite some time so she knew that she could fool Josh into thinking that she'd gone ahead with the termination. She walked down the little corridor and back into the waiting area where Josh was waiting for her.

As soon as he saw her he rose to his feet, he began to walk over to her but before he could reach her she walked past him as if she couldn't see him. He knew there and then that he'd lost her, he'd made the wrong choice. He should have held her and told her that everything would be okay, he should have told her the truth, he didn't want her to get rid of their baby, he thought that he was doing the right thing but now everything was ruined. He'd lost his baby and the love of his life in one go and now he'd have to fight to get her back.

He followed Shannon outside and ran to catch up with her, grabbing her hands as he turned her round to look at him.

'It's done Joshua, it's done,' Shannon said as she glanced into his dark brown eyes.

'Shannon I…'

'Don't say anything Josh just don't, just take me home,' Shannon interrupted him, she didn't want to hear what he had to say, she just wanted to be as far away from him as possible. She was hurting so much because she still fucking loved him, she still wanted him to wrap his arms around her and tell her that everything was going to be fine but she knew that he wouldn't. As far as he was concerned she'd done what he wanted her to do.

Josh was close to tears as he watched her walk to his car. What had he done?

**Later That Day**

'Shannon! Shannon! Get down here right now young lady!'

Shannon felt a fresh wave of sickness wash over her as she heard the front door slam and her mother yelling up the stairs. She'd been waiting for a few hours for her to arrive home and the longer she waited the more terrified she became, how the fuck was she meant to tell her that she was pregnant?

'SHANNON!'

'ALRIGHT!'

She got up from her bed and took a deep breath, it was now or never, she had to do this. She opened her bedroom door and walked down the stairs, she could hear her mother slamming drawers and talking under her breath in the lounge. When she appeared at the doorway her mother shot her a filthy look.

'Sit down, NOW!'

Shannon did as she was told, when her mother was like this there was no point in trying to argue back, she just wondered why she was so pissed. Surely she couldn't know?

'I had a call from your principal today asking me WHY you weren't at school? You were off cavorting with that Harris boy weren't you?'

'Mom, please calm down…'

'CALM DOWN? CALM DOWN? If your father were here Shannon…'

'If he were here things wouldn't be such a mess! At least I'd have someone to talk to!'

'Talking to you doesn't do any good now does it? How many times do I have to tell you to stay away from that boy? He's no good Shannon! You've skipped school for him, sneaked out of the house to be with him, can't you see that he's poisoning you? The only man that you should want right now is the Lord…'

'Oh God..'

'That's right Shannon! God!'

'Mom please, it's too late for that!'

'It's never too late to find him Shannon, he can be your saviour!'

'No he can't! He can't save me because it's too fucking late okay? I'm pregnant mom, I'm pregnant!'

Shannon let the words fall from her lips, it wasn't exactly the best way to break the news but there wasn't really a good way to do it. She looked at her mother, hoping that she would show her some love, some hope, she needed her now more than ever.

'I'm pregnant mom and I need your help,' Shannon had never been so scared before, her mother just stood across the room, looking at her like she was the Devil himself.

She was about to get up and leave the room when her mother collapsed into a heap on the floor.

'MOM!'

Shannon ran over to her mother and fell to her knees on the floor as she tried to bring her round. She'd fainted, not a surprise considering how dramatic her mother was. She stayed on the ground with her mother's head in her lap until she began to wake up.

When her eyes were fully open and a few minutes had passed by in complete silence Shannon got up off the floor then helped her mother to her feet before walking her over to the couch to sit her down, taking a seat alongside her in the process.

'I knew this would happen, I knew it, you stupid, stupid girl!'

No sooner had Shannon helped her sit down her mother started on another one of her infamous tirades.

'You just COULDN'T control yourself could you? Why can't you be like Marissa or Heather? They're such beautiful, wonderful, holy girls! And I get stuck with you!'

Shannon felt like crying, she'd always yearned for a mother that loved her, that would show her some compassion but instead she had her, a mother that only cared for herself and her precious fucking God.

'We'll have to move, I can't stay here, not now! What would people think? The whole church would laugh at me, they'd talk behind my back and all because of you and your grubby boyfriend! Go to your room and stay there until I tell you to come down!'

'Mom please…'

'GO TO YOUR ROOM!'

She left, her tears streaming down her face as she fled upstairs and locked herself in her small room. Just a few days ago she'd been so happy, things had been going so well in school and with Josh, everything had been perfect and now her life was coming apart at the seams.

She lay down in her bed and sobbed into one of her pillows which still carried the faint scent of Josh, the smell of him only made her cry even more. Her tears continued long into the night until she just lost the energy to spill anymore.

Instead she lay awake, staring at the ceiling and thinking about what her life would be like as a single mother. For the first time since finding out about her pregnancy, she tentatively ran one of her hands down to her stomach, it didn't feel any different, not yet anyway but knowing that there was a human life growing inside her, just mere inches away from the hand that she'd placed, it made her feel warm inside.

It was going to be tough, very tough, but she had made the right decision. She was going to be the kind of mother that her very own wasn't, she would do anything for the life she was carrying inside her and she would do it all without Josh, no matter how much losing him would hurt.


	19. Chapter 19

**Thanks so much for the positive reviews on the last chapter, I was a bit worried about how you might take it because it was very emotional and a difficult thing for me to write but I thought it was important to include that part of their past in the story to give you all a better understanding on the events that shaped Shannon and Josh's separation. Anyway, enough of me wittering on! Another long chapter ahead, apologies, once I get writing I can't seem to stop! Please keep the reviews coming in as they really inspire me, thanks SO much!**

Chapter Nineteen

**Present Day – One Month Later**

'Daddy stop!'

Shannon sat back in her chair and joined in with the laughter that filled the room as Josh tickled Caitlin, making her cry with laughter. She loved watching the two of them together, they hadn't known each other long but already their bond was sealed. He loved their little girl and Caitlin finally had the father and grandfather that she'd always wanted.

She hadn't felt so happy in a very long time, everything seemed to be going well, almost too well. Caitlin had beaten off the infection that had taken hold of her body and put her at deaths door and on top of that, her new bone marrow was growing and over the past few weeks she'd been getting better every single day. Gone was the sickness, the tiredness, the lack of energy, Caitlin seemed to have a new lease of life and seeing her daughter getting back to her old self again had given her a new lease of life in the process.

'Mommy, did daddy tickle you like this?' Caitlin smiled at her once Josh had finally let up on his attack.

'Oh your daddy knew better than to do that to me honey, I HATE being tickled,' Josh smirked knowing full well that she was lying, he seemed to recall quite a few occasions where he'd tickled her when they were both naked, he could even tickle her with his beard in more intimate places.

'Yeah, you get your tickleishness from your mom,' Shannon shook her head and laughed.

'I think you just totally made up your own word,' Josh smiled when Shannon looked at him. For the first time since they'd met again she looked genuinely happy and relaxed, over the past few weeks they'd grown a lot closer to one another.

They'd both spent most of their time at Caitlin's side and when Shannon had taken the opportunity to leave the hospital and get some rest, she'd gone back to his newly rented place and not her mother's house. She hadn't even spoken to her mother, it seemed like she was completely done with her and Josh was pleased. Her mom had always been a complete fucking bitch to her and now it seemed Shannon had just had enough.

Now that he was here he was determined to make the three of them a family, he'd been thinking about it for weeks but now that he finally had a place to live out here he knew what he had to do, as soon as Caitlin was well enough to get out of the hospital, he wanted both his girls to come and stay with him. That woman who called herself a mother and grandmother didn't deserve to see either of them ever again as far as he was concerned, she'd not been to see Caitlin once since he'd been here, she didn't care for her, if she did she would have put her feelings aside to come and take care of her granddaughter but she couldn't. She called herself a Christian woman but when she died she would be burning in hell for how badly she'd treated the people that she was meant to love and take care of.

'I think I'm gonna go and get something to eat from that deli across the street, do either of you want anything?' Shannon stood up from her seat, she could hear her stomach growling at her and she had a graving for a huge ham and pickle sandwich.

'Nope but I think daddy should go with you, he could probably do with a cigarette, couldn't you daddy?' Caitlin smiled sweetly at Josh who stood up and grinned back at his clever and slightly devious daughter, she was proving to be a damn good teammate.

'You just read my mind honey!' Shannon eyed the pair of them up suspiciously before Josh walked past her and motioned for her to follow him.

They closed the door to her room and began walking down the corridor towards the elevator.

'What are you two up to?' Shannon asked as they reached the elevator and Josh pressed the call button. He turned around and shrugged his shoulders.

'I don't know what you mean,' Josh feigned innocence.

'Oh come on! I've seen the looks, the winks, heard the whispered conversations between the two of you, you are busted dumbo so spill!' Shannon smirked a little as the tips of his ears went red after her insult.

'We're just bonding that's all, there's nothing going on,' Josh smiled as the elevator pinged and the doors opened, he stepped inside first and Shannon followed, 'nothing you need to know about anyway.' Josh winked at Shannon as the elevator doors closed and she responded by lightly punching his arm.

She just felt so comfortable around him, now that Phil had calmed down and backed off they had spent a lot more time together and it was nice, it was more than nice, she felt like she was a teenager all over again. Their friendship and their subsequent relationship had been so intense, spending time with him again just made her feel like the missing part of her puzzle had finally fit together.

When the elevator reached the ground floor Josh held back and allowed Shannon to go out ahead of him, that way he could catch a glimpse of her ass, she was wearing tight white jeans and she looked really fucking hot in them, the urge to reach out and touch her was almost too much to control as he walked behind her and kept staring at her behind.

'Joshua Harris I know you're looking at my ass. Why don't you take a picture of it? It'll last longer,' Shannon couldn't help but smirk as she continued to walk ahead of him. Knowing that he was looking at her gave her a kick, she wasn't all that confident about her body, her mother had made so many jibes about her weight over the years that she could barely stand to look at herself in the mirror, in fact, Josh was probably looking at her ass because it was pretty hard to miss. He was used to Playboy Models and beautiful women now, she was plain in comparison to what he could have.

When they got outside Shannon was about to make her way across the street when Josh pulled her back.

'Sit down with me, I wanna have a cigarette first,' Josh said as he pulled her towards a free bench for them to take a seat.

'I could go across to the deli while you have your cigarette and then we can go back upstairs…'

'Shannon, Caitlin will be fine on her own for ten minutes so stop freaking out okay? What do you think I'm gonna do to you?'

'Sorry, I just feel like I need to be there with her you know? I know that she's doing really well and it's great, it's so fucking great but in the back of my mind, I keep waiting for something bad to happen. It's stupid I know,' Shannon sighed, she couldn't help but shake the feeling that things were just going too well.

'It's not stupid, it's natural. Even when Caitlin, if Caitlin, does fully recover I'll still be worried about her every fucking day. There'll be boyfriends, dates, drinking….Jesus I'll be bald before I hit thirty!'

'You might be bald before you hit twenty nine, your hairs not looking so thick these days,' Shannon teased and watched as Josh ran a hand through his hair deliberately.

'Still plenty there for chicks to grab hold of…not that I plan on letting them do that I mean, things are different now…'

'Josh it's fine. I know you haven't lived like a monk since we've been apart, one search of your name on Google tells me that,' Shannon bit down on her lip, why the fuck did she just say that?

'You googled me?' Josh asked after taking a long drag from his cigarette.

'I wasn't spying on you or doing it regularly, I just, I caught a glimpse of you on TV and I guess my curiosity got the better of me,' she shrugged as she tried to make light of what she'd just said.

'What did you find?' He asked, he had a fair idea about what she would find, he hadn't exactly been discreet about his womanising ways after all.

'Pictures, lots of pictures, you seem to have developed a taste for blonde women with huge tits and small waists,' she replied, failing to hide the tinge of jealousy in her voice as she spoke.

'Yeah well, there's a reason for that,' Josh took one last puff out of his cigarette and dropped it to the ground, smashing his foot down on it to put it out.

'What's the reason?' Shannon asked as she turned to look at him.

'They were the complete opposite of you, that's why,' before she could ask what he meant by that, he got up from his seat and walked away from her, turning when he got to the edge of the sidewalk, 'come on, let's get some food.'

He waited for her to catch up and they walked across the street together without saying another word. He didn't really know how to explain to her what he'd meant by his comment. What was he going to say?

'Yeah Shannon, I fucked blonde, fake, plastic women because I wanted to try and forget about you? I couldn't look at a brunette because everytime I did I would think about you? But even fucking blonde sluts every night of the week didn't help because each time I came, I came thinking about you, imagining I was inside you.' That shit was hardly romantic and he didn't really want to talk about any of his past conquests because to him, none of them mattered.

There was only one person that he wanted to be with, that he wanted in his bed night after night, year after year and that was her. Everything was going so well right now and he didn't want to screw it all up by moving too fast or saying something stupid that would push her away again. He wanted to take it slow and to do things right this time because he couldn't bear to lose her all over again. Losing her once had broken his heart, if it happened again, he didn't know if he would have the strength to go on.

They ordered their food at the deli and waited for it in silence. Shannon was trying to figure out what Josh meant, was it supposed to be a backhanded compliment to her that he'd not fucked around with brunettes or something? She couldn't work it out, she hadn't been with another man because she had never wanted anyone but Josh, the thought of having another man inside her made her feel sick but that didn't mean that Josh should have remained celibate for the past ten years. He'd had far more temptation thrown his way, his lifestyle was such that women would be around him all the time whereas she had spent her nights indoors looking after Caitlin, she'd never had to fend off men. Sure, there'd been a couple of guys interested in her and her mom had tried to set her up on dates with guys from her church but she'd never been interested in seeing anyone else, it wouldn't be fair to date another man when all she could think about was Josh. How could she love anyone else when her heart still belonged to him even after all this time?

'Two ham and pickles to go!'

Josh grabbed their sandwiches from the girl behind the counter and followed Shannon out of the deli and back across the street. They were about to go back into the hospital when Shannon happened to look across to the car-park, she immediately froze as soon as she saw who was coming towards her.

'Shannon, what's wrong?' Josh asked as he saw her face fall, he followed her eyeline and his own face frowned as he saw the woman that he hated walking towards him. 'I'll deal with this.'

Shannon pulled Josh's arm and stopped him from walking past her. 'Don't Josh, I can deal with this, just go back inside and be with Caitlin okay? She'll be wondering where we are,' she smiled as she tried to persuade Josh that she could deal with her mother on her own.

'I don't wanna leave you…'

'Joshua I'm a big girl now, I'll be fine,' Shannon smiled reassuringly.

Josh didn't really want to go but he knew that Shannon had some things to say to her mother, as much as he wanted to get in on the act he could save his words for another time.

Shannon watched as Josh walked away and took a deep breath as she began walking towards her mother. She hadn't seen her in over a month, her mother had said and done some hurtful things in the past but not coming to see Caitlin while she was on her deathbed was the worst thing that she had ever done and Shannon couldn't forgive her for it. She'd stayed loyal to her mother for so long, she felt she owed it to her to stay with her because the last thing her dad said to her before he died was for her to look after her mom. She'd tried, she'd tried so hard to do that but enough was enough, she couldn't take the taunts, the bullying, the lack of love, she just couldn't go on pretending that things were okay when they weren't.

'I see you and your boyfriend are back together again. I'm ashamed of you Shannon Andrews!'

'Mom, for once in your life will you just shut the fuck up?' Shannon snapped.

'How dare you talk to me like that young lady! After everything I've done for you!'

'Oh yeah, you've done SO much mom!' Shannon laughed bitterly as her mother glared at her.

'If any other woman had a fat, ugly, whore of a daughter like you they would have kicked you out on the street a long time ago! This thing you have with that man, it won't last, nothing will ever last because you're poison! Everything and everyone you touch you infect and I've had enough! I left all of yours and Caitlin's things outside, I want you to come and get them before the day is over, if you don't they'll be given to the church. I don't want to see you or her ever again!'

Shannon just stood frozen to the spot as her mother turned and walked away. She was in complete shellshock from what had just happened, her mother was the only person in the world that could take away her joy and make her feel like complete shit after only a few minutes.

She started to walk, she didn't know where she was going or what she was going to do, she just needed to get away from here. Her mother's words replayed in her head, she was poison, everyone that she'd ever loved had either left her or fallen ill and the common denominator in all this was her, it all came back to her.

A Few Hours Later

'Dad! Jesus I've been trying to get hold of you for the past two fucking hours!'

'Sorry but I was out getting some food and I left my phone…'

'It doesn't matter! Just tell me, is Shannon there at the house?' Josh said, he was panicking, really fucking panicking.

She'd disappeared, he knew that he shouldn't have left her with her bitch of a mother, what the fuck had she said to make Shannon leave without a fucking trace? He'd searched for her everywhere, he'd been outside, searched the hospital but he couldn't find her.

'Shannon ain't here, what's happened Josh?' Phil could sense the panic in his son's voice and he immediately thought that something had happened to Caitlin. 'Is Caitlin okay? I'll come over right now!'

'Dad, Caitlin's fine but yeah, you do need to come over here, Shannon's disappeared and I need to try and find her,' Josh sighed heavily down the line, he knew where he needed to go first.

'What do you mean she's disappeared?' Phil asked, fearing that Shannon had run away like she had done once before.

'Her mom turned up and I left them both outside so they could talk, she hasn't been back since and I've looked everywhere for her. That fucking bitch must have said or done something and I need to go see her,' Josh snapped as his anger began to boil inside him.

'Don't do anything fucking stupid Josh okay? I know that bitch can make you mad, I don't want you ending up in jail cos of her,' Phil replied, Julia knew which buttons to press alright, she'd made Josh lose it on more than one occasion in the past.

'I'm not gonna hurt her dad, she just needs to hear a few home truths that's all. Look I gotta go and tell Caitlin where I'm going, I'll call you as soon as I find her,' Josh ended the call, enough time had been wasted already, he needed to find Shannon before she possibly did something stupid.

Sure, she had been a lot happier over the past few weeks but he knew how her mother could change all that so quickly. He was worried about her, really fucking worried, he should never have left her alone with that fucking bitch, he should have stayed at her side and told Julia to fuck off out of their lives for good, he was gonna take care of his girls from now on and Julia had no place in their lives.

He ran back into the hospital after ending the call with his father, he bypassed the elevator and took the stairs instead, by the time he reached Caitlin's room he was struggling to breath. He stood outside for a few minutes trying to calm himself down, he couldn't show Caitlin that he was worried because that would make her panic. When he'd finally managed to get his breath back, he opened the door to her room and stuck a smile on his face.

'Did you find mommy?' Caitlin asked hopefully and Josh shook his head.

'I did call her though, she's not feeling too good honey, the sandwich she ate has given her a bad stomach so she's gone home for a few hours, I need to go and take care of her for a while so Grandpa's gonna come and sit with you, is that alright?' Josh asked his daughter who nodded.

'Grandpa can tell me more fishing stories! And you can try and get mommy to go on a date with you, it's perfect!' She smiled and Josh couldn't help but smile with her, she was so determined to get them back together, Josh just hoped that Shannon hadn't disappeared without a trace, how would he tell Caitlin if she had?

'Alright honey, I'll be back in a little while okay? Grandpa will be here soon, don't get into any trouble while I'm gone,' Josh walked over to her bed and planted a kiss on her forehead before he left her room.

As soon as he shut her door he began to jog back out of the hospital and out to the carpark where his rental car was waiting for him. He drove as fast as he could over to Julia's house, he'd been to the house with Shannon a few weeks ago to pick up some more clothes for her and Caitlin so he knew exactly where he was going.

He reached the house in under fifteen minutes, his anger was bubbling inside him as he got out of the car and walked up the front path to the front door, his mood was made even worse when he reached the porch and he saw dozens and dozens of boxes and bags sitting there. He looked in one of the boxes and found a load of toys, he knew then that Shannon and Caitlin had been thrown out by her mother, what kind of fucking person would do something like this when their granddaughter was still fighting a battle against cancer?

He hammered his fists against the front door, he knew that the bitch was inside, her car was parked in the driveway, he wasn't going to leave without talking to her and telling her exactly what he thought of her.

'I'M CALLING THE POLICE!'

'CALL THEM AND I'LL GO RIGHT TO YOUR PRECIOUS FUCKING CHURCH AND TELL THEM WHAT A FUCKING EVIL, SOULLESS BITCH YOU ARE!' Josh shouted back, he wasn't going to back down, this had been coming for a very long time.

Everything went quiet for a few minutes and Josh was sure that she'd hidden herself somewhere whilst she waited for the police. The sensible thing to do would have been for him to walk away but he couldn't, she might know where Shannon was and he had to find her, he couldn't lose her all over again.

He was about to throw himself at the door to break it down when he heard the lock click, Julia opened the door and stood in front of him with a look of pure hatred flashed across her face.

'Shannon's gone and it's all your fault, what did you say to her?' Josh tried to keep calm as he clenched his fists together.

'I just told her a few truths that's all, it's not my fault if she can't handle the truth,' she sneered, the look on her face made Josh want to just slap her but he couldn't, he'd never put his hands on a woman and he wouldn't give her the satisfaction of seeing him get carted off to jail.

'The truth huh, you and I both know what the truth is Julia. Shannon tried SO fucking hard to win your approval, to win your love and nothing was ever good enough for you was it? No matter what she did there'd always be someone smarter than her, someone more beautiful than her, you all but destroyed your own fucking daughter…'

'I am not listening to such filth!'

She tried to slam the door but he was quicker than her, he put his foot in the way and grabbed the door with his arm as he pushed his way inside the house.

'You're gonna listen to every single fucking word Julia and you're gonna take responsibility for what you did to her! You bullied, you mocked your own fucking daughter, your own flesh and blood, the person that YOU were meant to love and take care of! Is it any wonder that she came to me? That we made love to each other? All she fucking wanted was for YOU to love her Julia and you never have, you never fucking did! The only person that you love is yourself and your precious fucking God! What would God think about someone who abandoned their sick granddaughter when she needed her? What would God think about a woman making their own daughter a complete mess because of the things that you've said and done over the years? You think you're gonna be going to that white palace in the sky? You're gonna BURN in HELL you selfish, cold, evil fucking bitch!' Josh snarled as Julia began to weep.

'If anything has happened to Shannon, it's your fault, you'll have her blood on your hands and you'll never remove it no matter how much you fucking pray or beg for forgiveness! I hope you rot for what you've done, I hope you suffer as much pain as you deserve, you had a beautiful daughter and granddaughter and now you've lost them both because I am NEVER gonna let you come anywhere near them ever again, they're MY girls now and I'm gonna do what you never did, I'm gonna protect them and give them all the love they need.'

Josh watched as the pathetic bitch fell to the floor in tears, she was right, the truth really did fucking hurt and he hoped it caused her pain for the rest of her sorry life.

He closed the door on her and made his way back to the car, he'd said everything that he needed to say, now he had to try and find his Shannon.


	20. Chapter 20

**Thanks for the reviews! I hope this chapter helps to explain why Shannon left, I know her mother is a complete bitch and some of you will find it hard to believe that a mother and grandmother could act like that but sadly, some do. Bit of an emotional chapter ahead again, please review as always, thanks :)**

Chapter Twenty

Her feet were throbbing inside her calf length leather boots, she'd walked for miles without stopping and she'd definitely come to the conclusion that these boots weren't made for walking. She couldn't walk much further, she felt light headed and in need of a drink of water or something except there was nothing around here except houses, just rows and rows of houses.

She had no idea where she was, her head was still in a spin after the confrontation with her mother. Why hadn't she just walked away when she started spouting her bile? Why hadn't she just told her to fuck off and leave her alone? Why was she so fucking pathetic and weak?

Most people wouldn't understand why her mother was so horrible to her, even she didn't understand. When Caitlin had been born she thought that it would be a turning point, a change in their relationship but it wasn't. Her mother was ashamed of her and ashamed of Caitlin and she couldn't understand why. Sure, she'd had sex before marriage and fallen pregnant but she hadn't killed anyone in cold blood.

She'd tried so hard to please her mother, she'd tried to win her love but nothing that she did was good enough for her. Her mother just wasn't maternal at all, she probably should have never had children because the only person that she loved was herself. She hadn't even loved her father all that much, she'd heard the rows between them, the fights that went on until the early hours of the morning as she lay in bed cowering under the covers.

Her mother had pushed her father to the edge but yet he still loved her, how could he love someone that was so cold? She'd tried so hard to love her, to make excuses for her behaviour but there were no more excuses left now, there was nothing left.

Her father had died, her mother hated her, she'd broken Josh's heart and her baby girl had cancer, everyone that she loved she hurt. It all came back to her.

She hadn't meant to leave the hospital, to leave her little girl but hearing her mother's words, she'd had to get away. She needed some time alone, some time to think about where their lives were heading.

Now that Josh was back in their lives she didn't know what was going to happen. She loved him so much but she was too scared to tell him, she was scared of being rejected again, her mother didn't want her so why would Josh? Why would he choose her when he could have any woman that he wanted?

She had nothing to offer him, she had no job, no home, no money, no nothing. All she had was Caitlin and if he wanted to he could take her away, he had the means to look after their daughter, she had nothing. She could barely take care of herself right now let alone their precious girl.

When her feet and body finally couldn't take anymore she collapsed against a fence, unzipping her boots so that her feet could get some much needed air. When she had removed them she looked down at her feet to see them covered in a thin layer of blood. She just sighed and leaned back against the fence, she would have to wait until she gathered enough energy to walk again or until someone came to save her.

'Has she turned up at the hospital?' Josh yelled down his cellphone as he continued to drive slowly around the streets near the hospital, he had been searching for Shannon for nearly two hours and as each minute passed he started to get more concerned.

'No she hasn't and Caitlin is starting to ask questions, maybe you should call the cops and have them help?'

'There's no fucking point dad, they won't get involved unless she's been gone for twenty four hours or more. I'll find her, she's not done anything stupid, she wouldn't, I know her,' Josh slammed the lid down on his phone and threw it into the passenger's seat.

No matter what she was going through he knew that she wouldn't run away or take her own life, she would never put Caitlin through that pain but if she was wandering the streets on her own, someone else could hurt her, that's what worried him the most.

He knew from past experience how much her mother could get to her. He'd held her in his arms enough times as she had cried after another one of her mother's insults had chipped away at her already fragile self-esteem but no matter what her mother said or did, she'd always gone back to her out of loyalty. She'd promised her dad that she'd look after her, that they would look after each other and her love for her father had made her keep her promise to him even though she got hurt in the process.

She could have stayed in Seattle with him and he could have loved her and Caitlin right from the very beginning had he not been such a fucking fool. They could be married by now, they could have more than one child, he could have skipped the partying and sleeping around with women that he didn't give a shit about had she stayed with him. Now here he was, searching streets that he didn't know looking for the woman he loved and praying that she was safe, he couldn't lose her again, he just couldn't.

Shannon could feel her eyes beginning to close as day turned to night. It would be pitch black soon and she had no idea how to get back home or how to get back to the hospital. She had no money either and no phone, she'd left that at the hospital next to Caitlin's bed. She knew she had to start walking again, she didn't want to stay here all night, she had to find somewhere, a café or a bar, just somewhere.

She squeezed her feet back into the boots that had caused her so much pain and winced as she got back up on her feet. She was about to start walking when a car screeched to a halt on the road, she was all but ready to dive over the fence to duck for cover when he got out of the car.

Josh had been searching for just over three hours without success. It was getting pretty dark and that made searching for her even harder but he wasn't going to give up until he found her and brought her home. He turned up another street that he didn't recognise and slowly drove along, looking at every person passing and probably scaring the hell out of them.

He was about to make a right turn onto another street when something caught his eye straight ahead. There was a woman sitting on the sidewalk outside someone's house. He put his foot down on the accelerator and drove on ahead just in time to watch her get to her feet, relief spread through him when he saw that the person he had been looking at was Shannon.

He didn't even take the keys out of the ignition, he just opened the door and ran out to go and get her.

'Oh God Shannon!' Shannon closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his shoulders as Joshua embraced her.

'Please don't do that again, I thought something bad had happened to you,' Josh sighed into her hair as he cradled her in his arms.

'I'm so sorry, I just needed some time alone, I wasn't thinking straight, I should have told you before I went off like that. I didn't mean to worry you, I'm just so fucking stupid at times!' Shannon scalded herself as she pulled away from Josh.

'Hey you're not stupid, you're the smart one I'm the dumb one. Let's just get you back home, you're freezing,' Josh said as he took one of her ice cold hands in his and began to pull her towards the car.

They both got inside and Josh called Phil right away to let him know that Shannon was okay. Caitlin was sound asleep but Phil volunteered to stay with her through the night, he seemed to know that Josh needed to have a private talk with Shannon about what was going on.

Shannon remained silent as Josh drove them home, it was only when they pulled up outside his house that she remembered what her mother had said to her earlier about their stuff being left outside.

'Josh I need to go around to my mom's place,' Shannon said just before he turned off the engine.

'Why would you wanna go and see that fucking bitch?' Josh asked as Shannon looked away from him.

'Because she has my stuff, she has Caitlin's stuff too and as of today, we are no longer wanted at her place. I need to go and pick everything up Josh…'

'You don't need to pick anything up Shannon, it's already been done,' Josh smiled and put his hand on top of hers.

'But how did you know?' Shannon asked and she immediately began to panic when she thought about what Josh might have done. 'Please tell me you haven't hurt her? I know I hate her but I don't want you to get in any trouble because of her…'

'I haven't laid a finger on her, you know I wouldn't do that. I might have told her a few things that she didn't want to hear but she's fine, in the physical sense anyway,' Josh replied.

'How did you manage to get all our stuff? There must have been a fair few boxes waiting outside and they wouldn't fit in this thing,' Shannon looked around the car which would barely be big enough to fit a few boxes inside.

'I called a friend of a friend, he owns a haulage company here and he took a van round to pick up your stuff, everything should be on the porch waiting for you,' Josh smiled as Shannon tucked some hair behind her ear and smiled back at him.

'I don't know how I can thank you for everything you've done, the transplant, finding me, now this. I promise I won't be under your feet for long, I can find a job and…'

'We should talk about this inside Shannon, it's getting cold out here and I could do with a drink or three,' Josh stepped out of the car, leaving Shannon to wonder whether she had gone too far by suggesting that she would be living with them for a while, maybe Josh didn't want her to stay here? After all, she had no money coming in to pay rent, she had no savings that she could tap into, she had nothing to give him.

Shannon stepped out of the car just a minute or so after Josh, when she got to the front porch she found box after box of her and Caitlin's things waiting to be taken inside.

Josh had already started lifting boxes into the house, he had no fucking idea where he was going to put them all, the place wasn't exactly big and there were only two bedrooms here. When Caitlin came home he would have to look for a bigger place but for now this place would do.

'Uh uh, put that down, I can handle this,' Josh took a box off Shannon as he reached the front porch and she rolled her eyes at him.

'Josh I'm not weak, I can carry a few boxes without hurting myself you know,' she grinned before taking the box back and pushing past him to carry it inside.

Josh just shook his head and allowed her to give him a hand, at least with both of them working the boxes would be shifted that much quicker and that meant that they would have more time to sit down and talk to each other. He had to know why she'd disappeared earlier, she'd had to be forced to leave Caitlin's bedside before to take some rest, it wasn't like her to just leave without saying a word. He was worried about her state of mind, she'd seemed fine recently but she could have been putting on a brave face, she was fucking good at doing that, pretending that things were fine when they weren't. Then again, he was pretty good at doing that too, after she'd left him he stuck on a smile and partied hard with his friends, pretending that he was loving the single life again when inside he was falling apart.

It took them twenty minutes to bring all thirty boxes inside and pile them up in the hall and lounge, Josh was amazed at how much stuff both his girls had, how the fuck could women have so much shit? When everything was done, Josh opened the liquor cabinet and poured them both a vodka topped up with cranberry juice, he sat down on the couch next to Shannon before handing her the glass and raising his own to make a toast.

'Here's to you moving in with the Harris men, I wish you good luck baby!' Josh smirked as he touched his glass against hers before taking a sip and putting it down on the table in front of them.

'Oh so, you don't mind me staying here for a while? I mean, I know I've slept over a couple of times but moving all my stuff in and…'

'Shannon, it's fine, it's more than fine, I'm really happy that you're here,' Josh smiled and he noticed her cheeks beginning to flush, he'd always found that so fucking cute and he still did.

'You know, I don't have money or anything Josh, I gave up my job to look after Caitlin when she got sick, I was kinda relying on my mom for help with money and stuff but I can get a job, I can't live here for free and I don't expect you to look after me,' Shannon was embarrassed, she was twenty eight years old and she had nothing to her name, Josh probably thought she was a complete fucking loser.

'I don't want money Shannon, I just want my girls here with me, I want to take care of you, both of you,' Josh said quietly, he just hoped that he wasn't saying too much or taking things too far too soon.

'What about your life though Josh? I mean it's not going to sound good to a potential girlfriend is it? 'Oh, come home and meet my ex-girlfriend and the child I have with her, they're both living with me!'. I don't wanna cramp your style…'

'You won't be cramping my style and there's no potential girlfriends to scare off, I told you, I'm done with fucking around, I want to settle down,' Josh moved a little closer to her and he felt her shiver as his leg touched hers.

'What are you saying Joshua?' Shannon daren't let herself hope that he was talking about settling down with her, surely he couldn't mean her, the girl who'd broken his heart and kept him away from his daughter for ten years.

'I'm saying that when Caitlin comes home, I'll have everything, everyone that I want right here, everything,' Josh let his hand travel up to Shannon's face, her skin was still so fucking soft and smooth, he was aching to just pick her up and take her upstairs to make love to her but he knew that it was too soon, he didn't want to rush this, he wanted to take his time and let her know just how much he loved her, how much he needed her.

'I'm scared that I'll hurt you Joshua,' Shannon closed her eyes and pressed her forehead against his, she loved him so much, too much.

'What do you mean baby? You could never hurt me….'

'But I did hurt you Joshua!' Shannon jumped up off the couch, spilling her drink everywhere in the process. 'I broke your heart! Your dad told me what you were like when I left, I caused you all that pain! I hurt everyone I love Joshua, if I were you I would just go out and find someone else, someone that won't fuck your life up because I'm poison…'

'NO!' Josh got up from the couch and walked over to Shannon, grabbing her waist and pulling her close to him and she struggled in his grip. 'Stop it Shannon, just fucking stop! This is your mom talking, not you! She's made you think like this! You're not poison and I don't wanna go out and find anyone else, I've tried Shannon, I've tried sleeping with other women, going on dates and pretending that I'm happy and I can't, I can't fucking do it! I want you, I need you, I love you Shannon, I love YOU and I can't change that, I don't want to change that.'

Josh pulled her hair back so he could see her beautiful face, the face that had haunted his dreams for so long and now she was here, back in his arms again.

'I'm so glad I found you again Joshua, I've never stopped thinking about you, I've never stopped loving you. I should never have left, I should have told you about Caitlin, I fucked up so badly..' Shannon shuddered as Josh pressed one of his long fingers against her lips and looked into her eyes.

'That's all in the past, this is the future, our future. We take things slow and steady, though if we tell Caitlin she'll want us to get married tomorrow!' Josh chuckled as Shannon buried her head against his neck, his arms wrapped around her as he kissed the top of her head.

'I love you so much my darling.'

'I love you too my flower, more than you'll ever know.'


	21. Chapter 21

**Thank you all so much for the reviews, I apologise in advance because again this is a long chapter, I just can't seem to stop writing once I get going, I just hope I don't waffle on too much! Here's another update for this beautiful weekend, I hope you all enjoy and please review! :)**

Chapter Twenty One

Shannon stirred against Josh's chest as he started to stroke her long, curly brown hair. He was tired but he didn't want to sleep, he just wanted to look at her. He'd dreamt about this moment for so long, he had her back in his arms and this time he was gonna make sure that she stayed there.

He lay completely still for hours as she slept against his chest, he couldn't take his eyes off her, he was mesmerized by her beauty, by every single inch of her.

When light started to pour through the small opening in the curtains Josh was disappointed, he knew she would wake up soon and then he'd have to let go of her when all he wanted to do was hold onto her forever.

Shannon had enjoyed such a good night's sleep, she hadn't slept so peacefully in a very long time. In his arms she felt safe, she felt loved and she had yearned for that feeling ever since they'd parted ways. Now she had it back again, she had him again and she was determined for it to work. She knew that she needed to tackle her low self-esteem and paranoia, if she was going to be with him she would have to get used to other women fawning all over him, now that he was on TV it came with the territory. She had to trust him, she did trust him but things weren't going to be easy, she knew that.

Even though she was wide awake she kept her eyes closed for a while, she liked feeling his hands trail up and down her back and through her hair, she liked his smell. Part of her just wanted to stay here all day but she had to see Caitlin, they both needed to see her.

'I know you're awake flower, I can see your eyelids flickering,' Josh whispered as Shannon opened her eyes and greeted him with a smile.

'Did you get any sleep?' Josh shook his head as Shannon sat up slightly, planting a kiss on his chest as she let her fingers begin to run over his stomach.

'Nope, I just wanted to look at you, part of me can't believe that you're here,' Shannon smiled as Josh began to stroke her cheek.

'Well I am here and I'm not gonna go anywhere this time, you're stuck with me I'm afraid. Are you sure you're ready for all the hormones that will be floating around when Caitlin gets home?' Josh groaned as Shannon began to laugh.

'Hey, I get stuck with five smelly, sex starved men when I'm out fishing, living with two women will be a fucking breeze in comparison! You're the one that can deal with all the sex talk and time of the month shit though,' Shannon raised her eyebrow as Josh sat up a little to look at her properly, Jesus she was so fucking gorgeous!

'And I take it you'll be the one giving her boyfriend's grief and threatening them? Poor Caitlin, with you and your dad around I doubt she'll start dating until she's thirty.'

'I was thinking forty actually, thirty is still too young as far as I'm concerned,' Josh smirked as Shannon moved further up the bed so she could sit next to him, he wrapped one of his arms around her and pulled her close again, he needed to be close to her.

'If she's anything like me she won't listen to what we say, after all, I didn't listen to my mom did I?'

'And do you regret not listening to her?' Josh asked and smiled as Shannon shook her head.

'I've got a beautiful daughter because of you, if I'd listened to her I wouldn't have Caitlin and I wouldn't have had those times with you in the past. The only regret I have is leaving you and running away with her, she never cared about me or Caitlin, she only ever cared about herself, about HER reputation,' Shannon sighed heavily.

'Then why did you stay with her? You could have come back to me Shannon,' Josh stroked her upper arm, he needed to understand the reasons behind her staying with her mother for so long when she'd treated her so badly.

'I didn't know that I could come back to you Josh. When we went to that clinic, I was so scared, I just wanted you to grab my hand and take me out of there but you didn't, you just sat there and you didn't say a thing, I thought you wanted me to get rid of her. I thought about coming back so many times but then I would panic, I imagined turning up on your doorstep, you taking one look at me and my stomach and slamming the door in my face and I couldn't put myself through that so I stayed with her. I promised my dad I'd take care of her, I wanted to love her and look after her because she doesn't have anyone else but the more I tried, the more she pulled away. I didn't have the confidence to leave Josh, I got out of her place as soon as I could and I made a life for Caitlin and I, then when she was diagnosed with cancer I had to go back again, I had to be with Caitlin. As soon as you came back here, I knew that I couldn't stay with her any longer, I want to be loved and I want Caitlin to be loved, with you, I know both of us are loved and you'll keep us safe,' Shannon smiled, hoping that her explanation made sense.

'I was so fucking stupid back then Shannon. I didn't ever want you to get rid of her, I really didn't,' Josh shook his head as he remembered how he'd reacted to the news of her pregnancy.

'Then why did you book me an appointment at that clinic? I don't understand Josh?'

'You talked so much about your dreams Shannon, about how you wanted to go to college and become a doctor so you could take care of people. I knew that if you kept the baby you'd let that dream die and I didn't want you to do that, you were the most intelligent person in our entire school, I wanted you to make something of yourself, I didn't want you to be tied down. In my fucked up head, I thought that having a termination would be the best thing for you, I didn't even think about how you might feel about it, I should have talked to you properly, I should have listened to you instead of dictating everything, I was a fucking idiot Shannon.'

'No, we were both idiots Joshua. We never sat down and talked about our feelings did we? I should have been honest with you and told you that I wanted to keep the baby from the start, if I'd done that things would have been different but we can't go back can we? Like you said last night, we can only move forward and I want to move forward with you Josh,' Shannon smiled as Josh leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on her forehead.

'We will move forward baby, I promise you. We have so much to catch up on, so much to learn about each other,' Josh smiled.

'Where I'm concerned there's not much to tell,' Shannon shrugged her shoulders, her life hadn't exactly been packed full of excitement since she'd been away from him.

'What no stupid ex-boyfriends that I can make fun of or anything?' Josh laughed and saw Shannon blush.

'Actually no, there's been no one else Josh, you're kinda the only person that I've ever been with,' she looked away from him, he probably thought that she'd been with lots of different guys, it was embarrassing for her to admit that it had been over ten years since she'd last had sex, she wasn't even sure she would know what to do anymore.

'Hey, it's okay, don't be embarrassed. I find that quite, hot,' Josh smirked as Shannon turned to look at him again.

'Hot?'

'Well you know, I'm the only person that's um, been inside you…'

'Joshua Harris! You have a one track mind!'

'I couldn't put it any other way! Well, I could have said my cock is the only..'

'Okay, okay! I get the picture dumbo!' Shannon laughed as Josh began to tickle her under the arms, just like he'd done to their daughter the other day.

'Take back the dumbo comment!'

'Never!'

They frolicked around on the bed for a few minutes until both of them were laughing so hard that they could barely breathe. It was childish fun but it didn't matter, Shannon was laughing again and Josh had never been so happy.

Once they had both got their breathe back, Josh remained in bed while Shannon went to take a shower. They both wanted to go and see Caitlin but Josh didn't know whether they should say anything to their daughter yet about what had been said last night. They hadn't even kissed properly yet, they wanted to take things slowly and knowing Caitlin, she would be discussing their wedding if they told her what was going on.

'I'm all done,' Shannon came into the room wrapped in a towel and Josh immediately felt his cock spring to life.

'Um yeah, I'll uh, go and uh, yeah,' Josh tried to get out of the room without Shannon noticing the tent pole in his pants but her eyes were firmly fixed upon it, it was pretty fucking hard to miss considering how well endowed he was.

He didn't say anything about it and neither did she, he figured that she probably liked the fact that he could get like this because of her, hopefully it made her feel more confident about herself.

Shannon sat down on the bed and smiled to herself after Josh had gone into the bathroom. Part of her wanted to just take the towel off and lay on the bed completely naked so he would come back into the room and just make love to her but deep down she knew it was too soon. As nice as it would be to make love to him again she was nervous, he'd been with so many different women, some of them had probably been mind-blowing and then there was her. She didn't have much experience at all, she wasn't like a porn star in bed, her body was by no means perfect either, she had stretch marks now and no matter how hard she exercised she couldn't get rid of the little bulge in her stomach. Josh was probably used to fucking around with flawless women, women that knew what they were doing. She had to try and build up her confidence before she could take him to bed again but she didn't know how she was going to do it.

Josh stood in the shower and let the cool water run over his body as he tried to forget about Shannon wearing nothing but a towel as her body dripped with water beads from the shower she had just taken, but he couldn't seem to get the image out of his brain.

He spent a few extra minutes in the shower 'taking care of himself' before he stepped out and wrapped a towel around his waist. He then made his way into the bedroom to find that Shannon had already left. As he dried himself off and began to put clothes on the smell of bacon began to drift upstairs.

One thing that Shannon could do well was cook. Over the years she'd taught herself how, she'd started by following recipes from books but now she was able to make things from scratch off the top of her head. She had to do something while she was staying here, she couldn't give Josh money but she would do her best to earn her keep. That started by making fresh pancakes with bacon and maple syrup. Josh used to love pancakes and she hoped that he still did because she'd made ten of them, she always made too many but they would keep for later and Phil could have some when he got home.

Josh quietly made his way downstairs and stood in the doorway of the kitchen watching Shannon cooking for a while, he just couldn't stop looking at her and thinking how lucky he was to have her, how lucky he was to have a daughter with her.

'Jesus Josh! How long have you been standing there?' Shannon jumped as she turned from the counter to put the pancakes and bacon down on the kitchen table.

'Sorry, I was just admiring the view,' he winked as he took a seat at the table and piled five pancakes on his plate as Shannon stared at him, 'what? I need to get my energy levels up and these look delicious!'

'You always did have a fucking big appetite, you eat anything you could get your hands on!' Shannon grinned as she took a seat next to him and put a couple of pancakes on her plate along with some bacon before pouring a glass of orange juice.

'I didn't just eat anything, or just anyone come to think of it,' Josh winked causing Shannon to blush furiously.

A few minutes passed by in silence as both of them eat the food that Shannon had made. Josh was beginning to regret his little remark when Shannon spoke up out of the blue.

'I still have it you know,' she said as Josh looked at her quizzically. 'That night when you and I went for a ride in your car, the ring you gave me.'

Josh watched as Shannon pulled a necklace out from under her shirt, on the end of the gold chain was the Promise Ring that he'd given her so long ago. He thought that she might have thrown it away, for her to have kept it, that meant a lot to him.

'I couldn't get rid of it, I couldn't get rid of any of the stuff you gave me, I still have that bear that you bought me for my fourteenth birthday. Well, Caitlin has it now,' Shannon smiled, in one of her boxes she knew there would be a locked box which contained all of his gifts, all of the memories of their past relationship, photos, cards, she'd never been able to part with them.

'Maybe one day I can get you a different ring, you're due an upgrade at some point,' Josh said and Shannon smiled back at him happily.

'Don't go saying things like that around Caitlin, she'll be picking out bridesmaids dresses in no time believe me!' Shannon laughed.

'Oh I believe you, you see, our daughter has been um, working with me,' Josh said as Shannon took another sip of her drink.

'Ahh so that's what all the little looks and whispered conversations have been about, you two have been plotting behind my back!'

'Yeah but for good reason, we both wanted the same thing and now it looks like we're going to get it,' Josh put his fork down and let his hand touch Shannon's.

'I don't want to say anything to her yet though, not until a little time has passed you know?' Shannon gripped his hand, hoping that he would understand why she didn't want to tell Caitlin just yet.

'I agree, I kinda like the idea of sneaking around, it'll be like we are teenagers all over again,' Josh smiled.

'Except this time we don't have to worry about my mom, thank fuck!'

'Or that dumb fucking cop that kept finding us wherever we went for some 'private' time together,' Josh winked as Shannon nudged him.

'You seriously have sex on the brain, dirty fucker!'

'But you love me anyway right?'

'You know I do,' Shannon planted a kiss on his nose before grabbing their empty plates and getting up to put them in the dishwasher.

'I think it's time for us to go and see our little girl, dad's been there since early yesterday evening, he'll be worn out,' Josh sighed as he got up from the table.

'Um, when are we going to tell your dad about me moving in here? When he gets here he's going to know that something is going on when he sees the boxes…'

'Don't worry about my dad, I can talk to him while you spend some time with Caitlin, he'll be fine Shannon, as long as I'm happy, he's happy,' Josh wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into one last hug before they went into the hall to put their coats on.

Josh instinctively took Shannon's hand as they walked out to the car, they looked like a normal, happy couple that had been together for years. He hated the fact that he had to drive because it meant that he couldn't look at her and that's all that he wanted to do. He wanted to memorize every single pore so that when she wasn't around he could think about her. He was drowning in his love for her but he didn't care anymore, he knew now that she loved him back and no matter what walls they had to climb or what shit they had to face they were going to make it because he wasn't losing her again, no fucking way.

Shannon kept looking at Josh as he drove them to the hospital, even though they hadn't been in each other's lives for years she felt so comfortable around him. There was nothing that she couldn't tell him, any fears that she had she knew that she could share with him and bit by bit she was going to share everything. She wanted him to know all about her and she wanted to know all about him and all about the life he'd led since she'd been away. Some of it was going to be hard to hear, especially the talk about other women but it had to happen, she didn't want any secrets this time, they had to be completely open and honest with each other if they were going to make it as a couple.

When they arrived at the hospital, Josh called his dad to let him know that he could leave and that he'd meet him outside for a quick chat. Shannon went up to Caitlin's room while he waited outside for his father to show up, he wanted him to know what was going on, he wasn't going to keep this a secret from him, not that he could when Shannon and Caitlin's belongings were sitting in boxes at their house.

Josh was sitting outside the hospital for ten minutes before his father came out of the revolving doors, lighting up a cigarette as soon as he got outside.

'Shannon looks happy this morning, I wonder what's put such a smile on her face? Actually, do I even wanna fucking know what's put a smile on her face?' Phil smirked, as soon as he'd seen Shannon enter Caitlin's room beaming from ear to ear he'd guessed that something might have happened between her and Josh.

'It's not what you're thinking dad, we didn't go THAT far, we just…we just told each other how we felt and we're gonna try and make a go of it again,' Josh smiled as his father took a short drag off his cigarette.

'Does her mom know yet?' Phil asked, Julia was going to hit the fucking roof when she found out about this.

'No and she's not gonna know, she kicked Shannon and Caitlin out yesterday, they're coming to live with us, Julia is out of our lives for good now, I went to see her yesterday and she knows where she stands,' Josh replied, his anger bubbled inside him again when he thought about her mom and all the bullshit she'd put Shannon through over the years.

'Jesus Christ what a fucking bitch! I knew she was nasty but even I didn't think she'd be capable of sinking as fucking low as that, I might go round there myself..'

'No dad, just let her rot, she's not important anymore. The only thing that matters now is getting Caitlin home and Shannon and I making a life together, I just hope that you're okay with everything. I mean, even if you're not I'm not gonna change my mind but your approval would mean a lot you know,' Josh said as he stared at his father who didn't give anything away.

'If you'd said all this when we first got here I would've hit the fucking roof but not now. She's a good mom, Caitlin adores her and I actually think she'll be good for you. It's time you settled down and stayed away from some of the nasty fucking women that you've been fucking around with, you might wanna get yourself checked out before you do anything with her though, some of those women looked like they'd been around the block more than a few times…'

'Dad, I'm fine and Shannon and I aren't gonna be going that far for a while, we're taking this slow, we've got a lot to catch up on, sex is the last thing on my mind right now believe it or not,' he was lying, of course sex was on his mind but he wasn't going to push Shannon into doing it because he knew she wasn't ready to take that step yet, he would wait for as long as he needed to for her.

'I don't believe that for a fucking second but I believe that you love her and she loves you too. I'm proud of you son, really fucking proud,' Phil patted Josh on the back as his son looked at him, confused by what he'd just said.

'Why are you proud of me?' Josh asked.

'You find out you have a ten year old daughter, fly out here right away and donate your bone marrow to her and you're great with her, really fucking great son. She talked about you so much last night, you make a great dad you know that right? And I think you'll make a great husband too, at some point, I don't wanna have to pay for a fucking wedding yet so keep taking things slow okay?' Phil chuckled.

'Thanks dad, that means a lot, it really fucking does,' Josh hugged his father without thinking about it. His approval and praise meant so much to him, he didn't care if people saw them hugging because it felt like the right thing to do even if it wasn't considered 'macho' for two men to hug.

'Alright, alright, let me go would ya? I need to get some sleep, I have a date later,' Phil pulled away after a couple of minutes.

'A date? With who?' Josh asked as his father smirked at him.

'I got talking to one of the nurses here last night, if I behave I might get to play doctor later,' Phil winked before he began to walk away. 'Don't come back home too soon!'

Josh shook his head and laughed as he watched him walk away, only he could look after his granddaughter and score a date at the same time, cheeky fucker.

'Mommy!'

'Hi baby!'

Shannon ran into the room and pulled her daughter into a hug as she sat down on her bed. She'd not been away from her all that long but she had missed her little girl so much, she'd been so fucking stupid to walk away yesterday but today she was going to make up for it.

'Grandpa told me so many stories about fishing last night! And he showed me lots of pictures of the Cornelia Marie! He said I could go on it and he would let me sit in the wheelhouse with him! You can come too and daddy and grandpa's new girlfriend!' Caitlin squealed excitedly.

'Uh wait a minute, who is grandpa's new girlfriend?' Shannon asked, as far as she knew Phil wasn't seeing anyone unless he'd been keeping it very quiet.

'Oh the nurse that checks on me in the night, Rosa! He's going out with her tonight! They thought I was asleep but I wasn't, I heard him ask her out and she said yes! You and daddy could go with them and double date!'

'No honey because I am staying with you all day and all night, daddy and I might go out some other time,' Shannon smiled as she stroked Caitlin's face.

'So you want to go on a date with daddy? Where would you wanna go?' Shannon guessed that if she named a restaurant Caitlin would go right back to Josh and tell him where to book a table. To test out this theory, she decided to give it a try.

'Mmm well I would love to go to the new Thai place that's opened on Katella Avenue, I haven't had Thai food in a very long time,' she smiled as she could see Caitlin's face lighting up.

'What haven't you had in a very long time?' Josh's voice spoke from the doorway.

'Hi daddy! Uh, mommy, could I get a jug of water please, I'm really thirsty!' Caitlin smiled sweetly.

'Sure thing honey, won't be long!' Shannon smirked as she left the room knowing that Caitlin was about to share her information with Josh, she was a sneaky little thing.

'Daddy you need to make some calls!' Caitlin whispered excitedly as soon as Shannon had left the room.

'Why honey?' Josh looked confused as he sat down alongside her bed.

'Because mommy wants to go to the new Thai restaurant on Latella Avenue, this is your chance for a date!' Caitlin said with a beaming smile.

'What's the name of this place?' Josh asked.

'I don't know! I've done the hard work now you need to do the rest! Google it or something, duh!'

'Hey don't duh your dad! And anyway, both of us are staying with you tonight so there's no rush, we have plenty of time to go out on a date, the only date I want right now is with you,' Josh smiled as he leaned forward to plant a kiss on her head.

'Well you could at least buy her some flowers or something, she loves pink roses, she used to buy some every week to put in the house. You do want her back don't you daddy?' Caitlin asked.

'Of course I do honey and trust me, we'll get there okay? It's just gonna take a little time and patience so relax and let me handle it,' Josh smiled.

'Alright but you better not mess this up, I'm trusting you on this,' Caitlin folded her arms and gave him a serious look which almost made Josh tell her what had happened last night.

'Don't worry honey, I've got it covered, I promise you.'


	22. Chapter 22

**As always, let me start by saying thank you for the reviews! This chapter is lonnggg and it's taken a while to write it so I hope you like it and it doesn't bore you! I will try and update sooner this time I promise! Please keep your reviews coming in as they give me so much confidence to write and I struggle with my confidence, especially where writing is concerned. Thanks everyone :)**

Chapter Twenty Two

'She's gonna be so excited when we tell her Josh, I can't wait to see the smile on her face,' Shannon sighed as they pulled up outside the hospital.

Today was a big day, a very big day, their little girl was well enough to come home. She hadn't been given the all clear yet, that would hopefully come in a few months-time but for now, she was happy, healthy and coming home to the people that loved her the most.

'You know she's gonna be pushing us to get married like all the time, don't you?' Josh smirked, his daughter had no idea that she was coming to live in his house along with her mother, as far as she was concerned she was going home to her grandma's house, when she found out that she was coming back to his place, she was going to go nuts! They also had another surprise in store for her, when she got back to their place someone else was going to be waiting to meet her for the first time, her Uncle Jake.

Phil had gone to pick him up at the airport, he'd just finished up the season in Dutch and again, they hadn't told Caitlin that he was coming here to stay with them for a while. Both he and his dad had talked a lot about Jake, he was great with kids, he had the same mental age as them so they seemed to love him, Caitlin would be no different. She was the nicest kid Josh had ever met in his entire life and he wasn't just saying that because she was his daughter, Shannon had done such a good job bringing her up, he was so proud of both of them. She was funny, intelligent, kind, polite and absolutely beautiful, she was exactly like her mother and Josh couldn't wait to have her home so he could start learning even more about his beautiful little girl.

'I've been waiting for this day for so long, I can't believe it's actually happening Josh, our little girl is coming home!' Shannon beamed before Josh pressed a quick kiss against her lips, no tongues of course, they hadn't gone that far yet.

'Well believe it! Tonight she'll be sleeping next door to us and tomorrow we can take her to the park and have a picnic, she can be a little girl again now, no more tubes or wires, she can be normal again,' Josh sighed happily.

Of course there was still a risk that the cancer could come back again, they'd been warned not to get too excited yet by her doctor but it was hard not to be. He just had a feeling that she would be alright, especially once she knew that her parents were getting back together again, it would give her something to look forward too, something to live for. She would have a whole new life now and he was sure that this would be enough to see her through, it had to be enough.

'Let's go and get our little girl,' Shannon smiled as she opened the car door and waited for Josh to walk around to her.

He took her hand and they walked into the hospital looking stupidly happy. They'd both cried so many tears in this place, just over a month ago they thought that this would be where their beautiful daughter would take her last breathe but she had pulled through, she'd pulled through for both of them. Even though they loved each other so much, losing Caitlin would leave a hole in their hearts that could never be filled. They needed her just as much as she needed them.

When they got to the corridor outside Caitlin's room, they shared one last hug with each other before letting go of each other's hands and walking into her room to find her dressed in a long yellow dress and wearing a yellow hat to cover her head.

'Mommy! Daddy!' Caitlin ran across the room and leapt into Shannon's waiting arms.

Shannon tried to not cry again but she couldn't help herself, a few weeks ago she was so sure that she was going to lose her, that she would never get a chance to take her home ever again and now here she was, so happy and full of life.

'Mommy don't cry! This is a happy day, don't be sad!' Caitlin pouted at her mother who put her down on the floor and wiped away her tears.

'They're happy tears honey, very happy tears!' Shannon smiled as Josh picked Caitlin up and twirled her around in his arms.

'You're coming to Grandma's too daddy?' Caitlin asked and Josh shook his head, causing her to look sad.

'No honey I'm not BUT we have a surprise for you, don't we Shannon?' Caitlin turned to look at Shannon who smiled mischievously at her daughter, she could be sneaky too.

'Oh what is it?'

'Well, it wouldn't be a surprise if we told you now would it? Come on, I think we've spent enough time in this room to last us a lifetime, let's get you home!' Shannon smiled as she picked up the last remaining bag full of Caitlin's things, she'd brought the rest home last night to help decorate her room in Josh's house.

Now that she was coming home, Phil was sleeping on a fold up bed downstairs and Jake would be sleeping on the sofa for the time being. Josh had talked about finding a bigger place but Shannon didn't want him to spend any more money than he had to. She still felt guilty about not being able to contribute financially to the house but she tried to make up for that by cooking and cleaning whenever she had the time.

'Looks like we're ready to go, let's go and say goodbye to the people that have looked after you, I bet they'll miss you,' Shannon smiled as she took Caitlin's hand and led her out of the room and up the corridor to the nurse's station.

They spent a few minutes saying their thank yous and saying goodbye to the people who had cared for and nursed Caitlin back to health. Each of them had written their own thank you cards and Josh had bought a hamper full of sweets and chocolate for the staff as well as making a donation to the hospital. They knew that they would be coming back here regularly for Caitlin to keep having tests but they were hopeful that she would never have to spend another night here ever again.

When they had finished thanking the staff, both Josh and Shannon took Caitlin's hands and began to walk her out of the hospital. None of them could stop smiling and when they finally got outside, Caitlin excitedly started to jump up and down.

'We should go and have a meal! I don't wanna go home yet mommy, daddy should take us for food!'

'Caitlin honey we told you, we have a surprise for you!' Shannon smiled and shared a look with Josh as Caitlin sighed heavily.

'Baby, you won't be disappointed, I promise,' Josh gripped Caitlin's hand and winked at her which put a smile on her face again.

When they got back to Josh's car, Shannon sat in the back seat along with Caitlin, during the journey Caitlin chatted happily about all the things she wanted to do now she was out of hospital. She asked about Josh's promise to visit Disneyland and that was still going to happen, just not until she had been officially given the all clear by the doctor's. She wasn't too disappointed though, Shannon and Josh had both talked about keeping her busy and doing as much as they could to entertain her. She'd missed out on so much for so long, as much as Shannon didn't want to spoil her too much it seemed cruel to not let her have a few treats after all she'd been through.

'Daddy, you should have taken a right back there for grandma's house,' Caitlin pointed out, Shannon had told Josh that she would quickly pick up on the fact that they weren't going back to her mother's place but Josh had argued that she'd be too excited to notice where they were going, she was proved right.

'Well sweetie, we're not going back to grandma's house that's why,' Shannon smiled as Caitlin looked at her confused.

'Where are we going then? Have we moved out?' Caitlin asked and Shannon nodded.

'Yes we have, we're going to be living with your daddy from now on, is that okay with you?'

'What about grandma? She's not coming too is she?' Caitlin asked quickly and Shannon shook her head. She never wanted Caitlin to know the truth about what her grandmother had said, she didn't like lying to her daughter but in this case a lie was preferable to having to tell her the truth.

'Good because Grandma makes you sad and daddy makes you happy! He makes me happy too mommy, even if he teases me…'

'Hey I am still here you know!' Josh laughed as Caitlin began to laugh too.

'I'm so happy! Have I got a room?' Caitlin asked.

'You have baby, mommy and I spent all last night decorating it for you, I think you're gonna love it,' Josh smiled as he kept his eyes focused on the road ahead.

'Is grandpa staying with us too? And Rosa?'

'Uh, I don't think we'll be seeing Rosa again honey but yes, grandpa is staying with us so you have three people to take care of you,' replied Josh.

'Why won't we see Rosa again?' Caitlin asked, Shannon had been hoping that she wouldn't because she couldn't help but smirk a little when her name was mentioned.

'Uh, she was a little too…much for grandpa and anyway, he wants to spend his time with you!' Shannon lied as she tried not to burst out laughing.

A little too much was an understatement. Rosa liked things a little, rough, a little too rough for Phil's liking. Being whipped across the ass and called a 'bad boy' was tame in comparison to what Rosa liked in the bedroom. On their second date she'd invited him back to her house which came with a fully equipped dungeon, Shannon had never seen him look so scared in his entire life as he explained about some of the things he'd seen in there. Of course both she and Josh had taken the piss out of him but they could hardly tell Caitlin the real reason why Rosa was never going to be seen again, well, maybe they could tell her when she was older but not now.

'Are we nearly there?' Caitlin asked, quickly moving on from the topic of Rosa which was a very good thing.

'We're five minutes away baby, not long till we get you home!' Josh said happily.

'We should go looking for wedding dresses tomorrow mom, you'll look really beautiful, well you're always beautiful but I can help you pick out a dress that will make you even more beautiful!' Caitlin smiled and Shannon couldn't help but smile with her.

'Honey, daddy and I aren't getting married yet, we're taking our time so don't start getting your hopes up too soon hmm? We're not even engaged yet!' Shannon replied and Caitlin immediately looked at Josh.

'Yeah but I'm sure daddy will ask you soon, I'll talk to him,' Caitlin whispered into her mother's ear and Shannon just rolled her eyes and laughed.

Once she got something in her head she was determined to see it through, her daughter was fierce and stubborn and she wouldn't give up until she'd got what she wanted. Josh was going to be in for a rough ride with Caitlin on his tail.

'Here it is!' Josh drove the car up onto the drive and Caitlin clapped happily.

'Our new home mommy! We're gonna be so happy here, I know it!' Shannon was so happy to see Caitlin so delighted, she had wondered whether she would ask more questions about what was going to happen to grandma now they'd gone but in all honesty Caitlin had never liked her grandmother all that much anyway. She hadn't spent that much time with her and her mother had not really bothered to get to know her granddaughter all that well. Still, she was the past now, Josh and their new life was their future.

'Come on then baby, I think it's time me and mommy showed you your new place,' Josh undid his belt and got out of the car as Shannon undid Caitlin's belt for her and smiled happily as she leapt outside.

Leaving the remainder of Caitlin's stuff in the trunk for now, the three of them walked to the front door, Josh unlocked it but pushed Caitlin to go in first, knowing that his dad and Jake would be waiting for her.

'Surprise!'

Josh and Shannon stood side by side at the doorway and watched happily as Caitlin ran to her grandfather and Jake.

'You're Uncle Jake aren't you?' Caitlin smiled as Jake knelt down and pulled his niece into a hug.

'I am, I've been told a lot about you! I thought I should come and say hello and stay for a while, that's alright with you ain't it?' Jake smiled as Caitlin nodded frantically.

'We can help plan mommy and daddy's wedding!'

Jake and Phil both looked over at Josh and Shannon who started shaking their heads.

'Don't panic, there's no wedding happening, yet,' Josh glanced at Shannon before walking into the room to greet his younger brother.

'Hey bro it's good to see you! Bet you missed me out there,' Josh smirked.

'Oh yeah, I really missed fighting with you every day bro!' Jake smirked before he stole a quick look at Shannon. 'Man, she is still fucking hot bro, have you tapped that yet?' He whispered in his ear and Josh looked at him with disgust.

'She's not like that, don't talk about her like she's a piece of meat, you got me, bro?' Josh snapped in his ear before he stepped away.

Shannon had noticed the little exchange but hadn't been able to make out what was said, Josh looked pretty pissed though and Jake, well, he just kept looking at her like she was an alien or something.

'Long time no see!' Jake smirked as he made his way over to Shannon who greeted him with a hug.

The last time she'd seen Jake he'd been a pimply, hormonal fourteen year old kid. The spots had gone but he was still as skinny as he always had been.

'So er, you and Josh are back together again huh?' Jake asked and Shannon nodded.

'We're taking things slow but yeah, we're together and we're gonna make it work this time,' Shannon smiled as Josh kept an eye on them both.

A few years after she'd gone, Jake had admitted after a night of hard drinking that he'd had a crush on Shannon, by the sounds of it, he still had a fucking crush on her and Josh wasn't happy.

'Daddy, can I see my bedroom please?' Caitlin asked him, causing him to snap his eyes away from his brother and his girlfriend.

'Of course you can baby, I think mommy will wanna show you too,' Josh smiled as Caitlin went over and grabbed Shannon's hand, pulling her away from Jake and towards him.

Josh took Shannon's hand and shot a look towards Jake, he wanted to make it very clear to his younger brother that Shannon was not to be drooled over by him. Shannon was his woman and he felt very protective of her, he didn't want his younger brother sniffing around and making suggestive remarks about her.

Josh led his girls upstairs and came to a stop outside Caitlin's room.

'Okay this is it, wanna take a look?' Caitlin nodded excitedly before Josh opened the door and let her walk into the room.

They'd painted it light blue, one of her favourite colours. Above her bed they'd placed a Manchester United team photo and next to it a photograph of the Cornelia Marie.

'I've got a double bed!' Caitlin laughed as she began jumping all over it.

'I think you should look in your wardrobe honey,' Shannon hinted and Caitlin immediately jumped off the bed and ran to it, opening it up to find a full Man UTD kit waiting for her, complete with brand new Nike sneakers.

'Oh my God thank you SO much!' Caitlin ran back across the room and threw her arms around both her parents.

'I take it you like it then?' Josh laughed as Caitlin nodded.

'It's perfect, thank you! I'm gonna put my kit on, is that okay?'

'Sure it's okay! I'll help you get changed,' Shannon smiled but Caitlin shook her head.

'I can do it mommy it's okay, you don't have to worry about me anymore you know, I'm fine,' Caitlin smiled.

'I'll always worry about you honey, that's what parents do!' Shannon smiled back at her.

'Well, how about we leave our daughter get dressed and we go downstairs to make a start on the sandwiches, I think my dad has made a few too many,' Josh smiled as he started to make his way out of the room.

Shannon held back a little, she didn't really want to leave Caitlin on her own just in case something happened but Caitlin marched over to her, all but pushing her out of the room.

'I'll be fine mom, just chill out and go kiss dad or something!' Caitlin giggled as Shannon started to leave voluntarily.

'Okay, okay but don't be long! That chocolate cake looks SO good, I might eat it all if you don't hurry!' She chuckled before grabbing Josh's hand and walking back downstairs with him where Phil and Jake were sat on the couch talking to one another.

'Ah here come the happy couple! That didn't take long bro, then again where you're concerned nothing ever does,' Jake smirked.

'Hmm that's not how I remember it…' Shannon winked at Josh before making her way over to the dining table where she started to pile up a plate full of sandwiches and chips.

Josh smirked back at Jake before he went over to Shannon and wrapped his arms around her waist as she continued to pick at the feast that Phil had somehow managed to put together.

'Play nice with your brother, I don't want you two fighting around Caitlin,' Shannon leaned back against Josh and whispered to him.

'Um that might be a little difficult considering we fight every fucking day,' Josh replied and Shannon turned around to face him.

'Please Josh, no fighting. I want this to be a happy time for Caitlin and I know you do too,' Shannon replied as she stared into his eyes.

'I'll do my best but he knows how to get under my fucking skin…'

'Sshh well if he gets under it, let me know and I'll help ease your pain,' Shannon grinned a little before pressing her lips to his.

'Ewww get a room!'

Shannon and Josh pulled apart as their daughter came marching down the stairs in her full Manchester United Kit complete with sneakers.

'Hey! You were the one that told me to kiss your dad!' Shannon laughed happily as Phil and Jake made a fuss of her.

Shannon and Josh sat down on one chair with Shannon deciding to sit on his lap and watch as their daughter danced around the lounge. Josh had never felt so complete, he had the love of his life in his arms and they were watching their beautiful daughter smile and laugh for the first time in a very long time.

After an hour or so, Jake got a call on his cell phone and he ran out of the room to answer it. Shannon noted the concerned expression on Josh's face as he watched his brother leave the room. She had a feeling that something was going on but she could hardly ask Josh to tell her what was wrong in front of Caitlin and Phil.

When Jake came back into the room he immediately reached for his hoodie and his car keys.

'I just got a call from an old friend back in High School, I told him I was visiting Cali and he wants to hang out, I said I'd meet him and go for a few beers, I won't be back till late,' Jake announced and both Phil and Josh shot him glares.

'Hey Caitlin you haven't seen the back garden yet honey! It's huge! You have plenty of room to kick a ball around, come on, let's go take a look!' Shannon got up from Josh's lap, she could tell that things were going to get a little confrontational and she didn't want Caitlin to witness an argument on her first day back home from hospital.

'Okay mommy!' Shannon smiled as Caitlin agreed right away to go along with her. She wasn't stupid by any means, she could probably sense the tension in the room and wanted to get out of the way before anything was said.

Josh watched his two girls leave the room hand in hand and as soon as Shannon had closed the lounge door behind them he got up from his seat to move a little closer to Jake.

'You're meant to be here to see your niece, to spend some fucking time with her and on the very first day you wanna go out and get fucking wasted with some dumb old friend of yours? I can't believe you Jake!' Josh snapped as he watched his father get up from his seat.

'He's right, I got you this plane ticket so we could all spend time together as a fucking family, not for you to come here and party!' Phil growled, he seriously couldn't believe that Jacob was doing this, not on Caitlin's first day home.

'This is just fucking great! I get here and the two of you are fucking ganging up on me already? It's just a couple of fucking drinks!'

'No Jake it's not! It's never just a couple of drinks, you know that as well as I do! You'll be fucking staggering in here at four in the morning drunk out of your mind, you think I want my daughter to see that shit?' Josh snapped.

'This is fucking hilarious coming from a guy who slept with five different chicks in one night! Who are you to be telling ME what to do? Just because you're a dad now that doesn't make you some sort of fucking saint you know! In fact, I could tell Shannon a few home truths about her precious fucking lover boy...'

Before he got a chance to finish his sentence Josh was on him, he managed to land one peach of a right hook against his cheek before Phil was pulling him off his little brother.

'THAT'S ENOUGH!' He yelled as he tried to control his boys, he'd had plenty of practice doing this sort of shit in the past but he hadn't expected this to happen today, this was meant to be a fucking wonderful day and now he was regretting getting the plane ticket for Jake.

'HE started it!' Jake yelled as Josh started to laugh.

'No YOU started it by making comments about MY girlfriend! And she's not just my girlfriend Jake, you know how much I love her!'

'Oh bullshit! If you loved her that much why did you want her to kill Caitlin then huh big guy?'

'SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!' Josh pulled himself out of Phil's grip easily as he threw himself at Jake and began to land more punches on him.

In the midst of all the chaos, none of them noticed Caitlin running back into the house. She'd heard the screaming outside and before Shannon could stop her she'd ran past her and gone back inside.

'STOP IT!' Caitlin's voice screamed above the yelling and cursing and each man froze on the spot.

Josh immediately got to his feet and turned to see his little girl standing at the doorway looking at him sadly, the expression on her young face broke his heart, he could see the sadness and disappointment in her eyes.

'Honey, I'm so sorry….'

'Mommy, I wanna go to bed, will you stay with me?' Caitlin turned to look at her mother who was shaking her head at the three men who had ruined her daughter's homecoming.

'Sure I will baby, you go upstairs and I'll be up in a minute okay, I've just got something to say,' Shannon smiled, she didn't want her daughter to be around when she told them all exactly what she thought of them.

Caitlin nodded sadly before she started to head upstairs, Shannon waited until she had disappeared before she entered the lounge and closed the door behind her.

'Shannon I…..' Josh started to try and explain but Shannon immediately cut him off.

'I've never been so fucking disgusted in my entire life! This was meant to be Caitlin's big day and your fucking selfishness and childishness has ruined it! Did you see that look on her face Josh? If this is what's going to happen, I don't want any part of it. You're meant to be grown men!'

'Baby please…'

'No Josh! Just…just leave me alone until I've calmed down because right now I feel like slapping you so fucking hard!' Shannon backed away as Josh stepped closer to her.

She didn't know what had gone on but she couldn't believe that it had come to this, not today. Their little girl had just seen her daddy punching his brother repeatedly, now Shannon was wondering if she'd done the right thing by moving in here in the first place, she couldn't let Caitlin witness things like this on a regular basis, what if Josh lost his temper with her and started to punch her like that?

'I'm going upstairs, I'll come to you when I'm ready,' Shannon left the room, closing the door behind her and leaving the three men to stare at each other in silence until Phil broke it.

'I hope both of you are real fucking happy about what you've done…'

'Josh did all the punching, I didn't do anything!'

'Bullshit Jake, you're not fucking innocent and you know it, Shannon's right, the two of you need to grow the fuck up , especially you.' Phil looked at Josh who wasn't going to argue because he knew that his father was right. 'You've got a daughter to take care of, you keep dealing with arguments and stupid remarks by using your fists, one day you're gonna come up against someone who's gonna hurt you bad son and then what do we tell Caitlin huh? As for YOU,' Phil then turned his attention to Jake, 'I brought you here to meet your niece, I told her so much about you and she was so fucking excited to meet you and the very first fucking day that she comes home you wanna go out and party with some loser fucking friend…'

'You know what I don't need to stand here and listen to this shit, I'm fucking outta here,' Jake snapped back, Phil stepped forward to try and grab him but Josh held him back.

'Just leave him dad, enough damage has been done today, let him do what he wants, he's a big boy,' Josh glared at his brother before he disappeared out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Once he'd gone Josh slumped down on the couch and held his head in his hands. Jake could wind him up so easily but he'd taken things too far, his daughter had seen him getting violent and she was probably terrified of him now, so was Shannon. He'd fucked up big time and he had no idea how to try and make things right. He'd made Shannon so many promises about how this was the start of a whole new life for them and now he might have ruined things for good.

Shannon lay next to her daughter in bed and stroked her face, she didn't know what to say to her to make things better. Just a couple of hours ago she'd been telling her how things would be so much better for them and how their lives were going to be so much happier now that they were out of grandma's house and now, this shit had happened. She didn't know what to think, Josh and Jake had fought so much when they were younger but stupidly she thought that they might have grown out of it by now, then again they were men, did they ever grow up?

'Did daddy ever hit you like that?' Caitlin asked out of nowhere and Shannon immediately wrapped her arms around her.

'No honey, your daddy never, ever hurt me and he would never hurt you either, he loves you…'

'Why was he so mad mommy?' Shannon sighed heavily and shook her head.

'I don't know baby, I really don't know,' she planted a kiss on Caitlin's forehead and cuddled into her as she stroked her head. 'Let's try and get some sleep baby, things will look better in the morning, they always do.'

Shannon whispered softly even though she doubted that she would be able to get any sleep after what had happened. She kept Caitlin close to her and just watched her as she drifted off to sleep. No matter what her feelings were for Josh they didn't come close to her love for Caitlin, they never would.

Josh sat alone outside as he smoked cigarette after cigarette, he couldn't get Caitlin's sad, disappointed and scared face out of his mind. She was probably terrified of him after she'd seen him do that to Jake, he was worried that she would not want to stay here after she'd witnessed him do that.

He remained outside until he'd finished his packet of cigarettes, he was about to get up to go inside and get more when he heard the back door open. He turned around to see Shannon making her way towards him.

'Hey,' he said quietly as she sat down next to him.

'Hey,' she replied as she stared into the night.

'How's Caitlin doing?'

'She's fast asleep, nothing could wake her,' Shannon replied as Josh began to stroke her hand with his long fingers.

'I'm so fucking sorry Shannon, things went too far, you won't ever see me lose it like that again…'

'Why did you lose it Josh?' Shannon asked as she finally looked at him.

'He said some things,' Josh replied, he didn't know whether to tell her about Jake's crush on her and his threats to tell her some things that Josh would rather she not know.

'What things Josh? Tell me what he said, be honest with me,' Shannon said as she tried to get Josh to explain himself.

'He said that he'd tell you some stuff about me that I don't really want you to know, I've done a lot of shit that I'm not proud of in the past Shannon,' Josh sighed. 'He's also got a crush on you…'

'What?' Shannon interrupted him after hearing his last sentence.

'He's got a fucking crush on you!' Josh snapped, saying it out loud made him mad, of all the women in the world why couldn't his little brother have a crush on someone else, not her.

'Is that why you got so wound up? Did you think I'd fall in love with Jake and ditch you or something?'

'No! Why, is this where you tell me that you have a thing for him too?' Josh snapped and Shannon just shook her head in despair.

'You're being ridiculous Joshua! Of course I don't have a fucking thing for your brother, the only person that I want is you! I don't even care about what shit you've got up to in the past, Jake could tell me every single little detail but that won't change how I feel about you!'

'Yeah, you say that now….'

'I MEAN it Josh! You were the one that said that our past is just that, the past, why would I leave you just because of something you did a few years or a few months ago? I know you've slept around, you've partied a lot and you've probably tried every drug known to man but I don't give a shit Josh, I love you. But if you do something like that ever again, if Caitlin sees you act like that…'

'It won't happen again Shannon, I don't want to lose my girls both of you are everything to me, everything,' Josh took her hand in his and Shannon gave in easily to his words.

She let her head rest against his shoulder as he continued to hold her hand, she'd been so happy to hear that Jake was coming to visit but now she wished that he wasn't here at all, it was horrible that she was thinking like that but she wanted things to be happy and stable here for Caitlin. If Jake being here was going to wind Josh up all the time then that wouldn't do anyone any good at all. She did wonder what Josh so desperately wanted to keep from her but she wasn't going to push him to tell her. She just wanted things to be happy and normal for a change, was that too much to ask for?


	23. Chapter 23

**Thank you for the reviews! I am so sorry that it has taken me a while to update, I went away for a few days but I am back and refreshed now so I hope to be updating more regularly. This was a tough one for me to write, when you read it you might understand why. Please keep the reviews coming in because I love them all, thanks :)**

Chapter Twenty Three

'Jake, you need to get your ass back here NOW! You've been gone for two fucking days! Hello? Hello?' Phil snapped the lid of his phone shut and turned to face Josh who was waiting to hear what his younger brother had said. 'He put the fucking phone down on me! He's in some fucking bar, I can hear the music in the background, I'm gonna go find him!'

'Dad! There's fucking tons of bars here, we can't search every fucking place! I promised Shannon that I would take Caitlin out today, we spent all fucking day searching for him yesterday and I'm not wasting any more time on him, Caitlin comes first for me now, I'm sorry,' Josh sighed as his dad sat down looking defeated on the bench in the back yard.

'You don't need to say sorry son, I should be the one apologising for buying him a fucking plane ticket in the first place. I thought that spending some time with us, with his niece, would sort his fucking head out but I was wrong, bringing him here has just made things fucking harder for you…'

'Dad this isn't your fault, I understand why you sent him a plane ticket and yeah, I thought that maybe spending time with Caitlin would calm him the fuck down but there's nothing we can do. We can't force him to get help when he thinks he's not doing anything wrong. Why don't you come out with me and Caitlin today? I'll buy you an ice cream, maybe some cotton candy if you behave,' Josh smirked as he tried to raise his father's spirits.

Jake hadn't been back here ever since he'd left after their fight and he felt pretty fucking guilty. Things were such a mess and neither Josh nor his dad knew what to do for Jake. They both wanted to help him but how can you help someone who doesn't think that they have a problem? If they sent him to rehab he would either leave right away or not take it seriously at all, Josh just wanted his life to be simple for once. He had Shannon back and now he was a father to a beautiful little girl, he just wanted to be 'normal' but nothing was every straightforward for him.

'You go, I'll stay here and keep Shannon company, I promise that I'll be on my best behaviour!' Phil smirked as he saw Josh's face break out into a smile.

He knew how much Josh wanted him to get along with Shannon and he thought that it was about time he spent a little one on one time with the woman that had stolen his eldest son's heart. At least talking to Shannon would help him forget about Jake for a while, Josh was right, how could he possibly search every single fucking bar in California to find him? All he could do was wait and hope that Jake would soon come back so he could talk some sense into him, until then he had to try and keep himself busy and not driving himself crazy thinking about what Jake could be getting up to.

'I'll go tell Shannon that she needs to make two omelettes seeing as you're staying with her for dinner,' Josh smiled as he got up and patted his father on the back before disappearing inside, leaving Phil to light up another cigarette as he sat alone staring out into the back yard.

'Hey baby, you got someone staying with you for dinner,' Josh smiled as he walked into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Shannon's waist.

She was wearing tight red jeans and a tight white vest top which clung to her curves and made her look so fucking sexy. The huge six inch black stilettos that she was wearing set off the look and Josh was drooling from almost every orifice when he looked at her.

Shannon smiled to herself as she felt a little bump rest against her back as Josh wrapped his long arms around her. It felt good to know that she could still cause that kind of reaction from him but at the same time, she still felt so fucking nervous and worried about how she would match up to the other women he'd had in the past. She couldn't talk about them or tell Josh how she was feeling because they'd agreed not to bring up the past, she had to get over it herself and try to get comfortable with her own body before she revealed it to him but she could tell that he was getting frustrated by her lack of physical contact, they hadn't even kissed properly!

It's not that she didn't want to kiss him, she did she really did but she knew that kissing would lead to more, she wouldn't be able to stop herself once she felt his tongue inside her mouth and she didn't want to do it here, not with Caitlin in the room next door. She wanted to be sexual, to be physical but she just felt, shy, like a sixteen year old virgin all over again and it was pathetic, really pathetic but how could she explain all this to Josh?

'What's the matter baby? You've been quiet today,' Josh sighed as he leaned forward and pressed his nose to her hair, inhaling her familiar scent of Herbal Essence shampoo mixed with her favourite CK One perfume.

'Nothing, I've just been busy cooking, cleaning, I don't know, guess I'm a little tired,' she sighed, not willing to share with him what was really on her mind.

'Well let my dad do the washing up when you're finished eating cos he's staying here with you, I think he wants to spend some time getting to know you all over again so prepare yourself for some questions,' Josh laughed as Shannon turned around to face him.

'Oh God the Phil Inquisition, it had to happen sometime didn't it? If he gets too personal I guess I can always talk about Rosa and her strap-on,' Shannon winked before planting a kiss on Josh's nose.

'Now you know that Rosa's sex toys are a sore point for my dad…'

'I bet they are, in more ways than one,' Shannon grinned before both of them burst out laughing.

'What's so funny?'

Phil appeared in the kitchen and found Shannon and Josh in fits of laughter which seemed to make them laugh all the more. Phil stood there looking completely confused as he waited for one of them to explain what the fuck was going on.

'It's um, a little bit of a sensitive issue Phil,' Shannon started laughing again and leaned against Josh for support as tears rolled down her cheeks.

'Yeah we need to approach with caution, you know, like Rosa probably did with her ten inch dong…' Josh started to laugh again too as Phil's face went red and he folded his arms whilst looking at Ding and is dastardly fucking companion.

'I told you she went nowhere near me with that fucking, thing! I knew I should have kept my fucking mouth shut!' Phil growled.

'Did you keep your ass cheeks shut though Phil? That's what we want to know,' Shannon laughed as Josh high fived her.

'Damn girl you are good!'

'Fucking kids, laughing at an old man,' Phil moaned as he sat down at the kitchen table.

'Why are they laughing at you grandpa, do you want me to spank them?' Caitlin's voice appeared from the kitchen doorway and everyone turned to look at her.

She was wearing a long purple dress with matching purple shoes and she looked so damn cute. She didn't normally wear dresses but since the cancer had taken her hair away, she seemed to want to wear more feminine clothes, even without hair she was still the most beautiful girl that Shannon had ever seen, she always would be in her eyes and in Josh's.

'You look beautiful honey,' Josh smiled with pride as he stepped towards his daughter who immediately took a little step back. She'd kept her distance from him since she'd seen him hit Jake and Josh knew that he had a lot of work to do to get her trust back, seeing her back away from him brought a lump to the back of his throat, it was like she was scared of him.

'Daddy's taking you to the park today, I made you a picnic basket with all your favourites, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, chocolate cake, strawberries…'

'Aren't you coming with us mommy?' Caitlin asked and Shannon shook her head.

'No sweetie, it's just you and daddy going today, I might come along tomorrow,' Shannon smiled as Caitlin's face dropped.

'Oh, well, I don't think I can go, I don't feel that good…' Shannon knew that Caitlin was lying to get out of going to the park alone with her dad, she'd not wanted to be alone with Josh ever since the incident with Jake.

'I think you and I need to have a little talk,' Shannon replied as she made her way over to Caitlin. 'We won't be long,' she smiled at Josh before closing the kitchen door behind them.

Josh immediately walked over to the kitchen table and slumped down in the seat opposite his father who looked at him sadly.

'I've really fucked up, she's never gonna trust me again after this, she's fucking terrified of me!' Josh moaned as Phil shook his head.

'Then be honest with her and tell her what happened, don't use the exact words but you can explain to her that Jake said something nasty about Shannon, she loves you Joshua,' Phil tried to reassure his son that things would be okay but in all honesty, he didn't know if they would be.

'I can't lose them, I seriously can't lose them,' Josh said under his breath as he held his head in his hands.

He'd used his fists without thinking so many times in the past and he'd been pretty lucky never to get into any serious trouble. Now, his fists might have cost him his little girl and the woman that he wanted to marry, that would be the worst punishment anyone could ever give him.

'Caitlin tell me the truth, you're not feeling sick are you?' Shannon sighed as she sat Caitlin down on the couch and sat next to her.

'I don't wanna be alone with him mom, what happens if he gets into a fight again? I don't wanna see him fighting and hurting people like he hurt Jake,' Caitlin replied and Shannon took one of her hands in hers. It killed her to see her daughter like this, she knew that Josh was a good man but like most people, he had his flaws. She wanted to make Caitlin see that her daddy really wasn't a bad guy but she wasn't going to push her, if Caitlin really did not trust him and want to be around him then she knew what she had to do.

'You know, when your daddy and I were dating back when we were teenagers, the only time that I ever saw him fight someone was when some guy got nasty with me when we went out for something to eat. Your daddy defended me and protected me because he loved me, I know that he would never, ever hurt you baby because he loves you so much. It's just that sometimes, people say things and your daddy gets a little upset, especially when they say things about me or you…'

'Is that what uncle Jake did? Did he say something about me or you?' Caitlin asked, not missing a beat.

'He might have said some things but that's not important. What's important is that you know how much your daddy loves you and how much he wants to protect you. If you really are afraid of him then I would never force you to go anywhere with him, maybe today you guys can stay here and I'll be right in the next room if you need me, but you can talk to him and tell him how you feel and he can explain. Would that be okay?' Shannon stroked her thumb against her daughter's hand as Caitlin nodded.

'Okay mommy.'

'I want you to know this baby, YOU come first okay? If you still don't feel happy here and you want to leave, we'll leave. All I want is what's best for you because I love you so much,' Shannon smiled at her daughter who smiled back.

'I love you too mommy,' the two of them shared a hug before they got up from the couch and walked hand in hand back to the kitchen where Josh and Phil were waiting for them.

'There's been a slight change of plan, do you want to tell daddy?' Shannon looked down at Caitlin who nodded and then looked at Josh.

'We're staying here so we can talk,' Caitlin's curt reply cut like a knife through Josh's heart, he had to try and make things right or risk losing her and her mom for good.

He got up from his seat and walked over to Caitlin who immediately started to make her way into the lounge, Josh looked at Shannon who leaned in and planted a kiss on his lips before whispering 'it'll be okay' in his ear.

Shannon watched as Josh and Caitlin disappeared into the lounge and she hoped and prayed that they would be able to work things out. She loved Josh so much and she wanted to make a life with him so badly but Caitlin was her priority, she always would be and if Caitlin wasn't happy then they would have to leave, it was as simple as that.

'You think they'll be okay?' Phil asked and Shannon turned to look at him.

'I hope so, I really hope so,' she sighed before she took a seat next to him at the kitchen table.

'This is all my fucking fault,' Phil sighed after she had sat down.

'How do you work that one out?' Shannon replied.

'If Jake hadn't come here, none of this would be fucking happening would it? I was the dumb fuck that bought him the plane ticket thinking this trip would help him and instead it's made everything a huge fucking mess,' Phil put his head in his hands and Shannon instinctively reached out and started to rub his arm.

She could see how difficult everything was for him, he was trying his best to be a good father to both Josh and Jake and to be a good grandfather to Caitlin who absolutely adored him. Phil had always reminded her so much of her own father, before she'd left Seattle they'd always got on so well, Phil had even taken to calling her his 'daughter in law' and she longed to hear him call her that again because she really did care for him.

'None of this is your fault Phil, you're doing the best you can. These past few months have been so difficult for all of us, you dropped everything to come here and meet your granddaughter who adores you, she talks about the boat and going out to sea with you ALL the time!' Phil couldn't help but smile when Shannon mentioned Caitlin and her eagerness to get out on the boat with him.

'What if Caitlin doesn't want anything to do with Josh after this?'

'Things will be fine Phil, she loves him and I know that he loves her, it'll all be okay, you'll see,' Shannon smiled as she tried to think positively about the future. She just hoped that Josh could show Caitlin that there was no need for her to be afraid of him. If he couldn't then there might not be a happy ever after for them.

'Caitlin honey, I know you don't like me very much right now and I don't blame you, I should never have done what I did and I'm so sorry that you saw me act like that. I really do love you and your mom so much, I know that you're scared and you don't trust me very much right now but I want you to know that I would never, ever hurt you or your mom, I want to make things right but I don't know what I can do,' Josh sighed as he tried as hard as he could to somehow win back his daughters love.

'Why did you hurt Uncle Jake? Did he say something bad?' Caitlin asked, Josh decided to be as honest as he could, she was young but there were certain things that she needed to know.

'Uncle Jake isn't very well right now, he said some things that upset me but that doesn't excuse what I did. I promised your mom that I wouldn't fight and I broke that promise….'

'What's wrong with Uncle Jake?' Caitlin asked, Josh didn't really know how to put it but now he'd spoken about it he had to try.

'You know that some grown-ups like going out for a drink from time to time right?' Josh started to explain.

'Yeah, mommy doesn't though,' Caitlin said, looking confused.

'No I know your mommy doesn't but you see Uncle Jake, he goes out a lot and we're a little worried that he's doing it a little too much,' Josh didn't really want to try and explain about drugs and fuck knows what else Jake was doing, how could he try and talk about that sort of thing to a eleven year old?

'So that's why he hasn't been back here yet?'

'Yeah but you don't have to worry, all you need to worry about is enjoying your time at home and I swear to you that you will never, ever see me get like that again. I don't wanna lose you and your mom Caitlin, when your mom left it broke my heart and it hurt so much, I don't wanna go through that again and I'll do anything, anything that I can to make things right,' Josh swallowed hard, trying to stop himself from getting too emotional, he didn't want Caitlin seeing him cry.

'You make mommy really happy, she smiles a lot now, she never used to smile all that much when we lived with grandma. I want her to be happy and you make her happy, you make me happy too it's just you scared me a lot,' Caitlin said quietly and Josh slowly wrapped his hand around hers.

'I'm so sorry baby, you can hit me, punch me, kick me…'

'No, no more nasty stuff. If you really wanna make it up to me, I guess you could take me out for an ice cream,' Caitlin looked at Josh and a little smile appeared on her face.

'I think I could do that,' Josh smiled back at her.

'Three scoops with chocolate sauce and sprinkles?'

'You can have four scoops honey, I think I can do that,' Josh replied before Caitlin decided to give him a hug.

'It sounds a little too quiet in there, that's not good is it?' Phil paced around the kitchen as he waited for Josh and Caitlin to reappear.

'Phil will you sit your ass down and calm down? All this worrying is not good for your health you know, you're not eating, you're barely sleeping, you need to take it easy for a while!'

'Oh and how the fuck am I meant to do that when one of my kids is out there doing fuck knows what with fuck knows who and my other kid is on the verge of losing the chance he had of building a family of his own,' Phil snapped, he didn't mean to snap at her but everything was coming to a head and he really had no idea what he could do to sort things out.

'Look, Caitlin and Joshua will be okay, she still loves him and she'll give him another chance. As for Jake, I know that it's hard but you can't force him to do anything about his problems, he has to ask for help….'

'I am not sitting back and doing nothing! You wouldn't if this was Caitlin we were talking about would you?'

'What choice would I have Phil? You can't make Jake go to rehab and force him to stay or force him to take it seriously! You could spend thousands of dollars sending him to the best treatment facility in the fucking world and when he comes out he could just go right back to what he was doing before! I don't have an answer Phil, I wish I did, addiction is hard for everyone involved but you're not alone. Josh, Caitlin and I are all here for you and we'll be here when Jake realises that he needs help, we're all a family now, at least I think of you as family, I know you might not think about me in that way just yet,' Shannon corrected herself, she couldn't presume that Phil liked her just because he'd been civil to her for a while. He could just be going through the motions to keep Josh happy.

'When you turned up at Dutch I'll be honest, I wanted you to disappear and never come back again. Josh spent so much fucking time trying to find you, hoping that you'd come back and then one day, he just changed. You probably know that he's fucked around with a lot of women right?' Phil asked and Shannon nodded, did she really want to hear all about Josh's conquests right now?

'He would date someone for a couple of weeks, maybe a couple of months if they were lucky but as soon as the girl wanted to get serious that was it, he ran and picked up with some other girl. I always knew that he wasn't happy, he was trying to run as far away from his memories of you as he could but he never managed to do it. What really, really fucking hurts though Shannon is that you never came to me,' Phil shook his head.

'What do you mean?' Shannon asked as she walked closer to him.

'When Josh said what he did about you getting an abortion, you could have fucking come to me, we got on good…'

'Jesus Phil I was sixteen, pregnant and not thinking clearly, as far as I was concerned if Josh didn't want me to have the baby I didn't think that you would feel any fucking different! I never wanted Josh to feel trapped, that I was having his baby to keep him with me, I guess I thought that you would see it that way,' Shannon shrugged.

'If I'd known what was going on, I would have talked to Josh, I would have made sure that he did the right thing and stood by you, married you…'

'I didn't want that. Marriage was the last thing on my mind when I found out I was pregnant, we weren't living in the fifties Phil, I guess I just wanted someone to hold me and tell me that things would be okay. Josh thought that he was doing the best thing for me, I understand that now, I didn't back then, I thought he hated me that's why I told my mom, I had to tell someone but it turns out that she hated me more than anyone. I never meant to hurt Joshua, I really didn't. I loved him, I still love him and I want to look after him and take care of him, I know that it's not gonna be easy and it sure as hell won't be perfect all the time but he's the only man I want, he always has been, always will be,' Shannon smiled.

'You better take care of him or you'll have me to answer to, you got that?' Phil couldn't keep a serious face for that long when Shannon smirked back at him.

'Oh Phil, you're a big teddy bear, I could never be scared of you!' Shannon laughed before she pulled him into a hug.

'Uh, are we interrupting something here?' Josh walked into the kitchen hand in hand with Caitlin to find his father and girlfriend locked in a hug.

'Yeah, seeing as you won't propose I just did, we're headin to Vegas tomorrow,' Phil replied with a grin on his face as they pulled apart.

'Yeah daddy, when are you gonna put a ring on it? You like it don't you?' Caitlin piped up and Shannon started to shake her head.

'Someone has been listening to Beyonce again,' she smirked.

'Okay, okay enough talk about marriage, who wants ice cream?' Josh said as Caitlin put her hand up right away.

'Mmm an ice cream sounds good! Come on Phil, it'll do you good to get out of the house for a while,' Shannon looked at him and he nodded.

'Yay grandpa! You can tell me more fishing stories! I wanna know more about the Hillstrands!' Caitlin squealed excitedly as she ran to Phil and began to pull him.

'Oh God, I'm not even gonna ask who they are,' Shannon replied as Josh walked over to her and took her hand in his.

'You'll meet them soon enough honey, I'll have to make it clear that you're all mine though,' Josh planted a kiss on her cheek before they followed Caitlin and Phil out of the kitchen and down the hallway.

Things felt good but definitely not complete with Jake missing, they just had to hope that he would ask for help soon before it was too late.

**The Phil/Shannon scene was very hard for me to write. I wanted to include Phil in this story and I have no regrets, he was my favourite and I just felt that it was right to include him. I hope you feel the same way and I don't mean to upset anyone by writing him, I just hope I am doing him justice. **


	24. Chapter 24

**Thanks so much for the reviews and the new story alerts, if you're alerting I would love it if you could drop in and let me know what you think pretty please? :) Okay, this is now getting quite difficult to write and I feel bad about writing Phil/Jake and the whole addiction issue but I started down that road and obviously I must continue. I will understand if people cannot read this any further, I apologise in advance if this upsets you, I am trying my best to deal with a few different topics at once in this story. Please review as always, thanks.**

Chapter Twenty Four

'Daddy you cheated!' Caitlin yelled as Josh won again at the game of Monolopy that they were playing.

'I did not cheat! You're a bad loser Caitlin Andrews!' Josh smirked as Caitlin continued pout.

'Okay, okay that was the last game, maybe you can beat daddy tomorrow because now it's time for bed missy!' Shannon said as Josh started to pack the game away.

'I'm gonna whoop your ass tomorrow!' Caitlin smirked before poking her tongue out at Josh.

'Hey watch your language young lady!' Shannon pointed at Caitlin who smiled sweetly back at her.

'Sorry mom, goodnight, I love you,' Caitlin gave Shannon a hug and a kiss before going to Josh to do the same thing.

When she had disappeared upstairs Shannon closed the lounge door behind her and flopped down on the couch. She was exhausted, they'd been to the beach, then to the park and Shannon had cooked them some macaroni and cheese for dinner, it was nice to finally have some time to chill out.

'You look tired baby, maybe we should have an early night tonight?' Josh sighed as he got up off the floor to put the Monolopy game back on the shelf before he sat down next to Shannon on the couch, wrapping one of his arms around her in the process.

'Mmm I think I'll just sit here like this for a while, if I go to bed now my body clock will be all screwed up. Anyway, your dad might want something to eat when he gets in,' Shannon yawned, Phil had gone out for some drinks with an old friend tonight.

'You don't need to stay up just to cook something for my dad Shannon, he can look after himself you know,' Josh replied as he scraped some hair off her face.

'I know but with all this shit going on with Jake I just want to make sure that he's eating and looking after himself, he's really worried Josh,' she sighed as she pulled herself closer to him.

'I wish that Jake cared as much as you do, I bet he hasn't even fucking thought about what he's doing to dad,' Josh felt the anger rise inside him when he thought about his younger brother. They still didn't know who he was with or where he was staying, fuck knows what kind of state he was in.

'Addicts don't care about anyone but themselves, he's sick Josh, you have to remember that,' Shannon put one of her hands on his cheek and started to stroke it, relishing the feeling of his bristly beard against her soft skin.

Instead of replying, Josh leaned down and planted his lips against hers. He wanted to get lost in her, if anyone could calm him down and make him feel better it was her. He slowly began to let his tongue poke out slightly and he tried to coax her into opening her lips to let him finally kiss her properly but as soon as she felt his tongue make contact with her lips she pulled away.

Josh sighed heavily and looked Shannon in the eyes.

'Every time I try and kiss you this is what happens. What's wrong Shannon? I know we're taking things slow but this is crazy!' Josh moaned as Shannon sat up properly.

'Well if you're getting that pissed why don't you call one of your old 'friends' to help you out? There's been plenty of them after all,' Shannon snapped, she instantly regretted what she'd said.

'Oh so that's what this is all about huh? I thought the past was meant to be the past Shannon? Isn't that what you've said a million times since we got together? Evidently it's not so why don't you just tell me what the problem is,' Josh was pissed, he should have known that she wouldn't be willing to let his man whore ways go by without saying anything about them, was this gonna happen everytime they argued? Was she always gonna bring up the fact that he'd fucked around?

'I can't help it Josh I'm sorry okay? I mean this is easy for you, I've never been with anyone else, you have no one to match up to! Me on the other hand, I've got to try and be as good as some of the women you've had and you've probably had women who've been able to do lots of amazing fucking things to you and I don't even know if I can remember what to do when it comes to sex! I want to kiss you, I want to be close to you and touch you but I'm terrified okay? I'm scared that I won't be as good as some of the women you've had and if I'm not you'll leave me and then I'll be alone again,' Shannon let her fears pour out. She hadn't expected this to happen but after bottling everything up for weeks and weeks it was only natural that she would explode at some point and now Josh probably thought that she was fucking nuts.

'I'm sorry, I said too much, I better go,' Shannon spoke after a few minutes of silence where Josh just seemed to stare at her and she couldn't take being looked at anymore.

'Shannon, don't,' Josh grabbed her hand and pulled her back to sit alongside him on the couch, he wished that she had told him her fears from the start because then he could have told her the truth from the very beginning.

'You wanna know the truth Shannon? The truth is that every time I was with someone else, every time I was inside them the only person that I thought of, the only face that I saw in my mind was yours….'

'Josh stop…'

'No! I won't stop because that's how I felt, that's how it was! I tried so fucking hard to get you out of my head and I couldn't and it drove me fucking crazy. I wanted to find someone and settle down but all I wanted was you, I needed you so much and you weren't there. But you're here now and you don't need to be scared, you don't need to match up to anybody, they didn't match up to you Shannon, that's the truth,' Josh stroked her cheek and caught some of her tears against his fingers as she looked into his eyes.

She leaned forward and planted a kiss against his full lips, slowly and tentatively she opened her lips slightly and she felt his tongue slowly push itself into her mouth, both of them moaned as Shannon responded by sliding her tongue past his to explore the mouth she'd missed for so long. Her hands wandered into his thick hair as the kiss became more intense, she could feel her pulse racing and lust seemed to seep out of every one of her pores. She pulled him backwards so that he was lying on top of her, running her hands over his muscular back as she felt his erection press against her stomach, it felt so good, so right.

'DADDYYYY!'

Josh instantly pulled away and couldn't help but laugh as Shannon continued to stroke his back.

'I so knew that was gonna happen,' Shannon giggled back as Josh got up from the couch and slowly began to make his way to the door.

'DADDDYYY! THERE'S A SPIDER COME ON COME ON!'

Josh took one last longing look at Shannon before he disappeared upstairs to kill the tiny spider that was on the ceiling above Caitlin's bed.

Whilst Josh was gone Shannon tried her best to cool down after their passionate kiss. If Caitlin hadn't called they probably would have ended up doing something more than just kissing and in a way, she was glad they had been disturbed. It didn't feel right having sex with their daughter upstairs, she doubted that she'd be able to keep herself from crying out and she didn't really want Caitlin to hear what they were doing. Josh's words had been exactly what she needed to hear though, she could always tell if he was lying or not and he hadn't been, he'd told the truth. She'd spent so much time worrying about the other women that he'd had and she finally realised that they didn't matter, what mattered is that Josh was here with her, if he wanted to live the single life he would have been honest and told her that from the start but he didn't, he wanted to settle down and be with her.

Once Josh had disposed of the spider in the toilet he made his way back downstairs to Shannon who was still sat on the couch. She turned and smiled at him as soon as he closed the door behind him.

'So, can we start where we left off?' Josh grinned as he took a seat next to her once again.

'As long as you know that it's not going any further, I mean I DO want to but with Caitlin upstairs….'

'Sshh don't worry, I feel the same way. It does feel kinda naughty making out down here whilst she's upstairs though, it's like that night you were babysitting for the Meyer kids and you snuck me in and we made out on the couch,' Josh grinned as he leaned forward and began to plant kisses on her soft neck.

'Mmm and you had to sneak out through the back window because they came home early, I remember,' Shannon sighed as Josh's lips scraped against hers.

Within seconds they were making out again as they fell back on the sofa and kissed like they were never going to get another chance. Josh could feel himself getting hard again, he couldn't help it, he'd waited so long for this to happen, if he was this hard just from kissing her fuck knows what he would be like when he actually made love to her again.

'Mmmmm Joshua…' Shannon whined against his lips as she felt his erection press into her once again.

'Wanna stop?' Josh pulled back and looked at her, he didn't think he could continue for much longer, he was aching to do more than just kiss but they just couldn't, not when Caitlin was upstairs.

'Sorry, I know I'm fucking stupid I mean you're fucking hot! I should be dragging you to bed right now,' Shannon smiled as she pressed her lips against his once again.

'Stop saying sorry or I'll have to spank your ass,' Josh grinned as he pushed himself off of her and sat up on the couch. Shannon manoeuvred herself so she was sat with her head resting against his chest.

'Be careful, I might be like Rosa,' Shannon laughed as Josh wrapped his arms around her waist.

'As I remember it, you liked me taking control,' Josh growled as he pressed a kiss on top of her head.

'Well we can take it in turns that is when we get to actually do more than kiss, I know that Caitlin would be okay here with your dad if we decided to book a hotel or something but I don't know, I just don't feel ready to leave her yet. I know that you're probably sick of waiting and I guess I still feel a little embarrassed…'

'Why would you feel embarrassed baby? I don't understand,' Josh asked as he stroked her hair.

'I mean my body has changed Josh, my boobs are a little saggy, I have stretch marks and my stomach is bigger…'

'Shannon seriously, stop.' Josh sat up a little and looked into Shannon's eyes, she had no need to be ashamed or embarrassed about her body, she was beautiful and in his eyes no one could ever match up to her. 'You are really fucking hot, you need to stop talking about yourself so badly Shannon, there's nothing wrong with you! I don't care if you have stretch marks or if your boobs are saggy which by the way, they look pretty fucking good to me! I love you, every inch of you from top to bottom and you drive me fucking crazy, you always have.'

Shannon couldn't help but smile back at him, he'd always made her feel so special and beautiful and hearing the sincerity in his voice as he spoke made her love him all the more.

'I can't believe how patient you are, most guys would have left me for not putting out by now but not you, you're a real sweetheart aren't you?' Shannon smirked as she traced his face with her fingers.

'Yeah I am, well when it comes to you and Caitlin anyway, out at sea I'm a tough motherfucker so don't go ruining my 'cool' image when you meet some of the guys okay?' Josh smiled back at Shannon as she continued to touch his face.

'I can't wait to meet some of your friends, neither can Caitlin. She keeps talking about these Hillstrand guys, who are they?' Shannon asked.

'Sit back honey, there's so much to tell you,' Josh chuckled as he began to explain who the Hillstrands were.

Josh told her story after story about Andy and John, Shannon thought that Josh was crazy but by the sounds of it he had NOTHING on these guys! She couldn't wait to meet them though, she couldn't wait to meet all of Josh's friends, she just hoped that they would like her.

They sat up for a few hours talking about different things from Caitlin to their plans for the future. Shannon still found it hard to think beyond the next month, Caitlin had to go back for tests in a couple of weeks to see if the cancer had come back once again, if the tests were clear then she would be officially cleared of the leukaemia that she'd battled for so long, if they weren't then they were back to square one once again. She wanted to look ahead and plan for the future but right now all she could think about was Caitlin getting the all clear. Once that had happened she could decide what she wanted to do, from what Josh was saying it sounded like he wanted to go back to Seattle and to her that sounded like a good idea. Now that she wasn't speaking to her mother there was nothing to keep her here. Caitlin didn't like her school all that much, she had a few friends but she was sure that she wouldn't mind moving if it meant her parents being together. She'd missed Seattle ever since she'd left so abruptly, to go back and make a home there with Josh would be a dream come true, she just hoped that Caitlin's tests would come back clear and that the dream would actually become reality for all of them.

Once Shannon's yawns became more and more frequent, Josh finally persuaded her to go to bed. When they got under the covers they made out a little once more before Shannon became too tired to keep her eyes open. Josh watched her intently as she slept, she would never know how beautiful she was but to him that made her all the more attractive in his eyes. Josh knew that her self-confidence issues stemmed from having a bitch of a mother that put her down at every opportunity and the fact that when they'd first got together in High School, the popular girls had mocked her for being too fat and too ugly to date someone as 'hot' as him.

He'd tried to protect her as much as he could but girls could be fucking horrible to one another when they wanted to be. He knew why they were so nasty to her, they were threatened by her because she had it all, beauty and brains. Shannon didn't see it that way of course, she never would, but he was going to tell her every single fucking day that she was beautiful. He wanted her to feel special because she was special, she was his love, the mother of his child, without her his life would be the same myriad of parties, girls and days spent lying in bed recovering from the night before. Now, he had a purpose, his life had meaning, he had his two girls to take care of for the rest of his life. Now he knew and understood why his father had been so hard and tough on him, he was preparing him for this and he was ready because of him.

Josh didn't close his eyes until he heard his father come home at just after midnight. Once he knew that his dad was back safe he soon fell to sleep, wrapping his arms around Shannon's sweet body as he drifted off into a blissful dream.

It was just past two in the morning when his dreams were interrupted by a loud banging at the front door. Both he and Shannon woke with a start and just after the banging Caitlin ran into their room obviously worried and scared about just who the fuck was at their door at this hour in the morning.

'It's okay honey, you stay up here with your mom, I'll go and see who it is,' Josh got out of bed and pulled on a shirt and his sweatpants, he was about to go downstairs when Shannon called after him.

'Be careful Joshua, if you don't know who it is call the Police, I don't want you to get hurt,' Shannon bit down hard on her lip as she hugged Caitlin.

Josh smiled back at her, he had a feeling that he knew who it was at the door and seeing his dad running down the hallway told him that he thought the same thing.

He closed the bedroom door behind him and ran after his father, he got to the top of the stairs just in time to see Phil opening the front door, he stopped dead when he saw a pale and sick looking Jake standing on his front door step.

'Jesus fucking Christ Jake, what the hell have you been doing?' Phil pulled his youngest into the house and closed the door behind him. He tried his best to keep his voice down, he didn't want his granddaughter to see her uncle like this, he looked like he was at death's fucking door.

Josh made his way down the stairs, he had to be strong now, between him and his father they had to make Jake see that he needed help because he couldn't go on like this, the partying had gone too far, way too fucking far. Looking at Jake he could tell that it wasn't just drink that had made him get into this state, he was into way more than that, way fucking more.

'Let's get him in the lounge, I don't want Caitlin to see him like this, she's scared enough as it is,' Josh said to his dad as Jake stared at him with his glazed over bloodshot brown eyes.

Josh wasn't even sure if he knew where he was, it was a miracle that he'd found his way back here. Josh and Phil managed to get Jake in the lounge and put him to sit on the couch, Josh sat down next to him whilst Phil began to pace around.

'Jake? What happened bro?' Josh tried to remain calm, as much as he wanted to slap Jake stupid for getting into such a fucking mess he'd promised both Caitlin and Shannon that he wouldn't do that kind of shit anymore.

'I um, guess I drank too much, just need to sleep it off,' Jake shrugged.

'Drank too much? Don't fucking sit there and lie Jacob! You've got problems and this is the last fucking straw! You're going to rehab and I am not taking no for an answer!' Phil snapped, he couldn't take this shit anymore, he was not going to stand by and let his youngest son fuck his life up before his very eyes.

'Yeah, good idea, go tomorrow,' Jake yawned and Josh knew that he was in no fit state to be given an ass chewing by his dad right now.

Before Phil could say anything else Josh stood up and all but pushed Phil out of the room as Jake curled up on the sofa. Josh took his father into the kitchen and shut the door behind them.

'What the fuck are you doing? We need talk some fucking sense into him!'

'Dad he's wasted! He doesn't even know what you're fucking saying and keep your fucking voice down, I don't want Shannon and Caitlin hearing any of this!'

'We have to do something! I'm calling the Betty Ford place, he's going there tomorrow and he is gonna sort his fucking shit out!' Phil yelled before he turned around and grabbed his cell phone off the kitchen table then unlocked the back door, slamming it shut behind him as he went outside.

Josh buried his head in his hands and sat down at the kitchen table. He knew that Jake needed rehab and he knew that there was no way in hell that he was going to persuade his dad to calm down. Jake was completely out of it, when he woke up tomorrow and found out that dad had booked him a place in rehab he was going to go completely fucking crazy. It was all such a huge clusterfuck and he felt helpless, what could he fucking do?

'There's lots of shouting mom, is everything gonna be okay?' Caitlin looked up at Shannon who guessed that Jake had made his return.

'It's gonna be fine honey, you just stay up here, I need to go and make sure that things are okay,' Shannon smiled at her daughter before she got up and wrapped her dressing gown around herself.

When she got downstairs all she could hear was complete silence, the shouting had finished almost as quickly as it had started. She was about to open the lounge door when the kitchen door opened, she turned to see a stressed looking Josh standing in the doorway running his hand through his hair.

'I'm so sorry, I tried to tell my dad to keep the noise down, you don't fucking need this shit neither does Caitlin,' Josh sighed heavily.

'Neither do you Joshua,' Shannon replied before making her way over to him and wrapping her arms around his neck.

She couldn't really imagine how difficult this was for him and his father, seeing someone go through addiction definitely wasn't easy and she could only hope that Caitlin never walked down that path because it would devastate her. All she could do was try and support both Josh and Phil as they tried to help Jake.

'Is Caitlin okay?' Josh whispered into her ear as she continued to hold him.

'She could hear some of the shouting, I think she'll be okay when we go back upstairs, maybe she can stay in our room tonight?' Shannon said and Josh shrugged his shoulders.

'I don't even know if I'll be going back to bed tonight. Dad's going crazy, he's calling the Betty Ford Clinic to try and get Jake a place there later on today, fuck knows what Jake will do when he comes off his fucking high,' Josh sighed.

'Hopefully he'll see sense and agree to go, if you're gonna stay up I'll go and settle Caitlin and come back down, I don't want you to be on your own,' Shannon replied before planting a kiss on his lips.

'You don't need to sit up with me Shannon, I'll be okay.'

'I want to Joshua, I know how hard this if for you and I want to be here for you, it's not a problem,' Shannon smiled back at him.

'In that case, I better put on a pot of coffee, it's gonna be a long night,' Josh leaned in and kissed her properly taking her breath away and sending shivers down her spine.

They kissed for a few minutes before Shannon eventually pulled away to go back upstairs and check on Caitlin. She crept back into her room just in case she was asleep but she was sat up in bed wide awake. Shannon explained that Jake was back home and that he wasn't feeling too well, Caitlin didn't ask any questions and Shannon didn't feel the need to tell her any more right now. Instead she lay back in bed with her daughter and waited until she'd fallen asleep before she quietly got out of bed and went back downstairs.

When she got back into the kitchen, Josh and Phil were sat at the kitchen table having a pretty heated discussion about Jake.

'Dad, I'm just saying that just because you've got him a place at the clinic it doesn't mean that Jake is gonna take this seriously! You have to be prepared in case this doesn't go how you want it to!'

'He's going to that clinic and he is gonna stay there until he sorts his shit out! I don't even fucking know why we're arguing about this Joshua!'

'I'm not arguing! I'm just trying to make you see that things might not be as easy as you fucking think they're gonna be okay?'

'You think I find this shit easy? You think putting him in a treatment programme is easy? You don't have a fucking clue how hard this is for me!'

'Yes I do! He's my fucking brother!'

'Both of you just stop right now!' Shannon had stood back and allowed the men to continue without saying anything but at that point she had to intervene.

'This isn't helping anyone! Shouting, arguing, yelling, it's just gonna make things a million fucking times worse! We all need to stick together, we have to stick together!' Josh and Phil both looked at each other and realised that she was right, this was no time to be arguing amongst themselves.

'You're not gonna make us kiss and make up are you?' Josh turned to look at Shannon who just shook her head.

'No but I suggest the two of you go outside to have a smoke and cool down, I'll make us some coffee, in fact I might even put a little whiskey in it, I feel like I could use a drink,' Shannon sighed heavily as Phil disappeared outside, Josh didn't move though, he just stood by the kitchen table staring at her.

'In the morning I think you should take Caitlin out of here for a while, I don't want her to be around when Jake wakes up, chances are he's not gonna be very happy when he finds out what dad has done. I don't want here seeing him or hearing him,' Josh said, he felt bad about this, he just wanted life to be fucking perfect for his two girls and it wasn't, it was nowhere near fucking perfect.

'I was thinking the same thing, the problem is, what's gonna happen if Jake refuses to go? What then?' Shannon replied and Josh shrugged.

'I won't let him stay here if that's what you're thinking, I'm not having him anywhere near Caitlin or you when he's like this, he'll find somewhere to go, he always does,' Josh knew that he sounded cold but he didn't know what else to do. He wasn't giving Jake money for a hotel, he'd spend it on drink and drugs and there was no fucking way that he could stay here, what if Caitlin found his stash and decided to try some?

'Let's just hope that he decides to go, I want the awkward, cheeky Jake back, he was a pretty cool kid,' Shannon smirked as she remembered the younger Jake, the Jake who'd bugged the hell out of here and interrupted their make out sessions hundreds of times.

'I do too, I do too,' Josh smiled sadly as he remembered the brother he'd had before the drugs and drink had taken hold of him.

He'd been lucky, he could have gone down the exact same path as Jake. He'd dabbled but drugs just weren't his thing, seeing so many of his friends ruin themselves by getting wasted on them every weekend had kind of put him off for life.

Before he went to join his dad outside, he walked over to Shannon and planted a soft kiss on her lips. He didn't say anything but the look he gave her was enough to let her know what he was thinking. She watched as he disappeared outside to join Phil and she began silently praying that Jake would see sense and get help, she couldn't stand seeing Joshua and Phil so defeated and sad.

Early The Next Morning

'Mom, why do we have to go out so early? I'm tired,' Caitlin yawned as Shannon helped pull her sweatshirt over her head.

'We need to go get some groceries honey and then I thought I could take you to see that movie you were talking about the other day,' Shannon smiled as she tried her best to remain happy go lucky despite the long, sleepless night she'd had.

'But daddy got groceries yesterday, we don't need anything else. We're going because of Uncle Jake aren't we?' Caitlin asked, Shannon should have known that her daughter wouldn't miss a beat, she should have just been honest with her from the start.

'Okay you got me,' Shannon held her hands up signifying defeat, 'yes we're going because daddy and granddad need to talk to Jake. It's a serious conversation so I thought that we should give them some time alone, we'll come back in a few hours.'

'Daddy isn't gonna get nasty again is he?' Caitlin asked and Shannon shook her head.

'No honey he's not, they just need to try and help Uncle Jake get better okay? When you're older, this will make a lot more sense than it does right now trust me,' Shannon replied, she felt like shit because she didn't know how much to tell her. Should she go into all the gory details about drug use now or wait until she was older? She had no fucking clue!

'I hope he gets better, it's not nice being sick, I hope I'm not gonna get sick again,' Caitlin sighed and the look on her face made Shannon wrap her arms around her.

'I hope so too honey, I love you so much,' Shannon told her that so many times a day that she was probably sick of hearing it.

They spent a few more minutes getting ready before heading downstairs and into the kitchen where Josh and Phil were sitting drinking yet another cup of coffee.

'Hey girls, you ready to head out?' Josh got up from his seat and walked over to Caitlin to give her a hug and a kiss.

'Yep, we'll be back in a few hours, is there anything you want while we're out?' Shannon asked and Josh shook his head before leaning forward to whisper in her ear.

'I'll send you a text when everything is sorted out okay?' Shannon nodded and smiled as she stepped back from him, she couldn't show Caitlin that she was nervous about what might happen when they were gone.

'Well good luck, I love you,' Shannon kissed Josh before going over to Phil to give him a hug.

A few minutes later, Josh stood by the front door of the house and watched as Shannon backed out of the drive and drove off down the street. He felt bad about more or less kicking them out of the house but he really did not want Caitlin to see Jake as he was. He wanted to be positive, he wanted to believe that Jake would just agree to go to rehab and their problems would be over but he was realistic. He'd seen plenty of guys go to rehab then come out and after a few days they cracked and started to use all over again, rehab wasn't a guaranteed fix for everything, his dad seemed to think it was but rehab was just the start of a very long and treacherous road.

As soon as he closed the front door behind him he was about to make his way back into the kitchen when he heard movement in the lounge. His hand reached for the door handle when suddenly the door opened from the other side and he came face to face with his brother. Jake stared at him for a moment, Josh could see that he was still pretty fucked up on whatever shit he'd decided to take.

'Hey man, thanks for giving me the couch last night, can you give me some money for a cab? I'm just gonna pick up the rest of my stuff then go, I met this chick and…'

'Stop right there Jake. You're not getting any money from me or from dad and you are not going anywhere so don't even think about trying to leave,' Josh snapped, he couldn't fucking believe that he was so fucking calm and relaxed, he'd turned up here high as fuck knowing that there was a child in the house and he really did not give a fucking shit.

'Dad!' Josh called out and Jake took the split second opportunity to try and push past him but Josh was far too quick and strong for him.

By the time Phil came out of the kitchen, Josh had Jake pinned up against the wall.

'What are you gonna do huh? Punch me again? Come on then Josh, show me what a big, tough fucking guy you are! Make Caitlin and Shannon proud!' Jake laughed as Josh tried to keep his cool.

'I'm not playing this game with you Jake, this isn't you talking, this is the fucking shit you have in your veins! What happened to you bro? Why, why did you fucking do this?' Josh tried to get some sense out of him but that wasn't gonna happen, Jake didn't want to listen, he was too far gone to listen.

'The only place you're gonna go today is rehab Jacob. I called the Betty Ford Clinic last night, you're gonna get your shit together…'

'I do not HAVE a fucking problem! You can't make me go anywhere!' Jake snapped, Josh knew there and then that there was no point in arguing with him, he was an adult and he was right, they couldn't make him go anywhere. Sure they could drag him to rehab but as soon as they left he would just check himself out and head back out onto the streets once again.

'Take a fucking look at yourself in the fucking mirror Jake! Look at you! You're a fucking mess! If you don't get help….'

'Just leave me the fuck alone!'

Josh didn't know how he managed to get the strength to do it but with one huge lunge forward, Jake kicked his legs out from under him and Josh went flying backwards.

He managed to get up on his feet just in time to stop his father from going after him as he bolted through the front door.

'LET ME GO!'

'NO! You can't help him dad, you can't! Let him go, just let him go!'

Phil struggled for a few seconds before he realised that it was no good, Jake would be gone by now and he knew that Josh was right, he couldn't help someone who didn't want to help themselves.

Josh relaxed his grip on Phil when he felt him stop struggling. He hadn't wanted to restrain his dad but he didn't want him getting hurt and the look in Jake's eyes just before he kicked him scared him, he'd never seen his brother so fucking angry before and full of hate.

The person he'd just seen wasn't his brother, he didn't know who he was anymore.

**Once again, my apologies for the darkness towards the end of this chapter. I know I am changing how the addiction storyline played out and some might see this as crass and innapropriate, I don't mean to offend anyone or make anyone upset. I don't know what to say really, it felt awkward to write but at the same time it seems to fit.**


	25. Chapter 25

**Thanks for the reviews as always. Sorry this has taken so long to update once again, this is a LONG, emotional rollercoaster of a chapter so be prepared and keep those reviews coming in please! :)**

Chapter Twenty Five

Shannon sat alone in the kitchen looking through some old photo albums of Caitlin. She'd found the pictures just a couple of days ago after she'd finally emptied the last of her boxes. She should have sorted her shit out ages ago but what with all the goings on over the past few weeks she'd kind of put it to the back of her mind.

Jake's problems had taken a toll on everyone, Phil had heard from a friend of his back home that Jake had gone back to Seattle a few days ago and he was hitting the bar and club scene hard. Phil had wanted to go to Seattle to try and talk some sense into him but Josh had managed to change his mind and Shannon was glad. She liked having Phil around and so did Caitlin, he needed to be here with them for the time being, especially seeing as Caitlin's all important hospital visit was tomorrow. Just a couple of days ago, she and Josh had taken Caitlin back to the hospital for blood tests and scans, the results were now back and it was time for them to find out if their little girl was going to be okay or if the cancer had come back once again.

That's why instead of being in bed trying to sleep Shannon was sitting up looking at pictures of her daughter. Caitlin was so happy now, she talked constantly about what she wanted to do when she was older, how she wanted to go out on the boat with her dad and granddad and how she would just LOVE to be a bridesmaid at her parents wedding. She had so much to live for, so much to do but that could all be taken away from her tomorrow if the Clare told them that her cancer was back again.

They'd spent so much time worrying about Jake and wondering what they were going to do about him recently that thoughts of her daughters cancer coming back had managed to float to the back of her mind. Over the past few days though those thoughts had come back stronger than ever before, she kept looking at Caitlin trying to see if she looked sick, if she could notice any sign that it was back but to her she looked much better. If she was sick again surely there would be some sort of sign? Surely Caitlin wouldn't be running around without a care in the world as her daddy played soccer with her in the park? But then she wasn't a medical professional, she couldn't actually SEE the cancer, Caitlin could be feeling fine whilst the horrible fucking disease was beginning to build inside her once again and if it was, Shannon was powerless to fucking stop it.

She kept staring at one particular photograph in the album, the very first photograph that had been taken of Caitlin. It had been taken just a couple of hours after her birth, Shannon remembered taking it herself because no one was there to take a photograph of both of them together. She'd been in labour for almost twenty hours, she was tired physically and mentally but the night that she was born she got no sleep. As soon as the midwife placed Caitlin in her arms the love she had for her almost made her explode, she couldn't and wouldn't take her eyes off of her, she swore that she would do anything to protect her, she'd promised her that she would always be safe and she hadn't kept that promise, she could only look at the photographs in front of her and hope that the family albums wouldn't be coming to a premature end. She wanted to see Caitlin grow into a woman, she just prayed that she would get that chance.

Josh turned in his sleep, searching for Shannon's body which he'd somehow lost at some point during the night. His arms reached over to her side of the bed but she wasn't there, the fact that she was missing made him open his eyes and slowly sit up in bed. He looked across the room to their bathroom expecting to see a light on but no, the bathroom was empty. He was tired, really fucking tired, but he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep without her lying next to him so instead of lying back down he got up out of bed and pulled on some sweatpants and a shirt.

He tiptoed down the hallway to Caitlin's room and quietly opened the door. His daughter was fast asleep in her bed and Shannon was nowhere to be seen so she had to be downstairs, she would hardly jump into bed with Phil….he hoped not anyway, so he started to make his way downstairs.

When he reached the last step he noticed that the light was on in the kitchen, he should have realised that she wouldn't get any sleep tonight, he was amazed that he'd managed to drift off himself. Once he reached the door of the kitchen, he looked in and found Shannon sitting at the kitchen table engrossed in a photo album that was sat on the table.

He guessed that the photographs were of Caitlin, he hadn't seen them yet, he was planning on waiting until she had the all clear before he looked at them but seeing as Shannon was going through the albums now, he felt that it was right for him to join in.

'Hey baby, how long have you been up?' Josh's voice made the hairs on Shannon's neck stand up as she turned to see him walking towards her.

'A couple of hours, I watched you sleep for a while, then I thought I'd come down here and take a look at some of these old photographs,' Josh sat down next to her and wrapped one of his arms around her waist as he looked at the photo album that Shannon had open in front of her.

Staring back at him were pictures of his beautiful daughter as a new born baby, he felt so proud when he looked at them but at the same time he just felt so fucking sad. Sad because he would never get the chance to hold her in his arms as a baby, sad because these photographs might soon be the only thing he'd have left of his little girl.

'She was so small, look at her fingers,' Josh sighed as he found himself unable to look away from the images of his little one.

'She was six pounds eight ounces but Jesus when I was pushing her out it felt like she was ten times that weight!' Shannon laughed as Josh's eyes connected with hers.

'You had someone there with you didn't you? You didn't go through that alone?' Josh had never asked about their daughter's birth before, he probably should have but with everything that had gone on since he'd got here a lot of questions had slipped to the back of his mind.

'Mom was there, not that she was much help, she kept praying for me but she never held my hand or anything. The midwife, Sarah, she was amazing, she got me through it,' Shannon smiled as Josh leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on her lips.

'Mom left not long after she was born, she wasn't exactly a happy grandmother, she was ashamed more than anything else. When I was alone, holding her in my arms, I thought about calling you and telling you everything, I really did Joshua but I was still so fucking scared. I wish I had, I wish I could go back and change everything to give you more time with her…'

'Hey, hey don't talk like that baby, we have plenty of time left with her, plenty!' Josh began to stroke her back as he saw the tears beginning to pool in her eyes.

'How do you know that Josh? If the cancer is back, the chances are she won't make it, you and I both know that. We have to be realistic, a lot of kids don't get through this…'

'She's not just any kid Shannon, she's OUR kid! She's tough, she's strong, she's a fighter! Most kids wouldn't have got this far but look at her, she's been running around, playing soccer, laughing, joking, she's NOT sick, I know she's not!' Josh didn't know who he was trying to convince more, Shannon or himself.

'You don't know Josh! I really fucking wish you did, I really want to believe that everything will be okay but I'm scared, I'm so fucking scared!' Shannon buried her face in her hands and started to cry, she'd been so strong over the past couple of months but now she just needed him to hold her close and that's what he did.

Josh wrapped his arms around her and let her cry. He was close to tears himself but he managed to hold them back, one of them had to be strong right now. Of course he was absolutely fucking terrified about what might happen at the hospital, of course he was scared about losing the daughter that he loved more than life itself but until the doctor actually told them that the cancer was back he was going to believe that it wasn't. Caitlin had so much to live for, the thought of her being taken away just didn't make sense to him, she was so fucking innocent and good, children shouldn't have to suffer and die so young.

'I'm sorry,' Shannon whispered when she'd managed to calm down a little after a few minutes.

'You don't need to say sorry baby, I understand. Things will be okay, I know they will, our baby will be okay,' Josh whispered back to her as he continued to hold her in his arms. 'Come on, let's put this away and look at it tomorrow with Caitlin, you need to try and get some rest baby.'

Josh closed the photo album and pulled Shannon out of her chair, guiding her out of the cold kitchen and back up the stairs to their bedroom. Shannon followed him without saying a word, she felt like she was in some sort of a trance and only he could do that to her. She laid down in their bed first and crawled over to the other side so Josh could slide down next to her.

She all but buried herself in his arms as he wrapped them around her cold body in an attempt to warm her up.

'Just close your eyes baby, everything will be okay, I promise you that it will all be okay,' Josh whispered softly as he gently started to rock her in his arms.

Shannon closed her eyes as she let herself drown in the scent of him, if anyone could make her feel calm and relaxed it was him. The more time she spent with him the deeper she was falling under his spell just like she had as a teenager but this time she knew that they were going to make it work, to make it last. She soon found herself drifting off to sleep in his arms and Josh wasn't far behind her.

They remained locked together in each other's arms for the rest of the night until they were awoken by Caitlin running into their room.

'Come on get up! We're gonna be late!'

Shannon jolted awake when she heard her daughter's voice yelling from the foot of their bed.

'What time is it?' She asked as she turned to look at the clock alongside the bed.

'It's almost nine o clock, we've gotta be there at eleven!' Caitlin yelled again and Shannon could hear the panic in her voice.

'We'll be there on time honey, I'll jump in the shower and be down in fifteen minutes to make you some breakfast,' Shannon climbed out of bed and made her way towards her daughter to give her a hug.

'I'm really scared mom,' Caitlin said quietly as Shannon hugged her.

'Don't be scared baby, no matter what happens we'll be here for you. Your daddy, your granddad and me,' Shannon stroked her daughter's face as she tried her best to reassure her.

'If I'm sick again, will you and daddy make me a promise?' Caitlin looked over at Josh who was getting out of bed to join his girls in a hug.

'What promise do you want us to make baby?' Josh asked as he looked down at his daughter.

'I want you to get married…'

'Honey, we've talked about this before….' Shannon tried to interrupt but Caitlin wasn't going to stop.

'I'm not stupid mom! I know that I probably won't make it if the cancer is back again and I want to see you get married, I want to know that you'll be okay if something bad happens to me and I know that daddy will take care of you, I don't want you to be alone,' Caitlin began to cry and Shannon couldn't help but cry with her.

Josh stood back and watched as his girls hugged each other and cried, he choked back his own tears but he was unable to speak, if he opened his mouth right now he knew he would lose it completely and he had to try and be the strong one right now. Caitlin's words had made him realise exactly what he had to do no matter what the doctor had to tell them today.

When a few minutes had passed and his girls had stopped crying, Josh kneeled down in front of Caitlin and held her tears soaked cheeks in his hands.

'No matter what happens today baby, your mom is never, ever gonna be on her own again okay? She's got me, you've got me and I am not going anywhere, ever, you got that?' Josh said quietly and Caitlin nodded.

Shannon watched as Josh pulled his little girl into a hug and once again she started to fucking cry. She was hoping, no scratch that, she was PLEADING with any higher power that would listen for her daughter to be okay. If she had to be taken instead of her then she would lay down her life right now, nothing could happen to Caitlin, it just couldn't.

'Okay baby, your mom and I need to start getting ready or we will be late, I can smell pancakes downstairs, grandpa must be cooking your favourite for ya,' Josh smiled as a little smirk appeared on Caitlin's face.

'Grandpa makes the best pancakes ever!' Caitlin smiled as Shannon managed to get a hold of herself and cross her arms whilst looking at her daughter.

'I thought that I made the best pancakes ever?' Shannon pouted.

'Sorry mom, grandpa kinda beats yours but only by a little bit! You still make the best mac and cheese!' Caitlin smiled as Shannon leaned down to plant a kiss on her forehead.

'Well you go and fill that little stomach with as many pancakes as you can handle baby, your dad and I need to get ready or we will be late,' Shannon smiled before she too kneeled down to come face to face with Caitlin. 'You are such a brave, strong, special girl my darling, I am so proud of you and I love you so very much. No matter what happens today we are going to be there for you every step of the way.'

'I know mom, I love you,' Caitlin wrapped her arms around Shannon for one last time before Shannon sent her downstairs to have some breakfast.

It was coming up to nine thirty by the time Caitlin left the room and both she and Josh ran around like crazy to get themselves ready to leave the house by ten thirty. Josh was ready in twenty minutes, he was used to getting ready in record time, Shannon was a different story. By the time she'd done her thing, Josh, Phil and Caitlin were waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs as she came running down them and sat on the bottom step to put her boots on.

'Sorry, I went as fast as I could!' Shannon said breathlessly as she stood up and pulled on her jacket.

'We saved you some pancakes mom, you can have some when we get back, well, if we get back,' Caitlin said sadly and Shannon instantly took her hand.

'Whatever Clare tells us today, we are coming home tonight and having a meal here together, daddy might even sing High School Musical for you,' Shannon smiled as she tried to make her daughter feel better, she knew deep down that nothing other than the all clear would make her feel okay but she had to at least try and be positive.

'I'll make a deal, I sing High School Musical if you sing some Hannah Montana,' Josh smirked and Shannon nodded.

'You got a deal mister,' she smiled even though on the inside she felt like she was dying. She just wanted to get this over with, she needed to know what was going to happen to her beautiful girl.

'Right we'd better go or we'll be late,' Phil said as he began to edge them all out of the house.

He'd been a Captain of a crab boat facing life threatening conditions out on the Bering Sea for over thirty years but this day was the most terrifying, frightening and scary time he had ever been through in his entire fucking life. He'd grown so fucking close to his granddaughter, she was feisty, loud, funny, she reminded him SO much of Joshua as a child and he loved her with every single fibre of his being. He'd even grown close to Shannon once again, the woman that he was convinced he would hate for the rest of his days but ever since Jake had left she'd taken care of him, she'd been there for him even though he'd treated her like shit when he'd first got here. He loved both of them and he knew what losing Caitlin would do to her, it would tear him to pieces so he couldn't even imagine what kind of pain Shannon and Josh would feel, they would never get over it and he knew that each of their lives would fall apart and never be the same again. This day was the turning point in all their lives and he felt sick to his fucking stomach.

Shannon made sure that the house was locked up and secure whilst the other's made their way to the car. She took a moment alone to try and gather herself, she had to be strong from this point on, crying wouldn't help Caitlin at all, it would just make her worse and she needed a strong momma now, not a weak one.

Once she had taken a few deep breaths she followed the three of them to the car and got into the backseat alongside Caitlin who immediately reached for her hand and grasped it tightly. None of them spoke on the short journey to the hospital and the tension could be cut with a knife.

When they pulled up outside the hospital Caitlin's grip on Shannon's hand tightened all the more and Shannon planted a kiss on her head to try and calm her down a little.

'I can't go mom, I can't go in there again,' as soon as Shannon opened the car door Caitlin pulled her back and started to cry.

'Baby we have to go…..'

'NO! Daddy and granddad can go in, I can't I can't!' Caitlin started to cry so much that she began to hyperventilate and Shannon immediately began to rub her back and encourage her daughter to take deep breaths to try and help her.

Josh looked on and felt like a useless prick because he didn't know what to do.

'We've got five minutes till we're meant to be in there, maybe we should go in alone and leave you girls here?' Phil offered and Shannon turned to him and shook her head.

Caitlin wasn't in any fit state to get out of the car and if the test results were all clear there was no need for her to go back into the hospital again. As much as she wanted to be there when Clare gave the news, she couldn't leave Caitlin when she was like this, she just couldn't.

'You two go in, we'll be fine,' Shannon looked at Josh who briefly met her gaze and nodded before shutting his door as Phil did the same.

'It's okay baby, daddy and granddad are going in, we're staying here, just breathe baby, just breathe,' Shannon quietly whispered to Caitlin who started to calm down and settle herself.

She could only hope that Phil and Josh would come back with good news, if they didn't then she didn't know what the hell they were going to do.

'Jesus Christ how long is this fucking elevator gonna take!' Josh punched the elevator button in frustration as they waited for it to arrive on the ground floor.

'I know this is hard son but you need to calm down or you'll get us fucking kicked outta here before we've even seen the doc!' Phil said quietly as he patted Josh on the back.

Josh nodded and tried as hard as he could to remain calm and composed even though every inch of him was shaking. When the elevator finally arrived, he and Phil quickly made their way inside and pressed the button to shut the doors behind them, they didn't have time to fuck around. It was already a minute past eleven and for all they knew Clare could be calling them now.

As soon as they got to the third floor, Josh ran on ahead to the reception desk to give his name and no sooner had the receptionist taken down his details, Clare poked her head out of her room and smiled at him.

'Where are Caitlin and Shannon? They are coming today aren't they?' Clare asked as Josh walked over to shake her hand, Phil caught up just in time to do the same before Josh explained why Caitlin and Shannon were absent.

'Oh no! Is Caitlin alright? Do I need to go down to the car?' Clare asked in a panic and Josh shook his head.

'No she's fine, Shannon's managed to calm her down, she just didn't want to come back into this place,' Josh sighed as Clare opened the door to her room and ushered both he and Phil inside.

'Well I can't blame her for that, we were pretty tough on her,' Clare smiled and Josh just wanted to scream at her to tell him what was going on. 'Don't look so nervous Josh, can't you tell by the smile on my face what news I have for you today?' Clare beamed back at him and Josh's heart all but began to leap out of his chest with joy.

'You, you mean she's okay? She's clear? There's no cancer?' Josh said excitedly as Clare nodded happily.

'She is all clear and she is a perfectly healthy, normal eleven year old girl, it's gone Josh, she's beaten it, she did it,' Clare smiled as Josh just broke down in floods of tears, even Phil began to cry and he NEVER cried.

Josh had never felt so happy and overjoyed in his entire fucking life but his thoughts soon turned to his two girls downstairs waiting in the car for the news. He needed to get to them and tell them that everything was going to be okay, they were all going to be a happy family from now on and Caitlin didn't have to suffer any more.

'I'll bring the girls up here to see you, I think Caitlin will be okay to come in now that we know everything's fine,' Josh wiped his tears away and got up from his seat.

'Want me to come with you?' Phil offered but Josh shook his head.

'I'll be fine, you stay here, I won't be long,' Josh smiled before he left the room, leaving Phil to talk to Clare alone.

Josh ran all the way out of the hospital with such a huge fucking smile on his face, people probably thought that he was nuts but he didn't care, he didn't care one fucking bit.

'Mom?' Caitlin said quietly as Shannon held her in her arms.

'What is it baby?'

'You'll be alright won't you? If anything happens to me I mean,' Caitlin asked and Shannon felt the lump in her throat bulge again, how could she answer that question?

She was trying to put together something in her head which would put Caitlin's mind at ease when suddenly Caitlin's door flew open. Shannon immediately locked eyes with Josh and as soon as she did, she knew that there was no need to respond to Caitlin's question.

'You did it baby, it's gone!' Josh beamed at his daughter who sat open mouthed in silence as Shannon began to cry tears of joy instead of pain.

'I'm not sick anymore? I'll be here to see you get married and have brothers and sisters?' Caitlin asked and both Shannon and Josh burst out laughing.

Not only did she want them to marry but she was now talking about baby brothers and sisters as well? Damn this kid moved pretty quick!

'Yes baby, you're gonna be here for a long, long, long time to come!' Josh smiled back at her before he pulled her out of the car and picked her up, spinning her in his arms as she squealed happily.

Shannon quickly got out of the car and walked around to them with tears still dripping down her face. She had prayed and begged so hard for this moment to come but she knew that the credit for this day belonged to Caitlin and the brilliant doctors who had worked on her so brilliantly and tirelessly.

'Come on mama, come here!' Josh put Caitlin back down on her feet and picked up Shannon instead, causing her to shriek out loud enough for the whole of the hospital to hear, when he began to spin her around though she started to hit his back to get him to stop.

'I'm dizzy! Stop!' She giggled until Josh put her back down on her feet.

She immediately grabbed Caitlin in her arms and gave her the biggest hug she'd ever had in her entire life.

'I love you so much, this is a whole new start for us baby,' Shannon said as Caitlin pulled away from her.

'I might not be sick but I still want you guys to get married and have babies, I think you should do it soon, now that I'm better I can be your wedding planner mommy!' Caitlin clapped excitedly as Josh and Shannon shared a smile between them.

'Okay Vera Wang, when your dad and I do get married, and it might be a while yet, you can be my wedding planner BUT right now, I think we need to go into the hospital so you can see Clare and say thank you to her and all the other doctors and nurses that looked after you,' Shannon replied as Caitlin nodded.

'I made Clare a thank you card, I think she'll love it!' She smiled happily as Josh took Caitlin hand in his and grabbed Shannon's as they all began to walk into the hospital together.

They spent at least an hour in the hospital seeing Clare and saying goodbye to the other staff that had taken such good care of their precious little girl. When they'd finished saying their goodbyes, Josh came up with a brilliant plan which he knew would make Caitlin's day complete.

'Okay here's the plan, why don't you and dad head to Citrus City and get us a table there, Caitlin and I have got something that we need to do,' Josh said as the four of them got outside the hospital.

'Uh and how the hell are we meant to get to Citrus City if you take the car?' Phil replied, looking confused as Josh began to pull some bills out of his wallet.

'Take this, that's more than enough to cover the cab fare from here, just go and don't ask any more questions okay?' Josh replied as he handed the notes over to Phil who looked more than a little suspicious.

'Hmm well don't be long, you know how much I love the cocktails there, I might just have to work my way through the menu while I wait,' Shannon smiled, she had no idea what the fuck was going on but she had a feeling that her daughter and boyfriend were plotting again.

'We won't be long, I promise,' Josh smiled back at her before giving her a kiss.

Both she and Phil exchanged goodbyes with Caitlin and they both watched as they got into the car and drove off.

'Do you know what's going on?' Shannon asked Phil as he lit up a cigarette.

'I have no fucking idea but I do have my own news to share,' Phil smirked.

'Oh yeah and what news is that?' Shannon raised an eyebrow.

'I got myself a date with Clare, seems she likes older men who captain crab boats,' Phil smiled slyly as Shannon began to laugh.

'Oh Jesus, let's hope she doesn't like strap-on dildos like Rosa! Phil, you're a dog you know that right?' Shannon instinctively pulled him into a hug as both of them began to chuckle happily.

'Daddy, where are we going?' Caitlin asked excitedly as Josh drove along the streets to find the place he was looking for. He'd noticed it a while ago, it looked like a pretty decent, high end place and he wanted the best for her, only the best.

'Well, you said you wanted your mom and I to get married right?' Josh asked and Caitlin nodded excitedly. 'Before we can get married, we have to get engaged and I haven't got her a ring yet, that's where I need your help.'

'You're buying her a ring? Oh my Goddd!' Caitlin started to kick the dashboard excitedly and Josh had to try and calm her down as she started reeling off a list of things about a dress, cake, venue…she was definitely going to be a wedding planner when she was older, he'd never seen someone so excited in his life!

It was another ten minutes before Josh finally pulled up to the place that he'd been looking for, Teresa's Jewellers. Before he got out of the car, he thought he'd better tell Caitlin his whole plan before they went to look for the ring.

'Okay here's the deal, I need you to keep this a secret, you can't say one word about this, not even to grandpa,' Josh said as Caitlin looked confused.

'But I thought you were gonna propose today?' Josh shook his head, he knew where he wanted to do this and it wasn't in California. He wanted to go somewhere special to both of them and he knew where that place was.

'It's gonna be a few weeks before I do this, I want it to be really special for your mom and it won't be all that special if I do it here but you are gonna have to help me out okay? We're a team right?' Josh smiled and held up his hand to give her a high five.

'We're a team, the most awesome team ever!' Caitlin smiled before high fiving him and kissing his forehead. 'Let's go get the ring!'

Josh couldn't help but smile as his daughter jumped out of the car and waited for him on the sidewalk. He knew how much this meant to her and he couldn't wait to ask Shannon, the only woman he'd ever loved, to be his beautiful wife.

They both walked hand in hand into the store and they were greeted right away by a female sales assistant called Jane who started to show them their huge selection of engagement rings. There were so many to choose from and Josh really had no clue what to get her, he did know that she wouldn't want anything to elaborate or too expensive but as Jane showed him tray after tray of rings his head was in a complete fucking spin. If he couldn't pick an engagement ring how the fuck was he gonna cope with organizing a wedding?

'Daddy come here!' Josh turned to see Caitlin staring into one of the counters. He walked over to her and she immediately pointed at a platinum ring set with a medium sized ruby with two small diamonds either side. 'This is the one dad, she'll love it I know she will!'

He didn't even look at the price tag, he told Jane that he wanted that ring and Caitlin thankfully knew which size her mom took. When they got to the counter to pay it was only then that he discovered the price, $1500. To him it wasn't all that much, he'd been expecting to pay a lot more but if Caitlin was sure that her mom would love it that was good enough for him.

Now all he had to do was sit down and talk to Shannon about their future. He liked California but it wasn't home to him and he didn't think that Shannon really thought of it as her home either. Tonight he was going to ask her whether she wanted to move back to Seattle, his house had been on the market for a couple of months but he hadn't managed to sell it yet so he still had a home there, a home that he wanted his girls to move into.

The whole day was fantastic, Shannon didn't seem suspicious when they arrived at the restaurant with Caitlin's new clothes, the fact that she'd had a few cocktails before they got there seemed to prevent her from asking too many awkward questions about where they'd been.

After lunch they'd gone back to the house and as promised, Josh sung along to High School fucking Musical whilst Shannon did her best Hannah Montana impression which Josh had filmed to embarrass her with for the rest of her life.

By the time it reached eight o clock, Caitlin was fast asleep on the couch. She hadn't had much sleep the night before so it was no surprise that she'd fallen asleep so early and so quickly. Josh carried her upstairs and placed her in her bed before heading back down to the lounge where Shannon was sat on her own. His dad was upstairs on the laptop checking out emails and sorting out some business back home so it was the perfect time for him to talk to her about leaving California for good.

'I need to talk to you,' Josh sighed as he sat down on the couch next to Shannon who turned to look at him.

'Hmm that sounds ominous!' She smiled as she took one of his hands in hers.

'Well, now that Caitlin has the all clear I was thinking that maybe it was time for us all to make a fresh start, a new start,' Josh started to explain as Shannon sat up.

'Go on,' she replied, she thought she knew where this was heading at least she hoped she knew where this was heading.

'I don't think that you've ever been happy here Shannon, I know that you didn't want to leave Seattle, you left because you felt like you didn't have a choice well now you do have a choice, we have a choice,' Josh looked at her and Shannon smiled at him softly. 'I want us to go home, I want us to go back to Seattle to start a life together, I love you so much and I want you to know that it's okay if you want to stay here, I mean I'll stay….'

'Joshua sshh baby, I want to go back and I already know that Caitlin would love to move there, she wants to be close to her granddad and the boat,' Shannon smiled as she leaned in to plant a kiss on his thick red lips. 'A new start, a new home, a new life, it's exactly what we all need, I love you so much.'

Josh hadn't been expecting the conversation to be over so quickly but he wasn't complaining, not when Shannon pressed her lips against his and they began to make out like a couple of horny teenagers desperate to tear each other's clothes off.

This had been the best day of his life and he knew that he had so many more to come, so many more.


	26. Chapter 26

**Thank you all so much for your reviews and alerts on this story, this is the end folks! BUT I am NOT done with writing Shannon/Josh yet, I feel like there is more to explore and I don't want to give them up just yet so there is going to be a sequel posted probably in the next few days so keep your eyes out for it! **

***WARNING* **

**Towards the end of this chapter things do get a little dirty but I know most of you have been waiting for the dirt so enjoy! If you don't like penises, fannies and anything sexual then this won't be for you!**

**Thanks again everyone and here's to a new season of DC which starts in the UK next Tuesday and Episode 1 aired in the US last night, I can't wait to see it!**

Chapter Twenty Six

Shannon sat down in front of the mirror in her bedroom and began to dry her thick brown hair in preparation for her big date night with Joshua. It had been a long time coming but tonight they were finally going to have the night to themselves, Caitlin was staying over with Phil which meant that her and Josh would be able to cement their relationship at long last.

So much had changed in such a short space of time but everything felt so right. Just a day after Caitlin had got the all clear from the hospital they'd sat her down and told her about their plans to move back to Seattle and she was so excited. There were only a couple of weeks left until Caitlin had to go back to school so instead of waiting around, they'd made the decision to leave California as soon as possible so that's what they had done.

Josh had hired a U Haul to take all of their stuff to Seattle and between her, Josh and Phil they'd shared the twenty hour drive to Seattle without having to stop. So, less than a week after discussing their plans to move, they had done so.

In the couple of weeks that they'd been in Josh's house so much had changed. Caitlin had started at her new school, Josh had been decorating his guest room and his man cave so that Caitlin had two rooms to herself and Shannon had begun the process of studying to get her GED.

When she'd fallen pregnant with Caitlin, she'd dropped out of High School and she'd never had the time to go back and get her GED. She had wanted to go out and get a job as soon as she got here but Josh had insisted that she take the time to get her GED first, she was taking tests online and looking through her old school books to get herself ready to take the real test online. Once she had her GED she wanted to go to college and start the process to become a counsellor. She wanted to help out young girls who found themselves in the position that she had been in when she was sixteen years old.

She was already so much happier here in Seattle than she'd ever been in California, she truly felt like she was at home here and she'd finally found her place in life. Little did she know that life was about to get even more perfect.

'Daddy why don't you scatter some petals on the deck, it'll look so adorbs!' Caitlin clapped as Josh and Phil shared a 'what the fuck' look between them.

'Adorbs? Who the hell is teaching you to talk that way?' Josh asked.

'I heard one of the popular girls say it in school, don't worry, I think it's pretty stupid, I was just messing with ya!' Caitlin smirked before she ran across deck to pick up the red roses that Josh had bought earlier on today.

'Jesus this girl is gonna be the death of me!' Josh shook his head but couldn't help but laugh as Caitlin began to scatter petals across the floor.

'Hey take it easy! I don't want my boat to look like cupid has just barfed all the over the place!' Phil went over and took the roses off Caitlin and started to scatter them himself.

'I can't believe I'm doing this, do not say a word to any of the guys!' Phil said to Caitlin and Josh who just started to laugh.

Josh had been planning this for a couple of weeks now and he couldn't wait until Shannon made her return to the boat. The first and only time she'd been on the Cornelia Marie had been the night when they'd made love for the first time. Josh hoped that first of all, she would agree to be his wife and then she would want to seal the deal by making love for the first time in over ten years.

He guessed that she would be nervous and a little scared, she'd been celibate for ten years after all but in all honesty, he was a little nervous and scared too. There was a huge difference between having sex and making love, the girls he'd been with since Shannon hadn't mattered, he'd treated them like shit and used them to get off but he never cared about their needs or desires. With Shannon it was so different, he wanted her to feel amazing, he wanted to please her and make her scream his name on top of her lungs, what if he couldn't do that now?

'I think we're done here, you'd better go home and sort yourself out, everything will be fine son and remember,' Phil leaned in to whisper in his ear, 'change the fucking sheets afterwards okay?'

Phil thought that he'd been quiet when he said it but Caitlin's raised eyebrows told a different story.

'Why would they have to change the sheets?' Caitlin asked before Josh leaned down to give her a hug and kiss.

'Ask your grandpa seeing as you're staying with him tonight honey,' Josh smiled slyly at Phil who immediately went bright red, why did he have to put his big foot in it all the fucking time?

'Good luck daddy! Call me as soon as she says yes!' Caitlin smiled as she took Phil's hand and began to walk off deck.

'So grandpa, why do they need to change the sheets?'

Josh couldn't help but laugh as Caitlin immediately began to start asking Phil awkward questions, Phil was going to have a long night ahead because Caitlin would not give up until he told her something which she found believable

He walked around the deck one last time to make sure that everything looked okay, the petals were on the floor, the Crystal was chilling in the fridge downstairs and the silk sheets had already been put on Phil's bed in preparation for a long night ahead. He just hoped that everything went to plan.

Shannon was busy getting ready for her date night with Joshua when she heard him come back from picking Caitlin up from school. He'd taken her over to Phil's house where she was going to spend the night and she guessed that he'd been busy talking to Phil for a while seeing as it was five o clock and their table at the restaurant was booked for six.

She'd decided to wear a dress for the first time in a very long time, she hoped that the emerald green one shoulder dress would make Josh drool, if it didn't she was sure that the hot pink panties and bra that she had on underneath her outfit would.

She knew that tonight was the night that they were going to go all the way, this was the first time that they'd had a night to themselves and she was going to make the most of it. She was nervous but she felt so fucking ready to be intimate with him again and part of her just wanted to skip the meal just so they could go to bed.

'Shannon! Where are you?' Josh shouted into the house as he closed the front door behind him.

'I'm in our room getting my hair ready!' Shannon shouted back down the stairs.

Josh immediately went up to take a look at her and the sight of her took his breathe away. She looked so fucking beautiful, he had to restrain himself from just tearing her dress off there and then.

'Hey babe, you'd better get that cute ass moving, we've got to leave in half an hour,' Shannon smiled as she continued to curl her hair.

'Yeah, I think I need to take a cold shower before we go, you look so fucking hot,' Josh sighed as he went over and planted a hungry kiss on her lips.

'Well we could always skip the entrée and go right to the main course,' Shannon bit her lip as she stared into Josh's eyes.

'Uh well, I'm kinda hungry but I think we should skip dessert, there's only one sweet thing I wanna eat tonight,' Josh winked before he left the room, if he didn't leave he knew that he wouldn't be able to control himself and for now, he had to. He wanted to ask for her hand in marriage and he wanted to do it tonight, so much time had been wasted and he was not gonna waste another second, he wanted her to be his wife.

Shannon bit down hard on her lip as she stared at herself in the mirror, Josh's words had made her go all gooey inside, and they'd made her panties gooey at the same time. Her nerves were still there but now they were in the background, she couldn't wait to get to know his body all over again and tonight she could make as much noise as she wanted, she could let go and give into the desire she felt for him and she could not fucking wait for the meal to be over.

When she was finished curling her hair and applying the last of her make-up she decided to go and wait for Josh downstairs. If she caught sight of him coming out of the shower wrapped in nothing but a towel she knew she wouldn't be able to resist jumping on him or humping his leg like a bitch in heat. She took a seat on the couch and picked up one of her magazines in an attempt to cool herself down, she just couldn't wait to get back here and rip his clothes off, it had been a long time coming but it was finally going to happen, tonight was the night.

Josh was glad that Shannon was nowhere to be seen when he went back into their bedroom to dry himself off and get changed. He'd hidden the ring in his underpants drawer so the first thing he did was get it out and put it in the pocket of his jeans. He didn't know what he was more nervous about, the proposal or the fact that tonight he was going to make love to the girl of his dreams again.

It took him fifteen minutes to get dressed, sort out his hair and spray himself with plenty of cologne. He was about to leave the bedroom when Shannon shouted from downstairs.

'Josh come on, we're going to be late!'

He jogged down the hallway and took the stairs two at a time, she was waiting for him right by the front door with a huge smile on her face.

'Wow you look good, very good in fact,' Shannon purred as she planted a kiss on his lips. 'We'd better leave now before I start dry humping you to death!'

Before she could pull away Josh pulled her back into his arms and tightened the grip on her waist.

'This is gonna be a night you're never gonna forget baby,' he smiled as Shannon beamed back at him.

They started to make out but when it started to get a little too hot and heavy Josh pulled away, earning himself a loud groan from Shannon.

'Don't worry, we'll be home soon,' Josh winked before taking her hand and opening the front door.

Shannon continued to hold his hand even when they got into the car and Josh started to back out of the drive. She was so happy, the happiest she'd ever been and tonight was going to be fantastic, she just knew it.

Josh had told her that they were heading to a restaurant down by the docks so Shannon wouldn't get suspicious when he started to drive towards that area. He wanted to keep the surprise a secret for as long as possible but as soon as they parked up and began walking, Shannon began to get a little suspicious.

'Josh it doesn't look like there's a restaurant around here, all I can see are boats, boats and more boats, are you sure we're heading in the right direction?' Shannon asked as Josh nodded.

'Of course we are, don't you trust me?' Josh smirked, as far as Shannon was concerned the Cornelia Marie had been taken into dry dock for some repairs.

He and Phil had come up with some story about how the engine needed fixing and as much as he didn't like lying to her, in this instance the lie was needed to complete the surprise.

Shannon's feet began to ache as they continued to walk further and further away from the car, she was beginning to get a little pissed, if they'd stayed home they probably would be making love by now. All this walking was just wasting time as far as she was concerned. She was about to tell Josh that they should go back to the car when she caught sight of a blue boat that she recognised in the distance.

'Is that what I think it is?' Shannon asked as Josh pretended to play dumb.

'Yes Shannon, it's a boat,' Josh smirked before she hit his upper arm.

'I thought you said the boat was getting some repairs, what's it doing here?' Her feet suddenly stopped aching as she began to quicken her pace, it had been so long since she'd seen the boat, Josh had planned this all along and she found it really, really sweet.

'Well I wanted to surprise you so dad and I told a little white lie, I hope it was worth it,' Josh replied as they stopped walking and stood right in front of the boat.

'I never thought I'd see her again, Jesus this brings back some memories, at least this time we won't have to worry about your dad catching us in the act!' Shannon laughed as she started to pull Josh towards the boat. 'Come on, I want to take a look around.'

Josh helped Shannon clamber on board in her three inch heels before he jumped over the rail with ease. He took one look at her face and knew that he'd made the right decision, this was the place she'd lost her virginity, it was a special place for both of them and the only place that seemed appropriate to ask her to marry him.

'Oh my God Joshua, I can't believe you've gone to all this trouble!' Shannon sighed as she began to walk around the deck which was covered in rose petals.

'I did have a little help from a friend or two,' Josh smiled as he stood behind her and put his arms around her waist.

'I should have known that Caitlin had something to do with this, you two are so sneaky!' Shannon laughed as Josh pulled away from her.

'I have something else for you, won't be a sec,' Josh left Shannon on the deck as he ran downstairs to pop open a bottle of champagne and pour some into two glasses.

When he got back up on deck she was standing at the rail looking out at the sparkling blue ocean as the sun shone down on it. It was rarely sunny in Seattle but the Gods seemed to be smiling down on him today. He couldn't wait much longer, he wanted to ask her the question that he'd been waiting to ask ever since he'd first met her so many years ago.

'Joshua Harris, you are so romantic! And before you say it, no I won't tell any of your guy friends about this!' Shannon smiled as she took one of the champagne filled glasses out of his hands and leaned forward to press her lips against his.

When she pulled away, Josh handed her the other glass and Shannon looked at him nervously.

'Are you feeling okay baby? You look a little pale but you're sweating,' Shannon put the glasses down on the deck and wrapped her arms around his neck as Josh looked at her nervously.

'I've been waiting so fucking long for this moment Shannon, for so many years I never thought that I would get a chance to do this, I thought I'd lost you forever. When you came back I knew as soon as I saw you that I could never let you go again, I would do anything for you, anything. I've loved you since High School, I've loved you even when we were apart and now I have you back I want to keep you forever, so I have a question to ask you,' Shannon watched open mouthed as Josh got down on one knee, her heart began to race and the tears started to pour down her cheeks. She'd dreamt of this moment for so long and now her dream was coming true.

'Shannon Andrews, will you marry me?'

Shannon was crying so hard that she couldn't speak, she could only nod and smile like a complete idiot as Josh opened the tiny box to reveal a beautiful ruby ring with two diamonds sat either of the red stone.

'Is that a yes?' Josh asked and Shannon nodded once again.

He got up off the floor and placed the ring on her finger before picking her up and spinning her around in his arms. His own tears ran down his cheeks as they began to kiss and Shannon's hands started to run up and down his back.

When his arms began to get tired he pushed her up against the rail and felt her long legs wrap themselves around his waist as she groaned into his mouth. They both knew what was going to happen next, before Shannon could even speak Josh picked her up again and began to carry her across the deck, she knew exactly where he was taking her and she couldn't wait.

With Shannon in his arms planting kisses against his neck as he carried her to the stateroom he felt like he was on cloud nine already, if he felt this good now he couldn't even comprehend how he would feel once he was inside her again.

When they got to the stateroom, Josh set Shannon down on her feet and closed the door behind them. Shannon couldn't believe that he'd even decorated the bedroom with silk sheets and two bunches or red roses sat on the cupboards either side of the bed.

'Oh so you figured that you would get me in here huh?' Shannon grinned as Josh began to run his hands up and down her back.

'I didn't hear you complaining,' he growled as his mouth started to kiss her neck.

His beard brushed against her soft skin as she let her hands wander down to his tight ass, she needed to be closer to him except she couldn't get closer, they were already as close as they could get to one another but still she needed more, so much more.

She began to pull Josh towards the bed, when the back of her knees connected with the soft mattress she pulled his head away from her neck and sat down on the bed.

'Take your shirt off,' she licked her lips as she stared up at him, she didn't need to ask him twice, Josh wanted them both to get naked as soon as possible so they could begin to explore one another all over again.

When his shirt was off Shannon began to run her nails up and down his firm flesh. He was so muscular now and she couldn't wait to test out just how strong he was all night long.

'You look so fucking sexy, I want you to take that dress off so I can see you, all of you,' Josh groaned, he HAD to see her, he couldn't bear to wait any longer.

Josh held out his hands and pulled Shannon up onto her feet, she turned around so he could unzip her dress, he let it fall to the floor and before she could turn around he easily unhooked her bra which caused her to start laughing.

'Someone's pretty fucking keen! I wore that because I thought you'd like it!' Shannon laughed as she spun around to face him.

'I like these a whole lot more, they're so much bigger than they used to be,' Josh gasped as he leaned forward to take one of her pert nipples into his mouth.

'God Josh!' Shannon wasn't expecting him to do that and the feeling of his warm mouth capturing her nipple instantly made her legs weak.

Josh pushed her backwards and they both fell onto the bed but his lips never left her nipple as he continued to revel in making her moan and groan again. He let his hands wander all over her body as he let his mouth left one nipple to work on the other one. Shannon lay back and watched every move that he made, she felt like she was dreaming as his fingers trailed over her stomach. Any fears that she'd previously had about her body not being nice enough for him were gone, she could see that he was happy, that he was enjoying himself and that was enough for her to feel totally relaxed about herself.

'I think I need to take your panties off,' Josh let his mouth leave her nipple for a minute as he looked up at her, he was surprised to see her shake her head and for a moment he worried that he'd done something wrong.

'Not before you get those jeans off mister, fairs fair,' Shannon licked her lips and watched as Josh pushed himself off the bed and stood up to unbuckle his jeans.

When he was stood in front of her in his pants her eyes just stared in amazement at the huge bulge that was so fucking obvious. She pushed herself down to the bottom of the bed and sat up so she could run her hand over his length which looked desperate to be released from its cotton cage.

Josh let his hands wander down to her thick hair as she started to play with his cock through his pants. He wanted to watch everything that she did to him because he couldn't really believe that this was happening.

Shannon continued to stroke his erection over his pants until she needed more and that didn't take long. She looked up at Josh and kept eye contact with him as she pulled his pants down to reveal his thick, hard length in all its glory. When she set her eyes on it she couldn't help but let out an audible gasp, he'd been well-endowed when they were teenagers but he was even MORE well-endowed now.

'Jesus Christ you're fucking HUGE!' Shannon drooled as Josh felt his ego treble in size.

'And it's all yours baby,' he replied as he watched Shannon eagerly examine every inch of his cock with her eyes and hands.

It had been so fucking long since she'd done this but she knew exactly what she wanted to do to him. The slick head of his cock was begging to be sucked and she couldn't hold herself back, she'd managed to pleasure him this way before and she could do it again.

Josh's eyes nearly rolled back in his head when he felt Shannon's hot mouth wrap around the head of his cock. He resisted the urge to close his eyes, he had to watch her, he needed to see her work her magic on him.

Shannon closed her eyes as she circled the head of his cock with her tongue, he was so slick with pre-cum already and she could sense that he wanted more. She slowly began to take more of his length inside her throat, there was no way that it would all fit but she managed to get half way down before the pressure at the back of her throat became too much to handle. Her hands began caressing his heavy balls as Josh started to moan out a list of expletives, hearing him making those sounds for her just made her work even harder to give him his release.

'Baby…stop…'

Josh managed to grind out through gritted teeth as Shannon's mouth managed to get him almost to the point of no return, he didn't want his first climax with her to be like this, he wanted to let go inside her.

Shannon pouted as she pulled her mouth away from his cock and looked up at him, she'd lost herself in the moment and she'd been enjoying the feel of him in her mouth again.

'Lay back baby,' Josh wanted to take control now, Shannon had taken him to the edge and now he wanted to return the favour.

She lay back on the bed, opening her legs as Josh began to run his hands up and down her stomach and between her breasts. The dark lust in his eyes just turned her on all the more, she didn't have to be worried about her body or her need to satisfy him, he loved her, every single part of her and she knew that now.

'Mmm I am taking these panties off now, as hot as they are, I think it's time I saw the goods,' Josh growled as he let his hands wander in-between her legs.

As soon as she felt his hand run over her panty covered pussy she gasped and thrust against it, she was used to pleasing herself but nothing compared to having a man do it.

Josh smiled at her reaction, if she could get like that by him just running a hand over her pussy, how far would she go once he let his tongue glide over it?

He removed her panties in one swift move, throwing them across the room before pushing her legs as far apart as they would go.

'Jesus you're so wet for me already,' Josh groaned as he let his big hands stroke her inner thighs. As nice as it felt, Shannon could barely handle being teased any more.

'Please Joshua, please….'

'Please what?' Josh asked as he let his hands wander closer and closer to her pussy.

'Touch me, lick me, please, please,' Shannon whined, she knew that she sounded like a complete fucking brat but she was too far gone to care, she needed him to touch her pussy and make her climax and soon.

Josh looked into her eyes before he looked down and focused on her wet pink folds, he opened up her glistening lips to reveal her erect clit and licked his lips in anticipation. Shannon was about to moan at him again when he settled himself on his stomach and slowly but surely she felt his long tongue flick over her clit.

'FUCK!'

She couldn't control herself as Josh began to lick and suck at her pussy, her hands wandered down to his hair as she watched him work on her. Her pussy was so wet, she could see her juices glistening all around his lips and mouth as he devoured her and that just kept making her even more excited.

Josh was completely lost in the moment as he ate out his gorgeous fiancé. She tasted so fucking good and it made him even fucking harder knowing that he could still turn her on just as much as he did when they were teens. He'd scared himself stupid thinking that he wouldn't be able to please her but hearing her moans and groans was like music to his ears. He was going to do this to her night after night for the next sixty years, even when they were old and wrinkly he would still find her sexy as hell.

She could barely control herself as Josh let his tongue wander further down her aching pussy until he started to circle her opening, when she felt Josh's stiff tongue slowly begin to slide inside her she lost it completely, she practically ripped his hair clean off as she tangled her fingers through it and began to thrust her pussy up into his tongue.

'Oh fuck yeah, fuck me with that tongue!'

Josh's cock nearly exploded at her reaction, she'd never been all that shy in bed, not after the first time anyway but he wasn't expecting her to be this vocal, he was expecting her to be nervous and shy but fuck it made him SO happy and horny that she was so relaxed and willing to let go.

'Uh huh, keep going, keep going!'

Shannon frantically circled her hips as she looked down and saw Josh's head buried in-between her legs working hard. In a split second he looked up at her and as soon as she saw those dark brown eyes she lost control, her first orgasm with a man in over ten years hit her like a freight train coming off the tracks. Every nerve in her body felt like it was exploding as she screamed her way through the huge climax that had hit her.

Josh pulled his head up from her pussy and watched Shannon as she thrashed around on the bed, it was kinda like watching a scene from the Exorcist accept this wasn't scary at all, he was so turned on that he knew he couldn't wait much longer to push himself inside her.

When she began to calm down a little Josh crawled up her shaking body and pressed his hot forehead against hers, he coaxed her upper lips open with his tongue and pushed it past her teeth. She could taste herself on his lips and mouth and the taste just made her even more excited.

'Take me Joshua, please baby,' Shannon gasped out as her breathing began to steady once again.

Josh brought his hands up to her beautiful face and began to stroke her cheeks as he lay on top of her.

'You sure?' Josh whispered and Shannon just beamed back at him, she loved how cute and sweet he was.

'Yes I am sure, very sure,' she replied and that was all that Josh needed to hear.

He kept looking into her eyes as he got up onto his knees, gripping his length in his hand he slowly began to push himself inside her.

'Ahh!' Shannon gasped out in pain before she could stop herself, immediately Josh stopped what he was doing and shot her a worried look.

'Am I hurting you? I don't wanna hurt you, we should stop….'

'No it's okay baby keep going, I'll be fine, I'm just not used to something so big going up there I guess,' Shannon blushed scarlet red, she was so fucking embarrassed about this, she wasn't a virgin anymore, she'd had a child come out of her vagina, how could this be painful?

Josh kept looking at her as he slowly began to push more of his length inside her, he saw her face screw up in pain and he stopped again but this time he started to circle her clit with his thumb in an attempt to ease the pain that she was feeling.

'That nice?'

'Mmm hmm, keep going baby,' Shannon whined as she got used to the feeling of having him inside her again.

He pushed so slowly as he played with her clit and after a minute or two he was fully seated within her impossibly tight channel.

'You're so fucking tight baby, Jesus you feel amazing,' Josh leaned down and growled in her ear as Shannon's nails began running up and down his back.

Shannon just kept staring into his eyes as both of them just lay there for a few minutes, when she felt comfortable enough, she slowly began to thrust her hips towards him, Josh took the hint and braced himself on his arms as he gently began to thrust himself inside her.

Josh couldn't take his eyes off her, he never wanted to take his eyes off her because part of him was still scared that she would disappear again and that couldn't happen, not now, not ever.

'Mmm Joshua, I love you, I love you,' Shannon moaned softly as Josh increased his pace a little.

Her juices were flowing freely, he could feel them running all over his thick shaft and down past his ball sack as he attempted to find the good spot inside her that would make her scream all over again. He realised that he couldn't get to it where he was, he had to switch things up a little so he pushed himself up off his arms and kneeled between her legs once again.

He used his strong calloused hands to grip her hips as he began to push himself back inside her again, this time all he heard from her were moans of pleasure and not cries of pain. Shannon gasped as the head of his cock scraped against her G-Spot causing her to frantically thrust down into his cock so he could hit it again.

Josh sensed her need and he took his cock out of her completely before he pushed it back in in one fluid thrust.

'FUCK YES! RIGHT THERE, RIGHT THERE!' Shannon screamed out as he hit her G-Spot full on, she felt her body shuddering and shaking as Josh once again removed himself and entered her again and again.

She was panting and crying out his name not caring if the whole of Seattle heard here cries of pleasure, there was no way that she could keep quiet when he was pleasuring her like this. Josh continued to look into her eyes as with each thrust the feeling of her tight pussy squirming around him drew him closer to the edge, he wanted to last for hours and hours but there was no way that he was going to be able to hold back.

'Fuck Shannon I'm so fucking close, you drive me crazy,' Josh groaned as Shannon began to thrust back into him like a wild thing.

'Uhh make me come Joshua, make me come all over your big cock,' Shannon cried out as she wrapped her legs behind his back, urging him on as he tried to keep up with the pace she was determined to set.

Josh's dick kept hitting the good spot over and over and over again, when she felt one of his hands leave her hips to go down to her pussy and flick her clit that was it.

'YES YES YES YES YES!'

Shannon exploded around his cock, Josh could feel the spasms that was so fucking hard he was worried that he'd have no cock left by the time her pussy had finished with him. He kept moving inside her, keeping up the pace she'd set as Shannon began to squirm under him.

She threw her arms around his neck and tried to hold on as she could feel Josh's thrusts beginning to get more and more erratic, she knew that he was so close but he was trying to fight it and she didn't want him to fight, she wanted him to let himself go.

'Come for me baby, come deep inside my tight little pussy,' Shannon gasped between breathes as Josh stared intently into her eyes.

'You want it huh? You want my cum inside you again?' Josh moaned as Shannon nodded her head.

He fought the urge to close his eyes, he wanted to see her when he crossed the line. When her hands ran down to his ass and began to squeeze it he could feel himself beginning to lose it, then, with one huge squeeze of her pussy muscles she began to milk his balls dry.

Josh kept saying her name over and over again in a daze as he kept thrusting inside her. He'd never had a climax like it, he never wanted it to end but the more he thrust the more he struggled to breath, with one last deep thrust inside her Josh collapsed on top of her in a heap of sweat.

Shannon stroked his soaking wet hair as she lay back and closed her eyes, she'd expected to be so nervous and afraid but instead she'd been like some sort of sex pro, Josh gave her so much confidence and belief that she could never be afraid. She now knew for sure that her worries had been completely unfounded, she'd satisfied him, she COULD satisfy him.

When Josh finally managed to gather enough strength to raise his head up from her shoulder he pressed his forehead against hers and smiled as she smiled back at him.

'You are the most beautiful, amazing, perfect woman in the whole entire world and that was the mind blowing baby. I love you so much, I can't wait for you to be my wife.'

'I can't wait either Joshua, it's going to be perfect. I love you so much.'


End file.
